


Breaking Free

by Zee_Hawthorn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Denial of Feelings, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Build Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-06-26 00:31:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee_Hawthorn/pseuds/Zee_Hawthorn
Summary: HPDM When the desire becomes insurmountable, to the point of no longer being able to resist, Harry lets himself be engulfed in a forbidden passion, putting at risk the couple he forms with Ginny. Between his Auror's studies and his obsession with Draco Malfoy, will he manage everything? And when will it be later?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everybody,
> 
> I decided to translate my latest Harry Potter fanfictions into English:)  
> I hope this is understandable and that there will not be too many grammatical mistakes...
> 
> It’s a "song fic" base.  
> No lyrics in this one, just music to listen to while reading the story to put you in the mood
> 
> Wishing you a pleasant reading :)
> 
> Paring : HPDM
> 
> Rating : M
> 
> Disclamer : all rights to JK Rowling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paring : HPDM
> 
> Rating : M
> 
> Disclamer : all rights to JK Rowling

**_(Read while listening to_ ** **_« I Saw You Close Your Eyes », Local Natives)_ **

**_Wednesday, November 5, 2003, 11:52 a.m., London, Ministry of Magic_ **

It was cold and the wind blew gently when he arrived in this area in central London where he had often been when his father worked there. He was still hesitating, blowing in his hands to warm them up.

But he had no choice…

So he came up to the pay phone, sighing. He took the handset and composed the famous code. The female voice was immediately heard.

_“Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please indicate your name and purpose of your visit.”_

“Draco Malfoy, I have an appointment with… Harry Potter,” he said.

Once the cabin had touched down, he came out with a heavy heart of apprehension.

Four years he had not seen Potter again and he didn’t know what attitude to adopt when he would meet face to face with the Magic World’s savior.

He crossed the hall, came to the atrium and carefully avoided the pressing glances of the visitors who stared at him without restraint.

After passing the security service, he quickly climbed into the elevator that would take him to the second floor.

_«Level 2, Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administrative Services» the same female voice as the booth said._

Draco came down and walked like we were sending him to the slaughterhouse. With his jaw stretched out, he went to the Aurors' office, a knot in his stomach.

He announced himself to the secretary who preceded the Aurors' open space and even before he had passed the latter’s office, Draco saw him raise his head in his direction.

Saint Potter, the most deserving and powerful Auror of his class, in the flesh.

Harry Potter stood up with a smile on his lips and he reached out his hand.

“Malfoy, welcome!” he said in the most professional way possible.

“Potter” Draco answered, shaking his hand.

“Come on, let me introduce you to the others”, Potter adds, as he heads to his office.

Draco followed him not without experiencing some discomfort at the side of Potter who looked so much more charismatic than in his memories.

He recognized Potter’s best friend, Weasley, who waved a vague nod at him, too absorbed in his paperwork and certainly not very pleased to see him either.

Neville Longbottom, a very clumsy and insecure classmate who had proven himself in botany.

He never thought he would one day become an Auror beside Potter. Longbottom made a small gesture of his hand.

“Gawain Robards, our wonderful boss”.

Potter pointed to a tall brown man sitting at a remote office of theirs who greeted him politely, not without a remark to Potter, about his shitty humor.

Potter then invited him to sit at his desk next to that of the Weasel.

Draco then opened his briefcase, pulled out a document of several pages and handed it to Potter.

Potter was surprised by so much speed on his part and took it, thanking him.

Draco’s gaze lingered on his desk and soon realized that Potter was not a very tidy person.

Stacks of colourful files were lying here and there, leaves protruding from all sides, a feather abandoned in the middle of scrolls and its inkwell placed in a recess, poorly plugged.

There was a delicately framed picture on which the weasel girl kissed him with her hand and smiled at him lovingly.

He couldn’t help blinking at this particularly silly gesture and wondered how the Potter he knew could work all day in front of this disgusting, bloody love’s smell.

Potter must have noticed his expression because he hurried to move the photo so that it was no longer in his field of vision.

"Is this the report about the victim from the other night?" he asked, as if to change the subject when that was precisely why he had brought him here.

Draco nodded.

Potter flipped through the report, frowning. Draco was hoping he wouldn’t hold him any longer.

He suffocated in his presence and felt Weasel’s inquisitive gaze behind his back.

“All right!” Potter said, closing the scroll and putting it on his desk before turning back to Draco.

"Can I go now, or do you have questions for me?" Draco asked, in a sad tone.

He really wanted to leave. He felt out of place here.

Too much Weasley, too much Potter. And Potter had changed so much…

Not physically, although he gained muscle, he still had such messy hair and round glasses on his nose.

No, he always looked the same as the one he knew.

But he seemed so much more confident of himself… and more importantly, he had a way of looking at him that wasn’t at all the same as in the past…

"I thought maybe you wanted to go to lunch?" Potter asked, blinking his green eyes.

Draco stood up for a moment and looked at his watch: 12h45 am.

He didn’t see the time go by.... He didn’t pay attention to the time he left.

“I’m not very hungry…” he confessed.

Potter seemed disappointed, but nodded his head before speaking again.

“Well then, thanks again for your work. To the pleasure of seeing you, soon” he replied, extending his hand again, with a slight smile.

Draco measured his hand for a moment before placing his gaze in that of the survivor and answering him.

"See you soon, yes," he added in his trailing voice before rising without looking at others.

He ran out of air, he needed to breathe.

Once outside, he took the time to take a breath of fresh air and close his eyes. He had just seen Potter again, and things were still not getting better…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry closed his hand to the void before turning to his desk.

He began to read the report Malfoy had just given him, a few moments before he left in haste. Harry knew the reunion was going to be tense.

However, he would never have thought that they were so. He had dropped his feather when he heard Malfoy’s voice and raised his head so quickly that he had smashed his neck bones.

It was _he_ who _wanted_ to see Malfoy again.

When Harry knew that Malfoy was the new examinwizard dedicated to their service, he could not help but ask that the ex-Slytherin travel in person to see if he had changed.

And that was the case, Malfoy no longer had that nonchalance that he once wore.

Malfoy looked so serious and dull that Harry almost felt responsible.

And maybe it was true…

He suddenly had the shameful thought that he was responsible for his mood…

A sadness’s wave invaded him. He really hoped to be mistaken, but in the picture that Malfoy sent him back he could not help believing it.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Draco Malfoy Side-Along appeared to his office. Not a very nice place at first. It was a large, dilapidated building used as a lure to the Muggles. Dummies in poor condition strolled behind the store window.

St Mungo's Hospital.

He had been working there for a short time, having missed his NEWTs one time but had succeeded them brilliantly the second time.

Draco went in as Healer.

But the Aurors district had specifically asked that one of their recruits be dedicated to them to diagnose the victims of advanced spells and more precisely of black magic.

Then it had seemed obvious when as long as “ex-son Death Eater” and “Death Eater” himself- although against his direct will- they called upon his services. Draco therefore became their examinwizard.

Draco wasn’t too thrilled about it because he knew that, through this new profession, he was going to have to deal with Potter.

But his boss kicked his ass by flattering his aristocratic ego that he remained despite his current situation.

His father was rotting his days in Askaban and his mother was trying so hard to make a good face.

But the truth was, they were in deep shit!

They had enough money left to live without the need for two years at most.

At least for his mother, who was still living at the Manor. He had decided to move away, still too disturbed by what had happened there.

After living on campus for a year, specializing in his future profession, he bought with the money his father had invested in him since he was born, an apartment in a small sorcerer’s district not far from the Malfoy’s Manor to visit his mother regularly.

There, Draco could land and remain himself without false pretenses. Because if in today’s society he was found to be a certain class, to the point of thinking he had a broom deep in his ass, he was not.

Certainly he had been that cold and cynical character that everyone thought pompous and unbearable, but this picture still stuck in the minds of some witches, was no longer. He’d changed a lot since Hogwarts.

Draco had spent a good part of his studies looking for himself. And when he got tired of the look that he had chosen to have, although restful, he had decided to grow.

Or rather, he was forced to do so.

He barely swallowed, remembering this painful and embarrassing memory of his past and began to put on his lemon-green outfit, stitched with the healers' emblems: a wand crossed with a bone.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry Potter was currently finalizing the witch autopsy report Malfoy brought him a few hours earlier. He was working next door on his own report to tie it together.

He didn’t stop thinking about Malfoy. His face stuck to his retina as if never to forget it.

Harry had never succeeded, how could he?

But the years had passed and the beautiful face with fine lines and grey eyes had become more blurred as his life progressed. He pinched his nose and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Everything okay?” Ron asked, in the middle of an archive file, with a feather between his teeth.

“Yeah, but I feel like I’m spending my fucking time, typing this damn report that’s going on forever...”

“Don’t tell me, I can’t get my hands on the document I’ve needed since this morning” he says, snooping through the scrolls on his desk.

“I don’t even see how you want to find something in such a mess!” Harry replied pointing to his best friend’s desk.

"Oh yeah? Have you looked at yours lately? You really have nothing to envy on this point if you ask me."

Harry looked at his desk. Ron was right, it was a pile of scrolls and files of all kinds and he didn’t even realize it. As if it’s normal to work in such a mess!

“Right, it’s a disaster…” he confessed with a sigh.

Harry looked at the clock in the back of the room.

7:16 p.m.

Maybe it was time to go home…

“I think I won’t be long anyway,” Ron tells him, as if he was reading his mind.

“I’ll follow you, Ginny must be home by now, except for last-minute training”.

“Yeah, probably, so we’ll pick up Hermione on the 4th and get out of here,” Ron nodded up.

Harry nodded back and closed the file in front of his eyes. He rose in his turn to take his coat and followed his friend to the elevator.

They went down to Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures where his best friend and Ron’s fiancée worked.

To believe that they were inseparable as at Hogwarts. They still work together and yet each one led his own life.

Harry lived with Ginny in a small apartment not far from Godric’s Hollow where he had lived with his deceased parents.

Ron and Hermione had found a lovely little house in the small village of Kent, in the south-east of England where they lived happy days.

The four of them had been together since the end of Hogwarts and thus the end of the war. It was like writing somewhere that they were meant to be a couple.

Harry had a bitter smile at that reference to the perfect couple because that had not always been the case… It’s been four years since everything almost changed…

Harry closed his eyes to prevent his mind from wandering further on the subject, but grey eyes passed over his eyelids and he had only time to swallow when the elevator opened…


	2. Attraction

**_(Read while listening to « Waiting For My Chance To Come », Noah And The Whale)_ **

**_Tuesday, September 1, 1998, 7:53 a.m., campus entrance, Wizard Academy_ **

Good days ended to give way to the first sweets of autumn.

The students crossed the gigantic campus with greenish alleys at the end of summer to get to their first classes of the year.

Harry Potter, a young student, was walking up the stairs that separated him from the hallways that he would walk for five years.

"Holy hell, mate, and here we are!" his best friend exclaimed, hopping almost by his side.

Harry smiled. It was a fresh start after living hell last year. They were finally going to be able to continue their lives peacefully.

Since Voldemort was gone, the atmosphere in the witch world had subsided enormously. Although there were many deaths to mourn, we had to move forward and rebuild.

They went up the steps and checked their schedule for the week.

“When I think of all the times we were bitching about Hogwarts' schedules…” Ron said sarcastically, eyes fixed on the timetable.

“Yeah...not sure we have time for other activities...” Harry replied, detailing the days.

“If it’s going to make you work properly, that’s fine,” a female voice said beside them.

They turned to face Hermione, arms crossed over his chest with a straight face.

“Mione!” Ron said with a big smile that she blushed a little.

"When did you arrive?" Harry asked, happy to find his second sidekick.

“It’s already been an hour, I took the opportunity to go round the classrooms and find out where I was staying. Sorry, Ron, but the rooms are not mixed.”

Ron pouted. Since their first kiss during the war, the two lovers had not let go. Too many years of unfinished business to catch up on and so much love to share.

“It won’t stop me from squatting in my favorite brown-guy's room whenever I want,” said Ginny’s teasing voice, coming up behind them.

She took two steps towards Harry and stole a kiss from him. Harry gave it back to her and put his arm over her shoulder.

She had decided not to do her 7th year at Hogwarts and to join the Quidditch section directly at the Witch Academy.

“You’ve just arrived and you’re already breaking the rules! Coming from you, the opposite would have surprised me,” he laughed.

Ron took a disgusted pout.

"Why don’t you tell us what you’re doing in while you’re there!" he winced.

«Oh you see, I’m not sure that you are old enough to hear it, my dear brother» Ginny sneered exchanging an accomplice glance with Harry.

“What?! I’m a year older than you in case you’ve forgotten! But I would still skip the details” he hurried to add seeing his sister ready to retaliate.

They burst out laughing.

“I have to leave you,” Ginny said, “I have an intensive sports class to start the day!”

"Huh?! Right now?" Ron astonished, looking at the clock hanging on the wall that showed 8:30 a.m.

“Yep, when you want to be the best, you’ve got to be grateful,” she replied, tousling Ron’s hair.

"Bloody hell! The best of bitches, yeah!" Ron scolded, trying to fix his hair.

"No, that’s something I reserve exclusively for you," she said, winking. "Well, I’m out, see ya!"

She left not without giving Harry one last sweet kiss.

“I’m going to throw up” Ron winced.

"Ron, stop being so childish, you want!" Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes and hitting his shoulder.

“But it bothers me to see my sister and my best friend making out!” Ron took offence.

“I never tell you anything when you kiss Mione, I point you out,” Harry said.

“Yeah, but it’s stronger than me sorry… And we’re still less demonstrative than you are,” Ron replied.

“But it’s up to you to do it whenever you want, and I’ll do it whenever _I_ want,” Harry concluded.

“We are in agreement!” Hermione nodded to cut short the conversation, “I’ll leave you too, I have my first witch law’s class.” ».

They greeted her before going to their first Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

After their first hour’s class were over, they met to eat in the campus general dining hall. The Witch Academy was divided into several buildings which represented the different business lines.

Harry and Ron were in the Auror’s section, Hermione was in the Magical Law’s and Ginny was training to become a future great Quidditch player.

Each building had its own specificity.

They took the time to chat a little before heading to their next classes, which promised a long day’s work.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was 6:00 p.m. when Harry and Ron finally got out of their last class. Exhausted, but brains well imbued, they spoke with liveliness of their new lessons.

It was cool and the wind was beginning to rise when distant noises made them turn their heads.

Some noisy students, apparently.

They looked like they were having fun, but more than dubious vapors were flying around them, suggesting that this cloud of pink smoke was the cause of their laughing.

In the darkness, a few silhouettes were vaguely visible, but it was when Harry and Ron headed just below a streetlight, that their faces appeared.

**_(Read while listening: “I Think I’m Evil”, Black Moth Super Rainbow)_ **

Draco Malfoy and his ex-Slytherin’s friends sat on the back of a bench, a cigarette in his hand that he carried to his mouth smiling. He took a whiff of it and his eyes set on Harry, who had frozen when he saw him.

He felt Malfoy’s gaze drilling him from all sides.

Malfoy took his cigarette away from his lips before spitting out the smoke by gently blowing, his eyes detailing Harry top-down.

He raised his gray eyes into the emerald green of the survivor and smiled at him with his eternal grin before lifting his brow arch.

“Potter…And Weasel as a bonus!” he exclaimed, pulling his cigarette again.

“Malfoy … ” Harry and Ron replied with a chin gesture before going on their way.

"You’re not joining us?" Malfoy asked, who had obviously abused witch cigarettes to offer them such an invitation.

“No thanks, Ron and I are going to our room, have a good night” Harry hissed without turning around.

“Oh, Saint Potter and his eternal benevolence!” Malfoy replied with a bow.

Malfoy approached them, his amused smile which obviously did not want to leave his lips.

The others stood back. But Malfoy advanced until he found himself a few inches from Harry.

Harry looked at him, suspicious.

Ok, the war was over and Harry had heard that Malfoy was only a miserable pawn to carry out Voldemort’s plans, hence the fact that Harry was less vindictive towards him, but he didn’t forget the past and with him, prudence was in order.

“Relax Potter, I’m no longer the pretentious little prick you knew at Hogwarts. For my own good and that of others, I changed,” he laughed, his eyes anchored in Harry’s.

He said this in a tone that Harry didn’t know him. But Malfoy’s unexpected attitude was particularly disturbing.

“If you say so ...” Harry replied, without really being convinced.

Malfoy deepened his smile before turning his gaze on Ron, who was displaying a suspicious look.

He laughed and shot again on his cigarette before blowing the smoke on Ron, who coughed back.

Harry got in the way and faced Malfoy.

“Always here to protect his friends from what I see. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to him, as I told you, I’m not the same anymore” he winked maliciously.

Harry remained silent, his eyes fixed on those of his ex-enemy who still smiling. Malfoy had this strange and unspeakable look that made Harry almost uncomfortable.

Harry had never seen such a glimmer in Malfoy’s eyes, and he was more worried than anything else, contrary to what the sod said.

"Draco, are you coming? Let’s have a drink with the others," Pansy Parkinson suddenly asked, Malfoy’s closest friend Harry knew.

Harry glanced in his direction before staring again at the ex-Slytherin who had not let go of his eyes.

"Your friends are waiting for you Malfoy, you better follow them," Harry added in a mournful voice.

Malfoy picked up a nicotine’s whiff and turned his heels, arms up.

“Let the party begin!” he shouted before wrapping his arms around the shoulders of two of his friends and walking away, hilariously.

Ron took his breath back, scraping his throat.

“You speak of a change, if it’s to go from an asshole to an addict, he could have abstained! I had almost forgotten their existence and I would have done without them for this evening… Are we going to eat? I’m starving!” he exclaimed, following in his footsteps.

Harry nodded but didn’t move. His eyes had not left the group that was now melting in the shade of the trees bordering the campus. A light breeze reminded him that he was cold and they hurried back to warm.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

“I swear you, Mione, he had almost scared me with his “look how I’ve changed, I’ve become a junkie”” Ron mimicked with a chicken leg in his hands.

“I think that’s true, Ron, other than the fact that he’s immersed himself in a passion for illicit substances, he hasn’t made any disparaging remarks to me since I’ve been here. He even greeted me this morning when I ran into him on my way out of class,” replied Hermione, with a hearing look.

“Did he greet you?” Ron said, stunned, almost dropping his fork.

"Yes, and without insulting me," Hermione added with a smile.

“I don’t believe it, it’s probably hiding something,” Ron replied, engulfing a potato.

“I also think it’s weird,” admitted Harry, cutting his meat.

“I don’t know, Harry, I also think he’s changed, he’s not as dumb as he used to be, he seems more detached” Ginny said, thinking.

“Completely drugged would be a more appropriate term,” Harry winced.

Exactly! And then with Malfoy you never know which foot to dance on, that fucking ferret must have found another way to get noticed,” Ron replied, pointing his fork at Harry.

“And I say it’s past all that, you’d better focus on your studies rather than belabour the fact that Draco Malfoy has changed or not. Besides, I’m going to go, I’m exhausted and I still have a chapter of law to read for tomorrow”, Hermione blew up on his way out.

"Wait for me, Mione, I follow you," Ron replied, quickly swallow his meal and to get up to join her.

Hermione was right, they were far from Hogwarts now and the war was over. It was not in any way beneficial to them to look into bullshit like Malfoy and his dubious friends. They had much better things to do with their studies and their love life.

He looked at Ginny and smiled. He never thought they would get back together. It was done naturally, the day after the macabre day, especially for the Weasley family with Fred’s death.

She came to see him in his room and he thought she was just looking for comfort. But her eyes, though wet with sadness for her brother, betrayed her desire for Harry.

And if her caresses cried out her desire, her gaze was filled with love. Then Harry had let her kiss him. He had let her undress him and made love to him to show Ginny that he felt the same way.

“I’ll go to bed, I’ll start early tomorrow” Ginny said, sighing.

She got up and kissed him tenderly. Harry greedily replied to the kiss.

"If you want, you can come to my room tonight," he suggested, with his lips stuck to hers.

“It would have been my pleasure, but today’s training has worn me out… Next time,” she smiled, winking.

She gave him one last kiss before she left.

Harry stayed a little while longer to finish his dessert and left the room still crowded with students finishing their meals.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Reading while listening “Pays To Know”, MyPet)_ **

Harry moved into the darkness on the path of small pebbles that would lead him to his dormitory.

Slight noises reached him to his right, but he did not get immediately pay attention, thinking of students who were dragging to get home too. But small groans rang out and made him shiver with embarrassment.

Harry hurried so he wouldn’t have to face the people who made them. But to his great dismay, his ill-placed curiosity failed to stop him from leaving a glance at the noises that were becoming more and more explicit as he advanced.

A small strangled noise then came out of his throat when he recognized one of the two protagonists who were kissing each other without restraint against one of the campus streetlights.

His almost white blonde hair flew slightly in the wind. His head back, his eyes closed, his mouth half open that let out some groans. His breath became more and more erratic as the body leaning over him maltreated his neck with hot kisses.

Harry felt his heart beat loudly when he realized that it was Malfoy and that he was moaning under the caresses of… a _man_.

His own breath became difficult to control when the information traced back to his brain, which ran out of oxygen at the sight of his ex-enemy taking his foot with a man. He always thought he was dating Pansy Parkinson. Harry had always believed that, being of his branch, the pureblood could only go out with girls.

Harry wanted to get back on his way but froze again when Malfoy slowly opened eyes darkened by the desire of his lover and placed them on him. Harry swallowed before the picture that Malfoy sent back to him. He didn’t know if he was looking in his direction without seeing him or if he was deliberately staring at him.

It was only when a smile stretched on Malfoy’s lips that he understood…

Harry stepping back and stumbled on the pebbles under his feet, missing his balance, but remained upright. Malfoy always looking at him, a burning desire in his dark grey eyes, before closing them suddenly in a rictus of pain.

Malfoy let out a sharp groan and grabbed the man’s mouth bent over him to kiss him with passion.

Harry took advantage of it to get out as fast as he could and ran to his dorm, slamming the door. He went up to his room, which he shared with Ron, who obviously hadn’t come home yet. Surely, again with Hermione. He rubbed his face before putting his hand in his hair.

Harry was still in shock from his vision of Malfoy in the middle of an endorphin demonstration with a man. He was even more confused when he realized it had turned him on a little. Probably because he had an idea earlier to bring Ginny back to his room tonight, hoping to do the same to her.

On his nightstand, his alarm clock was at 12:30 a.m., and he decided to take a shower before going to bed. Harry grabbed his pajamas and towel before heading to the bathrooms across the hallway from the different rooms.

He let the cold water run over his skin to calm his excitement and then turned the button over the hot water to erase the tension that was squeezing his muscles. Harry then returned to his room and dropped heavily on his bed.

He quickly slipped under his cover and closed his eyes. He opened them immediately when Malfoy’s smile passed under his closed eyelids and he turned over on his back, sighing.

Harry felt that his unfulfilled desire would keep him from sleeping, but he refused to touch himself after what he had seen. He closed his eyes and thought of Ginny. Her long, shiny, silky red hair, her scent of flower that filled his nostrils, her charming little smile and her pretty freckles.

Harry smiled and sighed at ease as his hand moved toward his groin. He imagined his feminine curves that he had finally learned through their various lovemaking, while rolling his fingers over his cock, and began to move his hand.

He caressed himself as he saw Ginny and her orange eyes pointed at him, her white skin and her pink mouth. Harry bit his lower lip imagining her moving on him with envy. His movements became more frenetic as Ginny’s groans increased in his ears.

Then everything suddenly blurred, letting appear storm-colored eyes and strands of hair color ashes. Ginny’s small noises became deeper and her lips stretched into a cold but equally burning grin. The grey eyes were turned and the redhead’s harmonious face became more pointed and her jaw more masculine.

One last moan of the silhouette of the young man he imagined made him come and he quickly straightened himself up on his bed. Harry was breathing hard, his hand still on his dick. He no longer dared to move for fear of understanding what had happened.

With his other hand, he grabbed his wand and cast a cleaning spell before gently loosening his grip on his sex, still hard of pleasure. He could not believe that he had come with the pictures that had crossed his mind.

All this was more than indecent and he did not understand how he could have deviated to this point so everything was very clear the first seconds he had let go.

Harry, still stunned, was leaning against his headboard when Ron appeared on the doorstep.

"Well, what’s happening to you, mate? You look like you saw a ghost," he asked with a funny smile.

Harry shook and turned his eyes sharply towards his friend, quickly pulling his cover up to his chin. A little more and he would have unveiled a beautiful show to Ron if he had arrived a few seconds earlier.

He scraped his throat.

“Just a nightmare...” he mumbled, hoping his excitement would go unnoticed by his friend.

Ron seemed sorry.

"Ah... again on You-know-who? I thought you wouldn’t do it anymore..." he asked visibly annoyed by the situation.

“It still happens to me, but don’t worry, they’re not as violent as they used to be,” Harry lies in a little smile.

“Ok, I hope one day you just won’t have any more,” Ron nodded, in a sorry way.

“Me too” Harry breathed, who really hoped not to see Malfoy’s face appear during his personal pleasures.

An awkward silence ensued between them, leaving time for Harry to calm his rather heavy breathing.

“We’d better try to get some sleep, tomorrow we’ll start practice and I think we’ll be even more exhausted than we are today,” Ron said, changing the subject and taking off his clothes to put on his pajamas.

"You’re right," Harry replied hastily, sinking a little deeper into his bed.

He extinguished his bedside lamp, immediately turning his back to his friend, wrapping his sheets around him.

He heard Ron finish changing his clothes before he pulled on his blanket to get into it in turn.

“Good night, mate” Ron said, turning off the light.

"Yeah, good night" Harry replied, staring at the ceiling, afraid to close his eyes again.


	3. Repulsion

**_(Read while listening to " Knot In My Heart ", The Zolas)_ **

**_Wednesday, September 02,1998, 8:34 a.m., Harry and Ron's dorm, Wizard Academy_ **

Harry had not slept all night. He had refused to give in to sleep for fear of deviating again in his dreams. It was the first time he had done that. He had never thought of anyone other than Ginny since his sixth year at Hogwarts while he masturbated...

The truth is, he never even thought of a boy... let alone the ex-Slytherin!

He still couldn’t get over the twist of his pleasure. What possessed him to drift so far on Malfoy when he had never wanted him or any other person of the same sex!

Harry was nauseous all morning... Pictures from the previous day had come to his mind since he had risen and he could not help but think about it. He looked so bad, his friends asked him what was wrong. He didn’t know what to say, so he invented a stomach ache that didn’t want to go away. Ron thought it was due to the nightmare he had evoked to mask his discomfort of being almost caught masturbating and Harry told him that it had probably played into the balance.

He had difficulty concentrating during the practice of the new defense spells he was taught that day. But he quickly recovered when he almost touched the teacher with one of them. The rest of the day was as difficult as the morning. Harry had hardly eaten anything during lunch, too disturbed to swallow his entire meal.

Even Ginny’s sweet words did not seem to satisfy the ill-being that had dug into his head. Because he felt bad. And he didn’t understand why he was still haunted by all this.

In the evening, he claimed he needed to rest, his stomach ache worsening painfully. Actually, it was his head that was wrong. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Malfoy all day and his nausea got worse when he felt his fucking cock contract.

Harry tried to go to bed, but could not fall asleep without visualizing Malfoy’s smile and his eyes darkened with envy when his lover made him moan with pleasure.

His acute complaints resonated in his ears and was too much for his stomach. He got up and ran precipitously into the first bathroom facing his dorm and threw up his entire stomach in one of the sinks. He then took the time to take a regular breath, before cleaning and going back to bed, exhausted.

The next day was no more productive. Harry had once again slept very poorly. Waking up regularly sweating and running across the hall to empty his stomach for dreaming of Malfoy and feeling his bloody cock pulsing as the scene of the other night unfolded again under his closed eyelids.

Ron worried, had asked him to stay in bed. But Harry had refused. He needed to change his mind to stop rambling as he had been doing for two days.

So he had been in class and made the effort to participate in the conversations and touch Ginny as much as he could. Trying to be reassured…

Harry held her hand and held her every time his thoughts took him to the pebble road, lit by a moaning lamp post.

Evening at dinner, he got better, he smiled at the jokes his friends told him to make him react. And it worked. So, Harry loosened his hand a little off Ginny’s. And when the group got up to go to bed, she made him understand that she wanted him.

He followed her to her dorm and let herself lie on Ginny’s bed. He turned his eyes to the right to verify that they were alone and Ginny replied that her roommate would not be home all night.

He relaxed by letting his girlfriend lift up his shirt and pass it over his head.

She kissed his bust while gradually removing his belt and buttons from his pants. When this one was at his feet, she put her tongue on his cock and started licking it. Harry had a startle and let his head go back with a whimper of pleasure.

He closed his eyes and squeezed the sheets between his fingers when Ginny accentuated his movements on his dick.

His screams became hoarser as she continued and he brought her back to him to kiss her passionately while quickly removing her clothes. The last clothe on the ground, he detailed his feminine curves and tipped Ginny under him, kissing her again, playing with his tongue.

Harry broke the kiss to taste his neck and smell her flower scent that he loved so much. She groaned panting under his burning kisses and he placed himself between her thighs to make one with her.

She uttered a little cry but Harry was already beginning to come and go in her. He needed it, he had to wash his mind of his impure thoughts that had not left him in the last two days. Then he hit Ginny’s pelvis again and again, whimpering louder and faster, moaning too. And when he no longer had the strength to restrain himself, he came and fell heavily upon her.

When his breathing slowed, he kissed him gently before pulling out and letting Ginny rise.

He performed a quick cleaning spell while she was putting on a bathrobe, then she caressed his cheek before leaving the room towards the showers.

Harry went back to bed, still under the endorphin’s effect. He was sorely sleep-deprived from waking up sweaty for two nights. This last effort had tired him and he felt the tiredness catching him.

His eyelids began to close when he felt sleep finish him off. He let his spirit escape, hoping that this night would be without dreams.

**_(Read while listening: “Drifting In And Out”, Porcelain Raft)_ **

The next day, he woke up next to Ginny, no dream had disturbed his sleep and he sighed of contentment when he noticed that all his thoughts were turned on his girlfriend.

They dressed in haste and kissed one last time wishing each other a good day before going to class each on their own.

Harry joined Ron for breakfast, devouring the contents of his plate, his stomach clamoring for food after he had emptied several times in the last few days. His best friend seemed reassured to see him recovered and they talked together before going to their first class of the day.

His reflexes were much better today and the teacher congratulated him repeatedly for his exploits. Ron was also not bad, he managed to cast a spell at the end of the third attempt when Harry got there the first time. He had always had a gift for Defense Against the Dark Arts. And he loved it, thinking that he was defending good and killing evil with his own hands.

The next few days, he was back to being himself. He had thought of Malfoy only informally and had not seen him since that famous night. He continued peacefully to live his student life as she had begun and stopped formalizing what had happened.

One Friday night at dinner, Ron brought up the idea of going to the neighborhood nightclub.

“But come on!” He said, “It could be fun, we would do a little like everyone else to change… And then it would blow us away, I feel like I’m spending my life in class or in the books studying my lessons…” he complained, his head resting on the table with his arms crossed.

«It’s true that I haven’t had a moment of my own since I arrived», Hermione sighed.

“I wish I could, but I already have an evening planned with my Quidditch team…” Ginny replied, embarrassed, looking at Harry.

“It’s all right, go ahead, I’ll go home anyway, I don’t want to go dancing,” Harry said, smiling.

"Harry, you should slow down, it would be good for you to relax a little bit too, don’t you think?" Hermione replied in a gentle voice.

"Yes! You have to go out for a bit and then you’re not going to let me go alone, are you?" Ron added without waiting for Harry’s answer.

“You won’t be alone if Hermione comes with you,” Harry said in a sad voice.

"No, it’s true... but I’d like my best friend to come," Ron replied, waving his eyes.

"No," Harry replied, in a tone without appeal.

“Fuck it! Come on! Stop making yourself pray and get your ass back! …. And before you open it again, it’s not a question!” Ron ended, seeing Harry about to retaliate.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to: "Emerge", Fischerspooner)_ **

Harry didn’t know what he was doing there. He didn’t know how his friends had dragged him here, but he was still there, lost, in the midst of a crowd of students from his school dancing, drinking and laughing.

Ron and Hermione had already gone on the dance floor, in a small place, separated from the main room. He made his way through the dance floor, looking for known faces. And for the first time in several weeks, he saw him…

Dancing among a group of young people, Draco Malfoy exuded sensuality and desire. Harry stood there for a moment and watched him move outrageously, as if nothing existed around him. For a moment, he was the only person visible to Harry.

Harry blinked, he came to his senses, just in time to see Malfoy staring at him with absent glance and nebulous eyes.

Harry contracted his jaw and continued on his way to an indefinite destination before finally stopping at the bar. He ordered mead and almost drowned in it hoping someone would get it out. And that someone sat beside him, barely two minutes later. Malfoy, still oozing and euphoric of his hypnotic dance, ordered in his turn a drink with a gasping voice.

Malfoy drank up his glass and turned his head towards Harry, always this nebulous look stuck to his face.

"Here, here, Potter ... What does a person of your kind come to throw his feet in this place of degenerates?" he squeaked, amused.

Harry raised his eyebrows, astonished by the used term.

"You know that you put yourself in the same category by saying that, Malfoy?"

“Of course! And I never denied being, by the way” he said, with a smile on his face.

Harry couldn’t stop a grin on his lips and drank a sip of his drink.

“You’re either totally drunk or totally stoned…” he laughed as he stared at him.

"Or both," Malfoy added, thoughtfully.

“Or both, yeah…” Harry replied.

Harry, who had not let him out of his sight, took a moment to detail him.

Malfoy had strands of hair stuck to his shiny sweaty forehead, a smile curling with obscenity and breath short of having given so much on the dance floor a few minutes before. Harry slapped himself mentally to find him attractive at this very moment.

He had succeed to exorcise his desire from the last night he wanked thinking about Malfoy. And now he’s sitting next to him like nothing happened.

Did random have something against him? Or was his karma particularly playful?

"Where’s your redhead, Potter? Did you lose her while you were dancing?" Malfoy asked in a mocking manner.

“She's not here and do you honestly think I’m here to dance?” Harry laughed in a raw tone.

"If not, why should you be with us?" Malfoy replied, with a smirk as he raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

“That’s the question I was asking myself… I don’t know why I keep talking to you. I’d better get going," Harry said, in a tired tone.

He wanted to leave, even more than he had wanted when he arrived here. To see Malfoy had awakened in him a certain uneasiness. And he was even more surprised to feel a strong desire for him.

Harry had to leave, get as far away from Malfoy as possible. He thought he was cured, he believed in a stupid deviation, but obviously the desire was always there.

So, he really had to run away.

He finished his drink, put two nuts on the counter and started to get up, but Malfoy grabbed his arm.

“Come on Potter, you’re not leaving yet, you’ve just arrived…and _I_ ’d really like to see you dance!” Malfoy insisted in his dragging voice.

"But I don’t intend to dance!" Harry said, freeing his arm from Malfoy’s grip.

Being in contact with Malfoy had electrified him and he had put more force on his arm than he would have wanted.

"Relax Potter, I’m not going to jump on you, I have better things to do than to suffer the company of a depressed sod" the ex-Slytherin replied, warms up.

“Well, I, too, would rather go away than suffer the cynicism of an albino prick stoned on illicit substances,” Harry scoffed.

He stood up and turned his back on him. But he was brutally pushed and fell forward. Harry turned around and looked at Malfoy with a bad gaze.

Who the fuck did he think he was?

"Don’t you dare touch me again, Malfoy! I’m not your friend and I’ll never be your friend, that’s for sure!" Harry threatened.

"Who said I wanted us to be friends?" Malfoy sneered sarcastically, glancing brilliantly.

Harry opened his eyes, feeling his throat jam, but quickly regained consistency.

A deep hatred seized him and he had to resist the urge to hit that fucking prick who smiled at him with that particular look he could not decipher.

He loosened his fists when he left for the exit, his teeth tight.

But there again he received a violent blow to his back which almost made him lose his balance. He turn insane, grabbing that bloody wanker and pushing him in a straight line until he violently tackled him against the back wall.

"You bastard, will you let go of me, yeah?" Harry screamed, his eyes flashing.

"I don’t mean to sound unpleasant, but it seems to me that _you_ ’re holding me, aren’t you?" Malfoy replied in grin.

"For fuck’s sake, Malfoy, shut up! For once, shut the fucking up!" Harry thundered, who felt his patience crumbling in contact with Malfoy.

"I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it really wasn’t my intention. I love making you go crazy, it’s so… fascinating" Malfoy sneered.

Harry lost his mind, and all that he had so far contained rose up in his throat, inevitably making him lose his mind even more.

He tightened his grip a little more and approached Malfoy’s pale face, until he grazed his nose.

"I’ll shut your fucking mouth, you fucking bastard!" Harry erupted, clenching his teeth.

"Oh Really? And how do you intend to do it, please? Because other than hitting me, I don’t really s-" Malfoy mocked, before being abruptly interrupted.

He did it without thinking. Because it was no longer about control. His whole being no longer belonged to him every time he saw Malfoy’s gaze or he used his dialect to get Harry out of his mind.

And then, after that asshole openly sought him out, Harry had clearly lost all sane thought by crushing his lips on his own. And everything changed when he felt Malfoy respond to his angry kiss, insisting and tightening their embrace.

It was only when Malfoy opened his lips to lick his own and put his tongue in his mouth that he had a recoil movement. But he did not manage to tear himself from the arms of the young man who held him firmly, plunging them into a whirlwind of tongues and saliva.

Harry lost ground. He was trapped, he knew it. An immeasurable desire devoured his bowels and came down to his crotch. He had to hold on to the wall, so as not to fall from the violence of the emotions that were going through him at that moment.

He felt Malfoy’s hands all over his hair, his own, clad on the wall to support himself. But soon, one of Malfoy’s hands went down along Harry’s shoulders, then on his chest and finally arrived on his hips where she drifted to tackle his groin.

This is the moment that Harry’s mind chooses to reconnect and bring him back to full consciousness and regained all the mobility of his body.

He took advantage of this to free himself from Malfoy’s embrace and stumbled back, with very short breath, his mouth burning. Harry passed his fingers over it, then into his hair, his eyes fixed on the ground, spread with terror.

He raised them and posed them on Malfoy, who seemed as confused as he was.

Harry felt a panic attack coming and turned around, discarding as he could the dancers on the dance floor, regaining the exit and the air from the outside that he absolutely needed, there, now!

Once through the nightclub door, he took several puffs of air before Side-Along appeared directly in front of the campus.

There he did not take long before throw up in an alley.

Harry passed his hands on either side of his skull and pulled his hair.

But why did he do such a thing?

All was well for a few weeks, he had stopped thinking about Malfoy and had resumed the course of his life.

Why did that asshole have so much control over him? What the fuck was happening to him?

"What did I do? What the fuck did I do?" Harry blew in an endless complaint.

The tears came to his eyes and all his thoughts were spinning.

Permanent highs of heart made his whole body vibrate and prevented him from walking at his convenience.

He stumbled among the pebbles. Some sobs came out of his lips, trembling with fear.

But why did he agree to follow his friends that night?

The anger took place in the midst of this whirlwind of emotions and his little strangled cries came to break the silence of the night.

When he returned to his room, he ran aground on the bed, holding his stomach, tears of disgust streaming down his cheeks.

Harry put his face on the pillow and smothered his screams. He was in pain, so much pain... He didn’t understand why Malfoy had this effect on him.

And how could he have slipped like that?

As far back as he could remember, Harry had never felt anything for a boy and had never kissed any of them. He opened his eyes to this last thought which seemed to float before him.

He had just kissed Malfoy...

Malfoy...

Draco _sodding_ Malfoy...

Bloody hell! Malfoy, for fuck’s sake!

Harry began to strike in his bed to remove the rage that was awakening inside him.

He had always felt this feeling for Malfoy. Hatred so cold that it scared him sometimes.

Already in his sixth year, hatred had been constantly present and had even increased in intensity as he struggled to understand what the ex-Slytherin was up to.

Harry knew he was obsessed with this hatred, but it had calmed down after the war and he had stopped thinking about it when he arrived here.

So why did it make him like that? Why didn’t his hatred just get him to hit Malfoy instead of...

It seemed to him that his mind was also losing ground and a severe headache caused him to stop his blows. He breathed for a long time, his eyes in the dark. Harry had not even thought to light the room when he entered. Only the moonlight brought a cold light that ended on the ground.

Exhausted, he no longer had the strength to move. He left his head in the pillow and let go. The tears were still running down his cheeks and he had no way of controlling them. Harry couldn’t even think anymore. He was like emptied and there was no point in fighting.

So he gave in to a half-sleep he couldn’t control.

And Harry dreamt of Malfoy…

Or rather, he played the scene in slow motion. Half conscious, he was looking for the flaw that had turned everything around.

And while he was looking, he felt Malfoy’s lips on his.

And he loved, and he asked for more.

And finally, everything exploded...


	4. Denial

**_(Read on listening to “Cities In Dust”, Siouxies And The Branshees)_ **

**_Saturday, September 5, 1998, 7:12 a.m., campus dining hall, Wizard Academy_ **

When he woke up the next day, the nausea had finally passed had resumed. He’d been dreaming about Malfoy all night and never getting rid of him. As if his subconscious wanted to kill him with a peroxidised blond.

The only plausible explanation was that he had simply lost his mind… A neuron must have jumped the day before and, as usual, Malfoy took advantage of it to make him spin. And since he was already fragile, after the scene the other day, where once again this asshole was the main culprit, Harry had let an impulse invade him and his hatred towards the ex-Slytherin had made everything mess.

He could not decently desire Malfoy, he had never considered him other than a pretentious little prick and it was not now that it would change. Even though his fucking head kept sending him sensual pictures of him.

So Harry went to the cafeteria with Ron for his breakfast, determined to forget the last slippages of his misguided mind. When he sat next to Ginny, she smiled at him, kissing him in love, and he immediately felt much better. He took her against him and began to swallow his meal.

It was not counting the entrance of a band of friends, pretty nasty people, when we knew that they liked to perform. They rarely came to eat here, preferring to stay out smoking and giggling about the world around them.

They sat down two tables in front of Harry and his friends, and the atmosphere in the room changed instantly. They were embarrassing and they knew it.

But today, they seemed quieter. You could even say that they were really getting ready for lunch. Draco Malfoy and the other ex-Slytherins were sitting, their trays in front of them and chatting with an impressive nonchalance.

Malfoy had already taken out his package of witch cigarettes and began to fry one in front of jaded students who knew that their meal would be ruined. He had put his legs on the table and had slurred in his chair.

Harry felt his stomach contract at the sight of Malfoy spitting out his smoke. He stopped eating when Malfoy stared at him and a strange smile stretched his lips. A particular smile that Harry couldn’t decipher. His eyes, however, seemed to probe his soul and he felt like he was completely naked, suddenly.

He squeezed Ginny tighter and Malfoy’s smile widened, revealing his white teeth, before finally giggling. Then he detached his eyes from Harry and started a conversation with Blaise Zabini who had turned to talk to him.

Zabini stole his cigarette from him and took a whiff of it under Malfoy’s falsely outraged gaze, who hit his shoulder before recovering it by ripping out of his lips.

Harry’s mind started wavering again. Being close to Malfoy was really not a good idea. Especially when he started to look at him like that. And that asshole kept going. Malfoy passed his tongue on his lips before biting the one at the bottom, giving him a hot glance.

"You bastard…" Harry whispered between his teeth, that he was squeezing and wrinkling his eyes.

"What did you say, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"Huh?" Harry startled. "N-no, nothing, I was just dreaming," he added, kissing his cheek.

"You were dreaming of me, I hope," Ginny replied, in a lively tone.

Harry got tense. He wanted so much to dream about her last night...

"Of course, who else do you want me to dream about, except my lovely Gin?" he lied.

Ginny laughed and put his head against his shoulder.

"Oh, please," Ron winced, before Hermione hit his shoulder.

“Ron, stop being so stuck,” she said, grabbing his arm to get closer to him.

Harry turned his eyes on Malfoy, who was looking at him strangely.

Harry frowned and decided that from now on, he would do anything to avoid running into him.

His fucking mind depended on it!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Making Me Nervous”, Brad sucks)_ **

It was more complicated than it seemed. Since he had seen Malfoy teasing him at breakfast, he spent his time crossing him. That bloody git was everywhere! However, they didn’t have their lessons in the same place. From what he knew, Malfoy and his friends were housed in the buildings farthest from the campus.

Then, what the hell was Malfoy doing in his own?

Harry had just come out of his training and was about to go around to Transfiguration class, Ron in his footsteps, when he crossed him again at the corner of a hallway.

Malfoy was leaning against a wall, his eyes on a book as Harry and Ron came face to him. He raised his head and began to smile.

But when did that asshole smile so much?

At Hogwarts, he always had this bad grin that was reserved for him personally but now to look at it, Harry no longer detected any evil.

Harry rushed, Ron trying so hard to follow him.

"Potter!" called Malfoy with a loud voice.

But Harry didn’t answer and passed by, without making any fuss.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Later in the day, Harry had seen him hanging out near a class not far from where he was headed to start his next class. Here again, he had seen Malfoy moving in his direction about to speak to him but Harry had cut him short on the pretext that he had another course.

Malfoy had sneered and let him go.

After his last hour of the day, he was getting ready to go to eat when Malfoy appeared in front of him, startling him.

“Potter…” he whispered.

"Fuck, Malfoy!" Harry replied, holding his heart, "You could warn!"

“We need to talk,” he said, staring at him with his grey eyes.

“I don’t think so, we really don't have anything to talk about” Harry jeered.

“And I think so” Malfoy smiled.

"I just told you no, so good evening to you too," replied Harry, in a tone without appeal.

Harry took a step forward but was blocked by Malfoy’s arm which he placed on the wall.

“Let me pass…” Harry gritted, between his teeth.

“Not until you decide to talk to me,” Malfoy sneered.

Harry took a deep breath. He couldn’t see how to get out of this situation without Ron asking questions. He saw Malfoy raise an eyebrow waiting for his answer and Ron displaying a skeptical look at his side.

"Okay, let’s talk!" Harry said, pinching his nose, "Ron go without me, I’ll meet you later."

Ron nodded and walked past Malfoy with his eyes wrinkled before continuing his path.

Harry sighed and looked up at Malfoy.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked, raising his arms in the air, impatiently.

"About yesterday’s evening," Malfoy said, a smile on his lips that stretched as he saw Harry wriggling.

"Well, what? What happened?" replied Harry, looking around him.

"Seriously?" Malfoy asked, "You _do_ remember what you did to me, right?"

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry replied, who felt the situation was slipping away.

"Oh, nothing special, except maybe you almost choked me with _your mouth_?" Malfoy hissed insisting on the last word.

"You’re completely out of your mind, Malfoy" Harry replied, with his throat dry as he stared at the wall to his right, “I’ve never done anything like this”.

“So you’re denying it all?” Malfoy asked, who had still not removed his bloody smile, which is growing in proportion to Harry’s answer.

“Perfectly” Harry lied.

“You’re going to make me think that you don’t remember snogging me in the nightclub, Potter?" Malfoy insinuated, wrinkling his eyes.

"Exactly," Harry claimed.

Malfoy stepped slowly in front of his face and examined him for a moment before smiling full teeth.

“Liar…” he whispered.

Harry shivered. Malfoy stepped a little further until he grazed their shoulders, his mouth a few inches from Harry’s ear.

“If you take it that way, I’d be _delight_ to remind you next time” he said, with his dragging voice.

Paralyzed in the middle of the hallway, Harry didn’t turn his head when Malfoy left.

His breath was stuck in his lungs and his heart was beating too fast in his ears.

Did he hear right? Did Malfoy promise him that they would do it _again_?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry didn’t understand why he had not moved, he could have thrown his fist in his face when Malfoy had approached him a little too closely, but his body had not reacted. At least not the way he would have wanted it.

Instead of shivering, he would have wanted to hit him, instead of getting tense, he would have wanted to back off. Even his ability to respond to Malfoy’s spikes had let go when Malfoy had gotten closer.

Had he been afraid that Malfoy would kiss him again? Had he unconsciously desired this closeness after what had happened?

Too many unanswered questions collided and threatened his head to explode every time he thought about it. In fact, he thought about it far too often, even if there was something to think about...

All his thoughts were focused on Malfoy and his failing fucking libido every time he ran into him in spite of himself. Although he tried to understand, he didn’t see why his body no longer obeyed him when Malfoy was present.

He had believed in a spell or something, but had realized that he and only he was disturbed.

But, Malfoy had responded to his angry kiss, which had as its primary purpose to make him shut his fucking mouth and had even accentuated by touching him where he never thought that one day his hand would settle, other than on his face to hit him.

He winced thinking of this gesture that disgusted him and awakened his desire for Malfoy.

Harry suddenly realized that maybe Malfoy really thought he wanted him.

And that maybe he would put his last words into action…

The fear invaded Harry and the thought of having to stick his lips to Malfoy again froze his blood.

No, it was out of the question that this would happen again! It was necessary to clarify things with Malfoy before he took action.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening: "Green Sea", Fear For Men)_ **

The next night, he was determined to explain himself to Malfoy. Even if, in doing that, he had to admit that it happened...

He sighed, already imagining the victorious smile that Malfoy would wear when he confessed that he remembered his totally inappropriate act.

So he went looking for the sod, half hoping never to run into him and thus avoid the conflict... But as he suspected, it was not difficult to find him...

As usual, he was sitting outside smoking among his acolytes who laughed and looked at him with pride. Malfoy remained their prince even after Hogwarts, he was their pillar, their culmination to all.

Harry couldn’t help but think that on this point they were alike. He was also the centre of his group of friends, although he had always been uncomfortable occupying that position which he clearly didn’t think he deserved.

These are things that happen naturally, he was Harry Potter, the most famous wizard after Dumbledore and Voldemort. And after the last two died, he was at the top of the list.

His fame had only increased and it bothered him a lot, he had never liked being in the front of the stage.

He remained for a moment watching them back. He recognized Pansy Parkinson, Malfoy’s great friend, whom he thought was his girlfriend at the time of Hogwarts. Blaise Zabini, the perfect aristocrat, after Malfoy. His arrogant and confident look had not diminished despite the war. Gregory Goyle, who had transformed. He had considerably lost weight and kept a dark face since the death of his friend.

Harry took great inspiration and walked towards them. They turned and Malfoy stopped laughing when he saw him. He seemed surprised at first because he raised his eyebrows. But very quickly, a smile appeared at the corner of his lips and enlarged.

"Potter! What do I owe the honor of your presence among us?" he exclaimed, laughing.

"I have to speak to you Malfoy," Harry replied in a mournful voice.

Malfoy raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"Well, well... now you admit that a discussion is necessary?" he added, laughing.

“It’s the last thing I wanted to do but I think we have some things to clear up, indeed” he sighed, in spite.

"I agree" Malfoy nodded.

No one moved, too shocked by the scene unfolding in front of them. Malfoy and Potter spoke without insulting each other! It had never happened and it was really special.

"So what? Do you decide to get up, or do you prefer to talk about it with them?" Harry asked, pointing to Malfoy’s friends with a wave of his hand.

“Personally, I have no problem with them listening, Potter, but I doubt you would want to spread your states of mind in their presence,” Malfoy smiled.

"No, indeed," Harry said, clenching his teeth, "but if you could move a little, I don’t have all night...."

“The great Harry Potter is awaited elsewhere so he wants to get rid of his chore quickly,” Malfoy sneered in a theatrical way.

Harry sighed, exasperated by the attitude that Malfoy took a clever pleasure in displaying. He was probably guessing how much it cost him to come see him and he was having fun.

"Malfoy... would you be _so kind_ as to bring your ass back here so we can talk seriously?" Harry hissed, taking on him, knowing that if he insulted him, Malfoy wouldn’t move.

“It all depends on what you plan to do with my ass…” he added, in a smirk.

“For fuck’s sake, Malfoy doesn’t make me drag you here!” Harry exploded, his patience disappeared immediately after his last remark.

Malfoy sneered, obviously proud of his fucking bullshit!

"Fine, leave us alone. I’ll join you after my interview with Potter," he replied, firing his friends with a wave of his hand.

His acolytes nodded and left not without giving Harry one last inquisitive glance.

“There, Potter, we’re all alone,” Malfoy smiled, spreading his arms.

Harry gauged him for a moment, he always looked like a very confident guy, but no longer displayed his crushing upper side that would bring you down to a shitty state in his eyes.

He seemed more relaxed, calmer and it was very destabilizing to see so much change in Malfoy’s behavior.

"So, Potter, I thought you were running out of time? Are you making up your mind or am I joining my friends faster than I thought?" he asked in his dragging voice.

“Last night … I remember…” Harry said in a breath.

“Holy hell! So you admit you threw yourself at me like a savage and snogged me?” Malfoy jeered.

“Shut up, Malfoy!” Harry hissed, between his teeth.

Harry took great inspiration and decided to add to it.

"Yes, I admit that I was out of my mind that night, but admit that you pissed me off too!"

“I don’t remember asking you to put your tongue in my esophagus, Potter...” Malfoy whispered, amused.

“Stop with that!” Harry replied, clenching his fists.

"Isn’t _that_ what you came to tell me about?" Malfoy insisted, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

«Yes... but you really pissed me off before it happened...» Harry sighed, closing his eyes of spite.

“It still doesn’t explain why you just didn’t hit me...” Malfoy rightly noticed.

Harry shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants, embarrassed, rolling the pebbles in the driveway under one of his shoes.

“I couldn’t explain it. It… happened… and I just didn’t control anything…I’m sorry, this… It’ll never happen again,” he said, with his eyes on the ground.

Then without waiting for Malfoy’s reply, turned his heels and went in the opposite direction.

"Potter!" Malfoy called, behind him.

Harry froze but did not turn around. He closed his eyes and sighed.

What did he still want? Had he not humiliated himself enough by coming to him to confess what he had done?

Did Malfoy not feel how sick Harry was of having to admit that he was the one who started the thing and how bitterly he regretted it?

Harry ends up turning his head slightly to the side.

"What else?" he asked, in a weary tone.

"Did you like it?" Malfoy whispered.

Harry tensed up, suddenly.

"I beg your pardon!?" he replied, turning around, shocked by Malfoy’s words.

“I’m asking you if you liked it, Potter. The question seems clear to me, doesn’t it?” Malfoy replied, flabby on the bench from which he had not moved since Harry had been there.

"I really don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking, asshole! It wasn’t premeditated, I never wanted to kiss you," Harry replied with a grudge.

"That doesn’t answer my question," Malfoy replied, annoyed.

"No, I didn’t like it, I hated it, okay?!" Harry replied, plunging his hateful green eyes into Malfoy’s grey ones.

Malfoy gauged him for a moment before giggling, shaking his head.

“I don’t believe you, you really seemed to like it when I _touched you_ ,” he smiled, ironically.

“I’m not gay, Malfoy! I already have a girlfriend and I was thinking of her when it happened!” Harry took offence.

Malfoy laughed like hell.

"So why didn’t you kiss _her_ , then?" he sneered, tears in his eyes.

Harry was bubbling, had a furious urge to strangle Malfoy, at this very moment and all his body was tending with rage that he had held for too long.

“Fuck you, Malfoy! I already explained to you that I don’t know what took me, it’s just done! We won’t talk about it again, so print it in your perilous mind, is that clear?"

“All right!” sneered Malfoy, raising his hands to calm him down.

“Anyway, this is the last time I put my hands on you,” Harry hissed, looking disgusted.

“That’s really too bad…” Malfoy smiled, ironically.

Harry spread his eyes, horrified.

“You’re really insane,” he said, shaking your head.

“Not as much as you, Potter” Malfoy taunted.

Harry had a bitter smile. Malfoy wasn’t wrong. You really had to be completely insane to want to kiss that fucking asshole! And for loving it, despite what he said!

“Obviously, yeah...” nevertheless admitted Harry, shrugging his shoulders.

Malfoy was always staring at him and Harry felt bad, being so glared.

He didn’t like it. Because he didn’t like Malfoy and because he was a fucking _guy_!

Harry loved girls, and above all, he had Ginny! So, a guy, besides being Malfoy, looking at him that way, maked him nauseous.

And on the other side, Harry couldn’t stop his eyes from staring at him. His hair reached the back of his neck and a few strands fell just above his dark grey eyes.

A small smile, so peculiar, adorned his lips, which Harry couldn’t remember ever seeing at Malfoy’s.

He was handsome in his own way… For a boy… Harry was quick to think.

He had delicate but also very masculine facial features. Harry had always envied Malfoy’s class and charisma. Not that he was jealous of it, but he knew that his own outfit, on the other hand, seemed almost neglected. And that fucking aristocrat, in spite of the war, still as classy, had the ability to put him off!

"I’m leaving," Harry said, to conclude the conversation.

“See you next, Potter” Malfoy whispered who had not stopped looking at him.

Harry didn’t answer and turned around this time, leaving Malfoy behind.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Later that evening, he made love to Ginny. And even if it had been good, he had been horrified to have thought about Malfoy at one point. And that in that short moment, he had groaned louder, before shifting his attention to his girlfriend.

It was not for her that he shouted, but for Malfoy… He had a hard time concentrating again, but he had finally managed to do it… His thoughts for Malfoy disgusted him, but Harry realized that deep down, he wanted him.

When he took a shower that night, he sighed and let the tears come to his eyes.

He wanted Malfoy and did not understand why…


	5. Resignation

**_(Read while listening to "Make Me A Bird", Elektrik People)_ **

**_Thursday, September 17, 1998, 12:38 p.m., campus dining hall, Wizard Academy_ **

The more days passed, the sadder Harry’s mood became. Even more than the last time, when he indulged in his personal pleasure, unconsciously thinking of Malfoy. He had resigned himself, he wanted him, and it was something he couldn’t control. He was trying to understand when his hatred for him had so turned to cravings that he was trying so hard to suppress.

It was stronger than him... Harry _wanted_ him.

The nausea never left his stomach and kept coming up in his throat. The worst part was that little prick was heating him up like he understood his desire for him. And it wasn’t difficult. Every time Malfoy stared at him with his grey eyes, making him horribly blush, since he threw himself at him in the nightclub. Shame had also taken an important part in the game.

Yeah, he was ashamed to think so much of Malfoy when he had Ginny as his girlfriend. She was so pretty, so nice to him. And she had a tempered character like Harry liked. She was perfect for him and he knew it. But that didn’t stop his mind from wandering towards that little bastard. He spent his time verbalizing himself mentally every time his fucking dick pulsated when Malfoy’s face was going through his thoughts.

Fortunately, Malfoy had calmed down and even though he always had a look for him as soon as they crossed, he had not tried anything to destabilize him. It really amazed Harry when we knew how much that sod liked to make him uncomfortable.

In fact, it was mostly Harry looking at him, one of the many things he couldn’t stop himself from doing... It was impossible for him to get Malfoy out of his fucking head! It had become an obsession... He thought he was done with this bullshit since the sixth year he had this obsession with Malfoy.

It had been unhealthy at this time and he had the distinct impression that it was coming back even more powerful but for an entirely other reason...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was Thursday, and the next night Ron wanted to go back to the nightclub to celebrate the weekend duly deserved after the complicated week they had just spent.

They were having lunch and as since the beginning of the week, Harry couldn’t get his eyes off the table in front of him...

If Malfoy had stopped his little game of seduction, he had not dislodged his ass, him and his fucking friends, from the dinning hall since the day Harry had explained himself with him.

He only looked at it once, though. As he put his tray on the table, he stuck his silver eyes in Harry’s green, a grin on his lips, before he sat down and turned his head for the rest of his meal.

It wasn’t much, but Harry knew it was his way of reminding him of what he’d done. Malfoy’s way of making him understand that he _knew_.

And it put Harry out of his mind... Knowing that asshole had leverage on him and that he was playing enough to piss him off, forcing him to contain what he was feeling.

“If I were being mean, I would say that your hateful gaze is on our former classmates and in particular a blond guy that you have not let go of since they arrived...” Hermione said, in front of him.

Harry looked at her, raising his eyebrows very high.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and then he started it! He keeps taunting me every time we come to eat. He hates me!" he replied, defensively.

"I thought you were no longer enemies?" asked Hermione, surprized.

“I thought so too, but obviously he decided it had to go on...” Harry said, in a tired tone.

“I knew it was bullshit, this "change" thing, it’s in the genes, when you’re as rotten from the inside as he is, it’s for life!” Ron claimed.

“Ron! Do you realize what you’re saying? If you go that way, then you’re no better than him,” Hermione said, hitting his shoulder.

"But he is right Hermione, he does not seem to want a truce. Even if his way of doing things has indeed changed and the insults do not turn out like Hogwarts anymore, now he is bullying and it’s not really better!" Harry insisted.

“I understand, but it’s up to you to be smarter and let him make a fool of himself, we’re adults now...” Hermione nodded.

“Speak for yourself, I don’t feel any more adult than Parkinson has become hot!” Ron sneered.

Harry laughed as Hermione opened wide her eyes before staring furiously at Ron.

It had the effect of slightly turning Malfoy’s head in their direction, just enough to give him an impassive glance. One of those he sometimes did at Hogwarts to show you how desperate you were... But it was soon followed by one of his famous smirk that so angered Harry.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Later in the day, Harry ran into him in a hallway between his Potions and Charms class.

As he positioned himself in front of his classroom with Ron, his eyes stuck in the eyes of his not-exactly-enemy, he saw Malfoy walking towards him and thought for a moment that he was about to talk to him.

But he only passed by him, simply brushing his shoulder against his own, without detaching his gaze from Harry.

Harry ends up closing his eyes to Malfoy’s touch and the smell of his perfume. He caught himself snorting it with envy...

Harry opened his eyes again when he heard him sneer, his gaze, this time amused, always resting on him.

This bloody prick was enjoying the pleasure of destabilizing him! Harry had thought he would stop his fucking game, now he’s doing it again!

He clenched his fists and gave him the most hateful glance he could.

So much rage was boiling in him these days... He tried in vain to contain his desire for Malfoy and it frustrated him so much that he wanted to beat him to the point of destroying his silly, aristocratic face!

Harry had a hiccup of surprise when he felt his cock swell in his pants, as his nails entered the flesh of his palms of a hatred too long repressed.

But how could he hate Malfoy so much and wanted him at the same time? Two diametrically opposed feelings which, however, were complementary and united to form a too full of emotions that Harry tried to keep to himself.

And with so much internalizing, his desire remained totally unsatisfied... He refused to touch himself or Ginny for fear that in the end, Malfoy would make him come... And it hurt him to keep that burning desire that was eating his groin and making it harden far too often.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening "My Song 9", Nova Heart)_ **

Later that evening, he went with Ron and Hermione to the Quidditch game in which Ginny played, to cheer her on. Once they sat in the stands, they waited for the two teams that were competing for the first game of the year to arrive.

“I miss not flying anymore,” Ron said, watching the players walk up to the field, looking envious.

"Me too…" Harry replied, thinking of his Fire Lightning crumbled last year, when he was fleeing the Death Eaters on the night of his birthday...

He had lost much more that night... He stopped his memory there, no longer wanting to think about it and focused again on the game that was getting ready.

All three recognized Ginny who waved to them with a wink and gave her a standing ovation by shouting her name. The students positioned themselves in the air, grabbing their brooms and once everyone was ready, the referee hissed the start of the game.

This one began slowly, each one taking his marks and learning to identify the other. Soon, Quaffle was thrown from one team to another. The players began to fly more precisely and we guessed that the level was much higher than at the time of Hogwarts.

Ginny was stationed above, flying over the stadium, looking for the Snitch.

Harry thought about the pleasure of flying. He didn’t have the strength to buy a new broom, but watching the players flying in front of him, he couldn’t help but envy them too.

Maybe it was time to move on...

Ginny’s team had just scored its third goal when he saw below, Malfoy and his crew pushing people to move to let them settle in. He sighed. It was not yet tonight that he could avoid him. He noticed that a new head had been added to the band. A bloke was sitting next to Malfoy and laughing with him, gently pushing him with one hand on his shoulder.

Harry looked up to focus on the game above him. He didn’t give a shit about Malfoy and his friends. He didn’t give a shit about his life and what it was all about. Or at least, he was trying hard to convince himself.

The opposing team scored another goal reducing the gap to four out of five for Ginny’s team. It was very tight and it proved the top level of the various players.

When Harry lowered his eyes again to Malfoy, he froze when he noticed that Malfoy was watching him. Harry frowned when he saw a malicious smile stretching his lips. He then saw Malfoy grabbing his neighbour’s neck and kissing him on his mouth without leaving Harry’s eyes.

Harry opened wide his eyes and had a recoil movement. Malfoy was always staring at him as he continued to explore the guy’s mouth. It was totally obscene, and his brain was on standby. He was still watching Malfoy but he didn’t really see him.

All his senses were screaming with desire while his mind was screaming that this asshole was doing this for the sole purpose of destabilizing him. And it was working... He was unable to look away from Malfoy, who voluntarily showed him his profile, so that he could see his tongue playing with the other guy’s.

Harry was mostly disgusted, but he could already feel his fucking cock react. He wriggled in his chair, trying to hide the bump that was forming between his legs.

But that sod was completely insane! He knew Malfoy was a complete asshole, he also knew that he always looked arrogant and smug, never missing an opportunity to belittle others. But he had just discovered a new facet of Malfoy that he would never have liked to know.

Obviously, all the excuses were good enough to being die for him. He even went so far as to use one of his friends to make him freak out.

Then the kiss stopped, the young man stared at Malfoy, but Malfoy looked at _him_...

So the guy followed Malfoy’s glance and fell on Harry’s, who automatically turned his eyes to stick them in the starry sky. His heart was pounding and he was breathing hard. His cock was still pulsating and he really wanted to deal with it!

He needed to relieve himself, he had much, _so much_ too internalized...

He stayed focused on the game as much as he could, trying to get up at the same time as his friends when his girlfriend’s team scored. He wanted to get out of here, he wanted to get out of and deal with his fucking erection which was not determined to getting down!

He wanted to get away from Malfoy and his bloody tongue that he had seen turn while his dark grey eyes haunted him.

A shout from Ron brought him back to reality and he realized that Ginny was hurrying on his broom. He then distinguished a tiny gold-coloured ball whose wings split the sky at an impressive speed. Harry held his breath, staring at the scene, before rising screaming with joy as Ginny raised her arm in the air, with her fist closed on the Snitch, whose wings were twirling between her fingers.

He forgot Malfoy and his indisposition and jumped into of Ron and Hermione’s arms, shouting the name of his beloved. Ginny flew up to them and made a perilous jump to greet them. The exclamations resounded even louder as she walked around the stands.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to "Motel" Meg Myers)_ **

The post-game was as usual. Ginny’s team wore her in ovation, singing their hymn and everyone gathered to drink and eat in the dining hall that had been decorated for the occasion. Hundreds of bewitched plates revolved around the students, letting them use the different dishes that were there. A giant fountain flowed out of a liquid that looked like, it didn’t go wrong, to ButterBeer.

Harry drank it and made a toast with Ron and Hermione before being joined by Ginny once she was changed. They spent the rest of the evening drinking and singing, before returning to their dormitories to finish their already well-started night.

Harry slept alone, Ron having stayed with Hermione. Ginny had also offered to go with him to his dormitory but he had pretended that he was tired. And even if he was, he didn’t want to go any further tonight with her.

He felt he wanted it, but he couldn’t tell if it came from Malfoy or Ginny... So he did not prefer to tempt the devil and relive the last night of love he had spent with her...

Harry was exhausted when he flopped down on his bed. He was really very tired and yet a problem persisted... A hard problem did not want to let him fall asleep without taking care of it.

He breathed a long sigh before brushing his painful erection over his underpants with his fingertips. It was not pleasant, he had too long repressed his cravings and his cock was filled with blood that fucking hurt him when he touched it.

He wanted to sleep and all be over. And for that, there was only one solution...

Closing his eyelids tightly, he put his hand under his underwear and wrapped it around his sex. He had a jolt, his dick was so sensitive. He began a very gentle movement for fear of suffering and uttered an acute groan. He continued on in slow moves so as not to hurt himself.

And when Malfoy’s face appeared before his closed eyes, he stopped everything.

Holding his breath, he looked for pictures of Ginny, but they did not come... Only Malfoy’s were dancing in front of him. Then, he took a deep breath and resumed his slow movements, imagining the fucking grey eyes that shone as he looked at him.

His pleasure grew and his groans became more pressing. He saw Malfoy’s lips sketching his peculiar fucking smile that had taken possession of his mouth. He saw Malfoy’s wet fucking tongue turn and dance. His perfume, which he had sniffed, tickled his nostrils as he stroked.

Harry was totally in a trance with Malfoy in his head, nose, mouth and ears. He remembered the nightclub, the sensation of his tongue wrapped around his own and the fine, silky hair he had felt between his fingers. His moans were thicker and stronger and his hand accelerated on his dick.

His heart was pounding so hard, he thought for a moment that he was out of his body. He had never felt that way when he masturbated and yet he had done it often. But he never touched himself thinking about Malfoy on purpose.

And letting go, there, now, as Harry had been curbing his desire for so long, this forbidden pleasure that he was obtaining, there, squeezing his sheets with his free hand, made him bite his lip hard, to not shout so much he felt free.

And it was good and it hurt so bad it was…

And it was so powerful, he was shaking...

He felt Malfoy all over him, he saw him all around him...

And Malfoy’s hand was coming down, pulling out small noises from Harry's mouth, he was panting as he saw this hand moving towards its destination. She lands on her hip which she tightened and then suddenly, she tackled _there_ …

And Harry exploded…

He had come at once, his hand still stretched out on his sex which slowly collapsed... He had never taken so much pleasure on his own, even the last time, when Malfoy had burst into his mind by changing Ginny’s features to appear totally in front of him.

It had been so powerful, so... disturbing...

He waited until his heart beat slowed before going to wash. His whole body was so sensitive, that the water almost hurt him when he felt it flowing. Harry closed his eyes and let the hot liquid wash his body, which he had soiled, with all these impure thoughts.

He still trembled under pleasure, then shivered, as his satisfied desire, left his body.

Once he was clean and dry, he went back to bed, the body soothed by the endorphin which was spreading throughout his being until reaching his mind. He turned off his thoughts and let himself go, knowing that tomorrow he would regret...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to "PrettyThings", Take That)_ **

Friday night, his body was still sore from the soreness of the day before... He had spent the whole day brooding over last night....

By morning, he had joined the others half asleep, nobody having really recovered from the liters of ButterBeer and the small ovens swallowed during the evening. So it was not difficult to hide his catatonic state from his friends who were not at their best either.

So he had let the day go by, waiting for the evening, hoping inwardly that Ron would want to cancel everything. But when Harry told back to him, Ron had become very excited, as if his tiredness due to yesterday’s party had left his body at the simple thought that in the evening they would come out.

Of course, Ginny, too tired, had not followed and apologized all day by kissing him and taking him in her arms not to go dancing. Finally, like last time, he found himself with Ron and Hermione who had dropped him again to go and shake on the dance floor. So, he had gone to the furthest room to be alone to ponder.

It was not very reasonable given his state of tiredness, but he ordered a drink from the bar to make his desire to leave this nightclub go away immediately. He had gave in too soon, he knew it… But on the other hand, he needed to change his mind and get out a little couldn’t hurt him even if he was short of air because of the heat of the projectors which gave him the impression of suffocating.

The smell of the nightclub and the sweat of the people around him were also not a pleasure and he already regretted having said yes...

No, he actually preferred to stay in his room rather than be locked in here... Harry shook his head against his indecisive mind... He just wanted to stop thinking about Malfoy and he was looking for an occupation so that Malfoy would leave his thoughts and let him live his fucking life.

He drank a sip of mead and suddenly felt a warm breath sweeping his neck.

Harry shivered and froze.

He wanted to turn around, but two hands grabbed his arms to stop him. He felt his heart beat in his ears and tried to focus on any noise that might help him identify the person behind him.

This one remained motionless and silent... His hands still grabbed Harry’s arms but did not try anything else against him. Harry tried to free himself from their grip, but they were holding him tight and obviously didn’t want him to turn around and face him...

Harry turned his head slightly to the side to try to see the face of his stranger, but it was too dark to hope to recognize him.

This one moved a little, getting closer to him. Harry could feel him breathing and his perfume reached his nose. A perfume that he had only perceived once, only a few days and yet, this one haunted him since that moment...

It was at the same time sweet, fresh and so subtle. A perfume worthy of someone like him, his rank, his family... Harry’s shoulders collapsed when he realized...

"Malfoy," Harry blew, closing his eyes.

"Apparently, the last time wasn’t enough for you... Potter" Malfoy replied behind him, in a smooth voice.


	6. Coincidence

_“"Apparently, the last time wasn’t enough for you... Potter" Malfoy replied behind him, in a smooth voice.”_

**_(Read while listening to "Numb", Meg Myers )_ **

**_Friday, September 18, 1998, 11:17 p.m., Wizard Night club_ **

Harry could almost feel his fucking smile when this one sneered, sending a new breath, caressing the skin of his neck that made him shiver.

He didn’t know what to do, he felt he couldn’t move, and even if he wanted to, he didn’t have the strength at that moment.

Harry took great inspiration and prepared to answer him, but a finger landed on his lips.

He froze and wouldn’t make a move. The finger went round his mouth before going down on his chin and on his Adam’s apple. Ending his race by going up to his collarbone. Then, the index receded to caress his neck and Harry shuddered. It going down in the middle of his shoulder blades and continued on his kidney fall. The finger then went up to his shoulder and suddenly left his body.

Malfoy’s hand grabbed his arm again. Harry felt like a prisoner by Malfoy who held him firmly.

Harry wouldn’t budge, he was kind of petrified about what Malfoy was doing to him.

He felt Malfoy approach him and place his stomach against his back, his breath always against his skin.

He was terrorized by the effect that Malfoy was giving him, as if his hatred towards him escaped and that nothing mattered anymore. He was still fragile from the events of the day before and his desire for Malfoy had still not declined. On the contrary, he had only become stronger since he had wanked himself, thinking about him...

And feeling him here, against him, made him realize that it wasn’t temporary...

He closed his eyes in spite and shivered when he felt Malfoy’s lips brushing his neck. He squeezed the glass he was still holding in his left hand. Conversely, Malfoy’s hand flowed from his arm to entwine his right hand.

He felt pulled back but tried to resist. Malfoy stopped and pulled him harder to force Harry to turn around. Harry had kept his eyes closed, and when he opened them again, he plunged into a grey ocean where bright lights that it reflected.

Malfoy wasn’t smiling this time, he was even frowning a little as if something was bothering him. He made a first move to get closer to Harry’s face, but Harry pulled his head back and Malfoy stopped. He wrinkled his eyes and tried again to narrow the gap between them and Harry retreated again, until he met the wall behind him and could no longer move.

Harry began to breathe louder as Malfoy began to smile slowly, understanding that he was at his mercy.

Harry was trembling with anticipation. He was afraid... afraid of what his body would be able to do. He was terrified of the way he would react to him. Until now, he had never felt anything but anger towards Malfoy. Until then he had only trembled with rage in his presence. He didn’t understand when this rage had turned into desire...

As questions rushed through his head, Malfoy was already just a few inches away. Harry couldn’t believe he didn’t have the upper hand... As if his body didn’t want to struggle, as if he was numb and didn’t have the strength to reject him.

He let Malfoy approach, and when he leaned slowly to kiss him, Harry turned his head to the side. Then he looked at the ground, suddenly passionate about the lights reflected in it. He felt Malfoy’s fingers lift his chin and looked at him with a bad gaze.

Malfoy dipped his dark eyes, by the lack of brightness, into his own. He was impassive, like he was out of touch with reality. He put his thumb on Harry’s lip to caress her before turning her over. Harry blinked but left them firmly anchored in Malfoy’s, waiting for the rest. Malfoy bit his lower lip before moving slowly towards Harry’s face. Harry stiffened and tried to retreat again, as if he wanted to merge with the wall.

Malfoy stopped again.

“Stop resisting, Potter...” Malfoy whispered, in a strangely soft voice, a slight smile to the lips.

Harry looked at him, terrified.

“Just let go,” Malfoy added, closing the gap between them.

He grabbed his mouth and Harry felt a violent discharge in his belly.

As if a huge weight had been removed from him, from the moment Malfoy had put his lips on his. Dropping his glass that fell to the ground, he kept his eyes open too shocked to deign to close them.

He allowed himself to be guided by Malfoy’s expert mouth, which began with a very sweet kiss, barely pressing his lips, as if to accustom him to his own. Then he opened them to caress those of Harry with his tongue which let it pass to embrace Harry’s tongue.

The kiss was more languid and Harry felt his eyelids let go when Malfoy’s tongue played with his own in a hypnotic dance. So Harry closed his eyes and knocked down the invisible wall he had built between them. His body regained its mobility and he let his hands wander through Malfoy’s hair. Malfoy had hers on either side of his cheeks and gradually lowered them down on his neck and shoulders before going to explore under Harry’s shirt.

Harry felt Malfoy’s soft hands go through his bust, then his back and he in turn wanted to discover Malfoy’s body. He lowered his hands directly to Malfoy’s hips and quickly lifted Malfoy’s shirt to redesign his muscles with his fingertips. He sailed up to his back, pressing his shoulder blades and retracing his spine.

Malfoy lowered one of his hands down and proceeded to unbutton Harry’s pants, unwrapping his belt first. Harry tensed up, understanding Malfoy’s intention. He quickly placed one of his hands on Malfoy’s wrist to stop him. Malfoy released his wrist and grabbed Harry’s hand to interlace his fingers with his own before placing it on one of his own hips. He then released it and undertook to definitely unbutton Harry’s belt before removing the buttons from his pants. Harry tried again to prevent him from going further but Malfoy was faster and plunged his hand in the pants to go and touch his sex.

Harry had a hiccup of surprise and let go of Malfoy’s mouth who moved to kiss his neck.

Malfoy drew furrows with his tongue on Harry’s thin skin, pressing his hand on his dick, making him moan with pleasure. Harry felt himself leaving, his desire grew under Malfoy’s wrist movements. He felt his legs fail but Malfoy grabbed him by the waist with his free hand to support him.

Malfoy was everywhere.

On his neck, nibbling at his skin, his hair tickling at every pass. Against him, his perfume wrapping Harry’s nostrils. And lower still, his fingers circling his sex for delicious movements. Harry let slip in spite of himself, small groans of pleasure.

His eyelids pounding frantically, Harry bit his cheek to avoid screaming, even though the music around them obscured his sounds. It seemed to him that words were coming out of his mouth, he thought he had asked Malfoy to stop, unless he told him to continue… He didn’t know, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t control himself. He was entirely at Malfoy’s mercy and for once he didn’t fucking care.

What he did to him, was so good, he forgot the embarrassment of being touched by a guy.

Malfoy’s hand accelerated and Harry had to cling to his shoulders to hold on. He was gasping under Malfoy’s pressing movements. He was biting his lip, moaning louder, grabbing the shirt under his fingers, his head tipping back to meet the wall. He contracted his lower belly when he felt Malfoy’s movements become erratic and he came, in a long groan, plunging his head into Malfoy’s neck to stifle his cry.

He took time to regain normal breathing, always against Malfoy’s collarbone, while Malfoy slowly removed his hand from his underwear.

Harry didn’t want to move, because he’d have to face reality. He didn’t want to cross Malfoy’s eyes, not knowing what attitude to adopt. Malfoy stepped back slowly, removing his hands from his waist and casted a quick cleaning spell.

Harry, always grabbed his shirt, felt Malfoy’s hands grab his wrists and pull him until he let go. He felt his arms go down the length of his body before Malfoy took his hands off and backed away again.

Harry took great inspiration and anchored his eyes in Malfoy’s. Malfoy displayed a victorious, almost sadistic smile that had the effect of upsetting Harry who then advanced to attack him. But Malfoy spoke before Harry had time.

“So predictable…” he sneered, before disapparate in front of him without a feeling.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry stood there, stunned, the music resonating in his ears as Malfoy had just left him, just after he had wanked him. He still had his pants wide open, his belt buckle hanging on the side, when the nausea came up in his throat.

Harry turned to the side before throwing up the leftovers from his dinner on his shoes. He coughed before he got up and took out his wand to clean.

He really screwed up on that one, he knew it... Ginny’s face crossed his mind and a pain in his heart struck him.

How could he have done this to her... How could he have let Malfoy touch him when he felt nothing for him?

Harry had tried to resist, to the end, he had tried to swallow his impulses for Malfoy, but his desire for him was far too deep...

He smashed his fist across the wall, ripping out a cry of pain. It was stupid, but he needed it. He had to feel something other than the pleasure that had overwhelmed him by letting himself be touched by this asshole.

After he got dressed, he went looking for Ron and Hermione to tell them he was coming home. He didn’t know how much time had passed since his little interview with Malfoy and he had a furious desire to wash himself...

Once he had found them, he apologized to them before returning to the exit. One hand grabbed his arm and he turned around.

"Are you sure you’re okay, mate?" Ron asked, taken aback by Harry’s shaking hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I’m okay, I’m just a little tired," Harry replied, trying to smile.

Ron gauged him for a moment before finally dropping his wrist.

"Ok, go rest then. I’m sleeping at Mione’s tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow, did you bring it?”

Harry thought as fast as his mind allowed and remembered that they were visiting George at the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes shop, to give him a hand.

"Yeah of course, see you tomorrow! Good night, Mione!" he hurried to answer, leaving this place as soon as possible.

And he disapparated.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read it while listening to IN DECAY", Phèdre)_ **

The next day, Harry woke up with difficulty. Visions of Malfoy in his head... He could still feel his lips on his own and Malfoy’s hand in his pants wanking him with application.

How could he have slipped that far? Without thinking about Ginny? She who loved him and for whom he had deep feelings, but that had not been the case last night. For a few minutes, Malfoy was all that mattered. He and his fucking hand, Malfoy and his fucking mouth gave him a totally confusing desire. So much so that he had forgotten his girlfriend for a moment of pure madness, of a need to satisfy his desire for Malfoy which had been dragging for too long now.

Ron didn’t ask any more questions that morning. He acted like he didn’t remember Harry’s weird behavior. And Harry really liked it when he did that. It was a way to make him understand that if he really wanted to talk to him about it, he would be there, but otherwise he wouldn’t ask.

They had breakfast before going to Diagon Alley to meet Ron’s brother George Weasley in the shop he had with his twin before the war.

Fred was dead during this one but George had decided to keep open “Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes” and the store was holding up well. It was like a breath of fresh air after past events. People needed to laugh, to joke, to live...

Harry and Ron were therefore in front of the shop when George opened the doors of his small personal palace.

“Hey, bro, hey, Harry, you’re still tolerating Ron, I see” George said, smiling full of teeth.

"Shut up, George!" Ron scolded.

The twin laughed before bringing them into the building.

"How’s the business going?" Harry asked, entering the lobby.

“Absolutely fine! I have so many requests, I can even get late in my deliveries!" George answered, with pride.

“Hey guys, are you all right?” Lee asked at the other end of the room, before moving towards them.

Harry and Ron shook his hands with a big smile on their face. Lee Jordan was a great friend of the twins at Hogwarts.

The three of them had done a few wild oats and the school walls still had traces of their bullshit. Not to mention Filch, the janitor who was relieved of their release.

“Are you here to help?” Harry asked.

"Yeah, George is so screwed, he can no longer do without me!" he laughed, knocking on his friend’s back.

“Let’s say he’s not bad at logistics and his ideas are good to take,” George added in a small laugh.

Harry had always wondered how George felt since the loss of his twin. He suspected that he had been devastated when he died, but he had never known how he had recovered...

It must have been an abominable ordeal to deal with on a daily basis, and he was amazed at the way George was behaving in front of them.

“Come and have a look at what’s new, you’ll love it!” George and Lee invited them.

They made them visit the new storefronts of the store, made up of all sorts of more improbable objects than each other. Most of them moved by themselves, as if animated, materializing the effects they produced once used.

Banners above each shelf indicated the themes of the products arranged.

Everything made you want to be bought! Even without knowing what certain objects could be used for, it was enough to put your eyes on them to want it at home.

Ron and Harry stayed there for a good part of the day. They had tested a few safe inventions, and Ron had even admired his brother’s hard work. They had both submitted a few more ideas and George had kindly noted them, while Lee had seemed much more interested.

At about 5:00 p.m., Harry and Ron were back on campus, with new ideas running through their heads as they walked to the dining hall for something to eat.

Hermione and Ginny joined them, and they left in a lively discussion about new inventions they had proposed.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to "Apocalypse", Cigarettes After Sex)_ **

Later in the evening, Harry had gone to escort Ginny to her dorm. He had not wanted to follow her inside as she had implicitly asked him. He didn’t want to, not after what happened the night before at the nightclub...

How could he can made love to her after being touched by a guy? By Draco sodding Malfoy!

He could have washed away that feeling of being dirty, of being contaminated, but he didn’t want to use her that way. So he kindly refused and hugged her in one last kiss before leaving her.

Harry was walking on an alley of the campus without really knowing where to go.

He didn’t want to go back to his dorm, Ron had probably gone to sleep at Hermione’s like almost every night. He didn’t want to be alone in his bed with Malfoy’s visions, his voice in his ear telling him to let himself be done...

And that’s what Harry did...

He had let go in Malfoy’s arms and bitterly regretted it...

He had liked it...

 _Loved_ , feel Malfoy’s breathe against his lips.

Adulated, Malfoy’s tongue embracing his own

Savored, the taste of Malfoy in that dizzying kiss that had made him leave the earth.

Claimed, by Malfoy’s hand to accelerate on his fucking cock to feel it again and again...

More and more, he had wanted more...

And it was unacceptable!

Harry sighed, his breath steamed in the cold of autumn.

Winter wasn’t too far away by now. He felt the wind blew under his sweater and he breathed for a long time this breeze which oxygenated his brain to have too, or not worked enough, according to him.

He had to talk to Malfoy, he had to tell him to stop putting him in such a state. Stop fucking with him!

He had to stop this before it got worse!

Before his desire takes the lead again and he ends up never coming back...

Harry walked faster, determined to speak to Malfoy, no longer able to bear the grip that Malfoy had on him.

He looked outside, in the different alleys where Malfoy and his friends liked to hang out. In the dining hall where he often saw them smoking and laughing. No one... not Malfoy’s shadow on the horizon.

There was only one solution left and he didn’t like it... He turned his heels and headed for the end of the campus. To the last buildings, the opposite of his, where he knew that Malfoy and his friends were studying. He didn’t know which pavilion, though...

Health or Economics?

He leaned towards economics, well imagining Malfoy getting an education to later develop a black market... This idea made him smile bitterly. If Malfoy had really changed, as he claimed, Harry only half believed in it. According to Harry, a Death Eater was still a Death Eater, and just because the war was over, doesn’t mean it would change anything about that asshole.

He arrived in front of the building, so he took the economic pavilion, sure to find Malfoy’s name inscribed in the list of students attached to the portal.

Harry picked it up twice, leaning excessively up and down, but couldn’t find it. He frowned, thinking that they must have forgotten his name in the list, when close steps made him turn his head to the side.

"Potter? But what the hell are you doing here?" Zabini asked, taken aback.

“It’s my business, I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Harry jeered, turning completely to face him.

“Right, but confess that it’s not every day that we see you around, Scarhead” Zabini sneered.

"Fuck you Zabini ! I go wherever I want, whenever I want. No need your permission for that," Harry took offence.

"Always on edge from what I see... I would like to tell you that I don’t fucking care what you’re here for, but I admit that it intrigues me" Zabini smiled, crossing his arms on his bust.

"I come to see your friend Malfoy if you really want to know everything," Harry replied in a mournful voice.

"What do you want with him?" Zabini asked, suspicious.

“This is my business and I have no intention of telling you more. So, either you tell me where he is, or you leave me alone," Harry said, annoyed.

“I’ve rarely seen someone as unpleasant as you, Potter..., you’re wasting your time, he’s not here,” Zabini replied.

“What do you mean, not _here_?” Harry asked, frowning.

“That’s the next door pavilion, Magical Health, Potter… The ability to read is an option in your courses as a future agent of the ministry, Savior of the Wizard World?" Zabini ironically said, a smile in a corner of his lips.

“Fuck you, Zabini! My neurons and I work perfectly, and if I were you, I’d get my ass out of here before I use my practice class against you,” Harry threatened, his wand in his hand.

"Wow, calm down, Potter, if you so much want to talk to Malfoy, I’m not going to stop you, I care too much about life for that!" Zabini answered, raising his hands before him as a sign of peace.

“I expected no less from an ex-Slytherin like you,” Harry grinned, maliciously.

“Now, if His Highness wishes, I would like to return to my dorm,” Zabini said, pointing to the building in front of him.

"That’s it, get the fucking out!" Harry hissed, moving his wand.

“Well, gladly!” Zabini smiled, before walking quickly to the building.

Harry looked at him until he disappeared behind the door.

So Malfoy was in the magic health pavilion?

Strange...

He never would have thought that Malfoy might be interested in this kind of field, but okay, he had come to talk to him so he was going to do it.

Wherever he is.

Harry turned to the left and went in front of the list of students hanging on the front door of the building. This time, Malfoy’s name was on it. He then entered the hall, went up the stairs to the indicated floor and arrived at the landing where Malfoy was staying.

Harry searched in the darkness, a “Lumos” at the end of his wand, which he pointed at the various doors of the corridor that stood in front of him.

He stopped on one of them, indicating «Draco Malfoy», «Theodore Nott» and his breath got stuck in his chest.

Harry remained motionless for a moment, observing the name of his ex-enemy, enlightened in front of him, before taking great inspiration and knocking on the door.

A few minutes passed and he already wanted to turn around. Noise resounded inside and the door finally opened.

Malfoy appeared in the frame and his face seemed to decompose for a second before a smirk took place on his lips.

"Potter ... To what do I owe the displeasure of seeing you at my door this evening?" he sneered, maliciously.

“We need to talk, Malfoy, let me in! And before you ask, you don’t have a say in this...” Harry threatened, forcing the way, his wand tight.

Harry walks through the door, jostling Malfoy without care.

"But please, make yourself comfortable ..." added Malfoy in a dragging voice.


	7. Lack

**_(Read while listening to "Guess Who’s A Mess", Brad sucks)_ **

**_Saturday, September 19, 1998, 9:05 p.m., Draco Malfoy and Théodore Nott’s dorm, Wizard Academy_ **

Harry then entered Malfoy’s dormitory, his wand in his hand, more determined than ever to stop the charade that had been created between them.

He observed the place where Malfoy was staying and was surprised to find that he was particularly sober.

Harry had expected to see green everywhere and a bunch of expensive objects laid out in the room, but nothing of that taste was apparent.

He then turned to the owner of the dorm, looking up to him. As Malfoy had used to do in Hogwarts. Something he hasn’t been doing since...

"Are you going to threaten me for a long time, or are we doing this out of court?" Malfoy asked, amused.

Harry gauged him for a moment without answering and finally put his wand in the pocket of his jeans before anchoring his green eyes in Malfoy’s grey ones.

Malfoy always had his strange smile stuck to his face. He was wearing a white shirt whose neck was wide open, revealing the top of his pale bust. His light grey eyes caught Harry, blocking his breathing.

If Harry dared, he would confess that Malfoy was very attractive and would slap himself afterwards, to have thought such a thing.

"So Potter, what do you want, this time? Or rather, what do you want again _from me_?" sneered Malfoy.

Harry rolled his eyes, sighing.

"I want you to stop messing with me," Harry simply replied.

"But you seem to like it..." Malfoy whispered.

Harry sighed, annoyed.

“Listen, I don’t know why, but I do have a certain attraction for you. Except that we were never friends and it’s not now that it will change. It will never change!" he replied.

"There was never any question of this between us, Potter..." replied Malfoy in a dragging voice.

“In any case, it is out of the question that this will happen again. I’m with Ginny and it suits me just fine as it is,” Harry cut, without giving him time to add more.

“Hm hm...” Malfoy sneered, who was obviously having trouble holding back laughter.

"What? Why are you laughing?" Harry said, angry.

“Far be it from me to contradict you, but I really find it hard to believe you...” Malfoy replied.

“Well, you’re going to have to do it, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen... NOTHING! Absolutely more NOTHING!” Harry thundered, mimicking with his arms.

Malfoy burst out with a cold laugh.

"Then, explain to me what you’re doing here, if you want everything to stop between us Potter?" he asked, skeptic.

“But that’s exactly why I came to talk to you. To warn you that it was over, all this bullshit... Then, you’ll be nice to go fuck yourself!” Harry scolded.

"But it can be fixed, Potter," replied Malfoy, with a devastating smile on his lips.

“No Malfoy, when I tell you to go get shag, I don’t get into the equation... fuck you anywhere else... except with me... It’s clearer like that?” Harry said, between his teeth.

“You know… repressing one’s impulses is terribly bad for mental health,” Malfoy replied, ironically.

"Well, I’m taking the risk!" Harry said, a glimmer of challenge in his green eyes.

"Come on, Potter... don’t be a fucking virgin, I know you want to..." Malfoy whispered, approaching him.

"But that’s not the problem, Malfoy! I just don’t want it to go on, is that clear?" Harry said in a retreat.

"What if I want to?" Malfoy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What?! But I don’t fucking care what you want or not, Malfoy! It’s what I don’t want anymore to happen with _you_!" Harry said, horrified, mimicking with his arms.

Malfoy seemed to think for a moment, standing against his bedroom door, looking at his nightstand. He then raised his eyes and anchored them in Harry’s.

“It might be complicated, indeed… Because, as far as I’m concerned, I want it to continue, you know? _You_ and _me_. And so much more...” he added, stretching his lips with a mean smile.

"Are you fucking insane? Do you remember who I am to you? Who we are to each other?" Harry shouted, subjugated by what Malfoy offered him.

“Of course I know. You’re Harry Potter, saviour of the wizard world, and I’m Draco Malfoy, ex-Slytherin, pure-blooded wizard and…” he began.

“Ex-Death Eater…” Harry ended in a deep voice.

“Against his will, but if you’re so eager to underline it… Ex-Death Eater, then and repented!” Malfoy said, raising his index finger in the air to affirm his claims.

"No fucking matter if you repented or not, you were a fucking bloody Death Eater, Malfoy!" Harry shouted, out of his mind.

“It didn’t seem to bother you that much when you were yelling at me to continue my little business…” Malfoy sneered, his eyes shining maliciously, crossing his arms on his bust.

"Fuck you, Malfoy!" Harry shouted, exasperated.

"Still on, but not you visibly," he replied in his dragging voice.

“But who gave me such an asshole…You’re really crazy! You fucking obsessed!” Harry shouted, pacing the room while pulling his hair. He was clearly on the verge of an explosion.

“What flowery language… Are you planning to enter an insult contest and practice on me or do you really have a problem with politeness, Potter?" Malfoy breathed, following him with his eyes.

"Fuck you, you bastard!" Harry hissed, sharply turning his head towards Malfoy.

“Ok, I’ve my answer…” Malfoy sneered, sitting on his bed. “And so what do you intend to do with my offer?” he continued.

Harry sighed as he shook his head, desperate.

“I’m wasting my time…”

“Obviously... because I don’t intend to stop pissing you off, Potter. It distracts me far too much to stop it” Malfoy smiled.

A neuron exploded in Harry’s brain and in an excess of anger, he grabbed Malfoy by the neck of his shirt. He lifted him up towards him and gave him a deeply evil glance.

"Listen to me, you fucking ferret, you stop right now what you think you can do, or..."

“Or what, Potter? You’re going to kiss me like last time?” Malfoy hissed.

“You bast-” Harry began.

Then, he threw Malfoy on his bed, carried away by Malfoy's hand. He found himself above Malfoy, his fist raised, preparing to hit him when the dorm door opened.

Harry turned his head sharply towards it.

Theodore Nott, Malfoy’s roommate stood in the doorway and watched the scene, surprised. He looked at his friend then Harry, trembling with rage, fist in the air just above Malfoy who was laughing under him.

"Good evening ... am I interrupting something?" Nott asked, in a neutral tone.

Harry looked down on Malfoy, always laughing. He lowered his fist and finally got up.

"No, I was going to go anyway," replied Harry, doing his best to calm down.

"Don’t you want to join us, Theo?" Malfoy asked, smiling full of teeth, standing on his elbows.

“No, there you see, I think I’m just going to get what I came for and I’m going to let you talk quietly.” Nott added, taking a book that was lying around before heading calmly to the door and closing it behind him.

"Cowardly!" Malfoy shouted at him, laughing. He then turned to Harry, who was clenching his fists and glancing at him. “Breathe Potter, or I think the vein on your forehead will burst,” he sneered.

“Shut up Malfoy! For once, in your whole fucking life, you’ll listen to me! You’re going to stop your stupid game and leave me alone, okay?” Harry shouted, taking care to control himself.

Harry had already gone to the door and kept it open when Malfoy answered.

“I can’t guarantee you that, Potter…” he whispered, from his bed.

"That’s what you’re going to do, Malfoy ..." Harry said, closing behind him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Local Swan”, The Zolas)_ **

Harry walked into his dorm slamming the door. He kicked the trash in front of him, insulting it.

He didn’t give a fuck if that prick didn’t want to leave him alone, he didn’t give a shit!

In truth, he was fucking over the head of this whole thing that had been hanging out with Malfoy since they were children… All that hate that they used to throw themselves in the face whenever the opportunity presented itself, as if it were necessary.

He had to admit that sometimes they looked for each other for no particular reason and that at the slightest mistake of one, the other was pissing him off as fast as he could.

But Harry didn’t foresee in the battle that he would have a special attraction for Malfoy…

There had always been an attraction, but it was filled with hatred and resentment…

There, it was different …

Hatred had turned into purely physical and sexual envy that neither Malfoy nor Harry had foreseen in the equation.

He couldn’t decently let his misplaced cravings take over… He had Ginny and he loved her, he was sure of it.

And it was fucking Malfoy! No way, that an asshole like that would take such a disturbing place in his life!

Harry had done well to stop everything and if that fucking ferret persisted in pissing him off, he would make him regret.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The days passed, and unexpectedly, Malfoy tried nothing more to him.

Harry would have thought he was going to persist as he promised. He had expected Malfoy to do worse or continue as he had begun.

But nothing… As he had clearly stated…

Harry should have been delighted with the situation which he had so required, and which nevertheless left him with a bitter taste. Like he finally wanted Malfoy to work harder to piss him off. Fights a little harder like he used to.

Malfoy even stopped looking at him. Something he had never stopped doing in seven years, every time they crossed paths.

Harry frowned, seeing him quietly resting on a bench outside, chatting with his friends, without a single glance at him.

He didn’t really think he would listen. He had never done it in all those years, it wasn’t now that it was supposed to change…

When two weeks passed, without Malfoy giving him the slightest remark, the slightest smirk that betrayed his desire, Harry had to resolve himself to think that Malfoy, for once, had done what he asked…

Why did he feel that it bothered him more than he wanted?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

More than a month that Malfoy no longer bothered to pay attention to him.

The urge to talk to him itched and he was constantly struggling with it, preventing it from getting the upper hand.

Malfoy had never been so disinterested in him.… He always had a knack for giving him a bad gaze in the days of Hogwarts, which had since turned into a mischievous glance, eager to make him lose his mind.

Harry had a hard time admitting it, but a deep void had been created, since the moment Malfoy stopped looking at him.

It was as if someone had upset the order of things. As if, a part of the story had been coldly torn to leave only a crumpled paper ball. A missing square in the history of his life, where only the first fruits of an unfinished drawing would be represented.

Harry shook his head at the thought that, maybe, Malfoy missed him…

All this rage they maintained, made him more alive every time the insults were directed at Malfoy and Malfoy returned him with all the anger he was experiencing.

"Hi, Harry" made a voice that sat in front of him.

"Hi Neville," Harry replied, coming to his senses.

“Are you alone? Where are Ron, Hermione and Ginny?” his friend wondered.

“Ron and Hermione went to visit Molly and Arthur for the weekend and Ginny followed them,” Harry explained.

“Oh… And you didn’t go,” Neville noticed, puzzled.

“No, I had the Disarming Charm to review…you know you have to try to cast it in a nonverbal spell…” Harry sighed.

“Don’t tell me, I’ve been trying for two days and I can’t…Do you want us to train together? Maybe two of us can do it!” Neville exclaimed, his eyes glowing with excitement, now.

"Yeah, if you want, can we do that in the yard over there if it’s okay with you?" Harry said, pointing at the field.

"Perfect, let’s go!" Neville replied, joyfully.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to "Ethereal", Nova Heart)_ **

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath that stuck in his lungs. He focused on the spell he wanted to cast and the object that would be impacted. He clearly visualized Neville’s wand and saw it fly away from his hands once the spell was pronounced.

He exhaled deeply and suddenly opened his eyes, more determined than ever.

" _Expelliarmus_ ," he thought very strongly, and Neville’s wand jumped from his hands the next moment.

He’d done it the first time.

«Wow, great job Harry! You did it! It was amazing! » Neville claimed.

"Thanks" Harry replied, passing a hand through his hair, an embarrassed smile, by so much effusion from his friend.

“Your turn, now. Ready?” he added, with a chin sign.

"Yeah!" Neville said, before concentrating on Harry’s wand in the hope of making it fly too.

Harry saw him think very strongly, but his wand remained firmly in his hand. His friend sighed with despair and glanced at Harry who smiled at him.

“Do it again, you’ll get there,” Harry encouraged.

Neville focused again and cast the spell.

Harry’s wand flew in the air. A cry of joy escaped from Neville’s lips, irremediably happy to have disarmed Harry.

"See, I was sure you could do it, shall we do it again?" Harry replied with a smile.

«Absolutely! » Neville smiled, taking up position.

They trained hard, trying to be faster every time they tried, to improve their accuracy, aiming for where they wanted the opponent’s wand to land.

Harry finally gets Neville’s wand and overtook it on the fly. He was amazed by his prowess.

Neville was also improving, he managed to expel the wand from Harry’s hands, almost every time. Harry was very proud of him.

When the sun went lower, thus decreasing their visibility, they decided to stop. They had worked hard enough for today.

"Are we going to eat? I’m starving!" Harry noticed.

Neville nodded and joined him.

"Tell me, why you wanted to become Auror?" Harry asked, on the way home.

Neville remained silent before muttering.

“For my parents… why? You think I shouldn’t have?” he suddenly asked.

“What? Yes, of course! But, I thought you would have turned more to Herbology, given how much you like this domain,” Harry said, fearing that he had offended his friend.

“Oh… yes, I could have, that’s true, but since the war, I wanted to continue to do justice to those who didn’t survive, you know? And as much as I love Herbology, I can’t stand by while Death Eater are still running around…” Neville blew, staring at his feet.

“I can see, yeah. That’s also why I followed this path, too,” Harry agreed.

They remained silent until they reached the dining hall. There was nothing more to add, everything was said.

Harry had always had great regard for Neville. Especially since last year when, thanks to him, a horcrux had been killed. And not just any… That fucking Nagini.

Neville had also contributed greatly to the battle by remaining in Hogwarts. Harry would never be grateful enough to him to have always been by his side in the dark moments since all these years.

They each had their own circle of friends now, but they didn’t ignore each other. Harry noticed the enormous progress his friend had made since the dissolution of Dumbledore’s army in their fifth year. He had continued to encourage him, and it worked. He was delighted that Neville chose the same path as him.

Maybe later they would work together, who knows…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Later that evening, Harry convinced himself that an explanation with Malfoy was necessary. He had to talk to him and set the record straight.

It was not worthy of Malfoy to give up so quickly. There was definitely a reason for his reversal, it was obvious!

He first looked for him on campus, hoping to run right into him. This would avoid having to, once again, knock on his door. Malfoy might think he had some sort of hold on him, forcing him to go to his dorm.

He was determined to intercept him in an alley and pulling teeth.

Malfoy had clearly told him that he would not stop pissing him off, that he just didn’t want to.

No, on the contrary, Malfoy wanted to continue what was between them and took a clever pleasure in using recent events to seduce him.

He was not an ex-Slytherin for nothing... Manipulate people, he knew well...

The little bastard was having a field day...

And even though Harry shouldn’t have been so concerned, even rejoicing that he finally decided to let him go, it didn’t stop him from wanting to understand why Malfoy had so quickly stopped pissing him off...

Harry walked to the building where Malfoy was studying, refusing to enter. Malfoy couldn’t have been far, he was still early and Harry didn’t think he was already in bed.

He searched for a moment without ever finding him. He was eventually going to give up when he heard voices arrive on the side of the building.

“Not tonight, Noah” a much-known voice hissed.

Harry froze a few meters from the stage and held his breath.

He recognized Malfoy, who walked to the building with a pressing step, a young man with brown hair following him.

“So keep me informed, I’m tired of always taking the first step... For once I’ll not move and I’ll wait for you!” the named Noah affirmed.

“Know that I’m not taking orders from anyone. If I decide to come and see you, it’s because I would like to, but don’t expect me to come running to you as if I were in need” Malfoy jeered.

“All right, in that case, I’m not sure we’ll see each other again,” Noah replied.

"And I’m sure you do" Malfoy sneered.

Noah didn’t answer, content himself to look down on him before sighing and turning away, dismayed.

«See you next time, Draco... » he blew anyway, as he walked away, his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

«This is how I love them... » Malfoy whispered for himself, before going through the door of his building.

Harry, who had not moved an inch, allowed himself to breathe.

Obviously, that asshole had a pretty big harem on his back.

Harry noticed that this young man was different from the one he saw at the Quidditch game. He squeezed his teeth, remembering Malfoy sticking his tongue in the throat of the first stranger.

He figured it out then, that it was really only a game and that he was only a fucking other pawn.

Harry had foolishly thought that this treatment was exclusively for him. He was obviously mistaken…

No, he definitely had no choice...

He really had to talk to him…


	8. Explanation

**_( Read while listening to “The 15th”, Fischerspooner)_ **

**_Monday, October 26, 1998, 10:48 p.m., Magical Health and Wellness Building, Wizard Academy_ **

Harry had been waiting in front of the building for twenty minutes now and was unable to decide to enter.

He had turned his back several times, repeating that it was decidedly not a good idea, but something in him, forced him to stay.

So he trampled like a fool in front of the building, sighing.

What the hell was he doing?

More than a month now that Malfoy was acting as if he simply didn’t exist and that had really put his nerves on edge. He didn’t understand at what point Malfoy had decided to simply ignore him.

Harry had just asked him to stop teasing him as he had been doing since the beginning of the year.

But to pretend that Harry doesn’t exist anymore…

Harry was almost offended about that. Malfoy had clearly messing with him and he could not let this go by without saying anything. He had to pay. That asshole had to explain why he sudden stoped everything.

This is why Harry was there, jumping almost on the spot, cooled, and to give himself the courage to face his ex-enemy again, for reasons that he himself did not confess.

“Fuck it…” he said, deciding to move on.

He rushed into the hall and climbed the floors until he arrived at Malfoy’s, where again he hesitated.

It was ridiculous, there was any reason to be afraid of that little prick. _He_ was the future Auror after all and it wasn’t a fucking asshole like Malfoy who was going to fail him.

_"You’re a Gryffindor or not? " he thought for himself._

Harry took a deep breath and prepared to knock on the door, when it opened before him.

Theodore Nott was standing in front of the doorway, looking as shocked as he did.

Harry had his eyes wide open, his fist in the air, and he couldn’t move.

Nott then took the floor, to break the discomfort that was settling.

“Err… You came to see Draco I suppose?” he asked, as if it were the very evidence.

Harry nodded.

Nott looked at him for a moment, seeming to be waiting for a more explicit confirmation and turned slightly before speaking in the void.

"There’s Potter who wishes to speak to you, it seems, I let him in?" he asked, over his shoulder.

"Who?" asked a dragging voice behind him.

"Potter, Harry Potter. He’s here and I think he wants to talk to you" Nott repeated, looking for Harry to confirm his words.

The door opened wide, and Malfoy appeared, seeming puzzled.

"Potter? But what the hell are you doing here?" he wondered.

"As your friend just told you, I came to have an explanation with you," Harry replied, putting his hand down and stuffing it in his trouser pocket.

Malfoy blinked his grey eyes, seeming to reflect for a moment.

"And may I know what explanation I have to give you?" he asked, wrinkling his eyes.

"Not before you let me in" Harry insisted, glaring at him.

“Ok… You won’t mind if I leave you, I have other things to do than to see you kill each other” Nott said, slipping between them and rushed down the stairs.

"Who talked of killing each other, our friend Potter just seems to want to chat," Malfoy said, without leaving Harry’s eyes.

"You invite me in or you let me rot here?" Harry replied.

“I admit it’s tempting, but I’m far too curious to hear what you have to say to me,” Malfoy sneered, fading slowly to let Harry in, closing the door behind him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Once inside, Malfoy crossed his arms on his bust and waited.

“So, I’m listening to you, what explanation you want from me?” he asked.

“Why did you do exactly what I asked you to do?” Harry said, turning his head to glance him.

"You can be more explicit?" Malfoy jeered, who clearly didn’t see what he was getting at.

“When I told you that I wanted you to stop your bullshit, why did you do it so quickly? I thought you wanted it to continue?” Harry added, annoyed.

"Yes I did" Malfoy simply replied.

“So why didn’t you push me over the edge like you always do?” Harry insisted, frowning.

Malfoy raised his own, gauging him for a moment.

“Wait, I don’t understand what we’re doing here exactly? You wanted me to stop so that’s what I did and now you’re asking me why I didn’t continue?” he replied, puzzled.

Harry opened his mouth and closed it immediately. Well, from this angle, one might think that it bothered him more than anything else... However, that was completely false!

"What is bothering me is that I see that you have used me," he replied between his teeth.

He had certainly asked Malfoy not to tease him anymore, but he had never thought that he was simply going to ignore him.

"And I don’t deny, that’s exactly what I did," said Malfoy, raising one eyebrow.

Harry opened wide his eyes.

“Are you kidding me? I’m just a fucking puppet you have fun with when you want to?” he hissed, with contempt.

"I’d like to know the moment when I made you think you were something else?" Malfoy replied, in a grin.

Harry squeezed his fists, overwhelmed by Malfoy’s words.

"I don’t know what keeps me from hitting you..." he blew between his teeth.

“Let’s see, Potter, obviously, you wanted me to think of you differently than I always did...” Malfoy sneered.

Harry shook his head, disillusioned, and then anchored his eyes again in Malfoy’s.

"I thought you had changed..., apparently you haven’t," he replied, frowning.

Malfoy breathed a weary sigh.

"Potter, you ask me if I used you, the answer is yes, because the opportunity presented itself..." he explained, walking up to the middle of the room, overtaking him before turning to face him again.

A slight grin stretched his lips when he added.

“Then you begged me to leave you alone and that’s what I did. Now, I have the distinct impression that you've cruelly missed me...” Malfoy whispered.

“Wh-What?! But you’re talking nonsense! I just don’t understand why you didn’t push harder, that’s all...” Harry said, embarrassed by the way things were going.

He passed a hand in his dark hair, turning away his gaze.

“I honestly thought that you would continue even if I told you not to... This is always what you do..." he insisted, anchoring his green eyes again into Malfoy’s.

Malfoy seemed to gauge him for a moment, then raised an eyebrow.

"Would you have liked me to continue?" he asked, stretching out his smile, which no longer seemed to want to leave his lips.

“Fuck, no! I just told you that I thought _you_ wanted to continue, but on my side I was very clear!” Harry retorted, annoyed.

Malfoy stared at him for a moment and then wrinkled his grey eyes.

“You’re sure about that, Potter? I think you wanted me to _wank_ you, again,”

Harry slammed his tongue on his puck, wincing.

“Stop taking your dreams for realities Malfoy, I don’t give a fuck about you and contrary to what you think, I absolutely didn't like that you... you touch me in this way” he replied, shaking his head, disgusted.

Malfoy raised his eyebrows before showing a smug look on his face.

“Oh yes you did... Do I have to remind you that you _came_? Or it wasn’t your sperm I had on my hand?” he answered, licking his lips, daring him to say otherwise.

"Shut up, Malfoy!" Harry hissed, pushing him to the back of the room.

Malfoy hit his nightstand and the objects on it wobbled dangerously.

He sneered. Obviously, being pushed back by Harry didn’t intimidate him anymore than that. On the contrary, it seemed to double his fucking smile that had continued to increase during their exchange.

“Come on, Potter... You’re not going to make me believe that you didn’t appreciate… you were hard as a rock under my fingers...” he sneered.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Harry yelled, pinning Malfoy on the wall with his arm under his chin, his other hand pointing his wand at his throat.

"I love it when you lose your temper like that... I love to make you lose your mind..." Malfoy said, maliciously.

Harry could feel his hand shaking around his wand, his knuckles whitening under the rage that animated him.

"You bastard... I should hex you that will make you shut your mouth for the rest of your life," he spit out.

“So what are you waiting for? Do it instead of saying nothing...” Malfoy dared him in a grin.

**_(Read while listening to "Is It Wrong", Lana Del Rey)_ **

Harry was way too close to Malfoy, he could feel his breath crashing on his face. He saw his grey eyes glowing with desire for him. His smile always on his lips... This one, too close to his own.

He lingered a little too long on the mouth of Malfoy who realized it since he passed his tongue on his lips. Harry swallowed, blinking his eyes and then lifts them up to Malfoy’s.

“What are you going to do, Potter? Killing me? Hexing me? Or...” Malfoy blew, his eyes down slowly on Harry’s mouth and then bit his lower lip.

Harry felt his breath freeze in his lungs and was unable to answer.

What did he want? The question deserved to be asked... He didn’t really know himself...

He wasn’t even quite sure what he was doing there.

It seemed vaguely to him that he had come to scold Malfoy for having given him so little importance in a month, whereas he had pissed him off since Harry had wrongfully kissed him in a nightclub...

Harry frowned, looking at Malfoy.

He had missed this asshole, it was true... he would have wanted him not to listen to him, he would have wanted to continue to exist for him...

Harry shook his head realizing that Malfoy had always been present in his life since Hogwarts.

He had a more important place than he thought… _too important_

It scared him, it also made his heart beat a little too much... Especially when he looked at him that way... With smugness and envy, as if he had any attraction for him.

He jumped when he felt the hand of Malfoy pass under the edge of his t-shirt, caress his skin with his fingertips, just above his pants. But, He did not retreat. He was as if frozen and his muscles refused to move.

Malfoy’s fingers ran higher on his belly and he held a moan in his throat, because his fingers were soft and he felt his skin shiver under their touch.

Malfoy continued his exploration until he grazed his nipples and there again Harry hardly moved. Just a little under the effect of surprise, but he remained almost stuck to Malfoy as if he were asking for more. He felt his eyelids close slowly and he blinked several times to stay focused on Malfoy moves.

Malfoy suddenly took off his hand and Harry heard himself growling to lose this pleasant sensation against his skin. Malfoy then took his shirt between his fingers and pulled him closer to him. Just enough to make their noses practically stick.

Harry breathed with difficulty, his heart beat louder in his chest. He lost himself in Malfoy’s eyes, too grey, too dark, and lowered his gaze on half-open lips, both fine and fleshy, letting out a warm breath that came to caress his own.

He looked at these lips for a moment, thinking of what he would like to do to them, and leaned slightly to narrow the gap between them. While closing his eyes, he stuck his mouth against Malfoy’s and relaxed all his muscles, releasing his arm that held his wand to bring it back to his side. He felt Malfoy’s hand sticking to his neck to accentuate the kiss and thus stick him even more to him.

Harry sighed when Malfoy’s tongue forced the way between his lips to come embrace his own. He dropped his wand and grabbed Malfoy’s shoulders of his two hands, holding them tightly so as not to fall under the effect of the kiss.

Malfoy removed his hand from his neck to place it between their busts where Harry felt that it was busy removing the buttons from Malfoy’s shirt. When he had finished to open it completely, he discarded it, without stopping the burning kiss they exchanged.

There was fury in that kiss, desire, and fear on Harry’s side... Yeah, he was afraid of his own actions, but obviously not enough to stop them. Because Malfoy made him lose his sense of right and wrong. Because he smelled good, because it was good to kiss Malfoy and it was hot and fucking sexy too.

He no longer cared for anything while his mouth foraged his, their teeth colliding at times, their erratic breath at every moment.

Malfoy took one of Harry’s hands, always crushing his shoulder and bringing it back to his chest. He made it travel, making it touch his muscles, discover his man body. He lowered it to his warm belly and lingered on it, redrawing his navel and abdominals. He lowered it even lower, to the edge of his pants. He stopped, abandoning Harry’s hand on it, and began to unbutton and then slightly slide his pants down before resting his hand on Harry’s.

Malfoy slowly shifted Harry’s hand to position it just above his groin and grazed it with his fingers. Harry snapped and froze against Malfoy’s lips and held his breath.

Harry’s brain reconnected for a second when he figured it out.

Malfoy was about to make him touch his cock…

He was about to put his hand on Malfoy’s dick and he didn’t feel ready to do it. Harry tried to remove his fingers, but this one tightened his wrist to keep him from moving.

“Malfoy...” Harry blew, against his mouth.

«Let me guide you... » Malfoy replied, taking hold of his lips again.

Harry felt his hand sticking against Malfoy’s penis and gave a little cry in Malfoy’s mouth. He wanted to back off, but Malfoy clung to his arm and holding his hand firmly around him. Malfoy then began slow movements on his sex, thus guiding Harry’s hand in slow back and forth, to accustom him to his body.

Malfoy’s hand accelerated a little more, forcing on Harry’s wrist while biting his lower lip in a roar. Harry let it happen, taking pleasure in feeling Malfoy so hard between his fingers.

It was his first time…

He had never wanked another man’s cock.

And it was Malfoy he was wank.

It was Malfoy who guided him and he felt his own hand move in rhythm with his. He wanted Malfoy to have pleasure, because he also took it.

Malfoy groaned against his lips, his hand was almost no longer holding his own, only his fingers still surrounded his own, but not enough to continue guiding them. It was Harry who rubbing his hand against Malfoy’s sex. And he liked it, feel the heat emanating from his bloody dick. He was excited to know that it was _he_ who provided his pleasure.

And when Malfoy’s moans became more raucous and Harry’s hand accelerated his friction a little more, Malfoy stopped kissing him and bit Harry's neck to shout and cum between his fingers.

Harry stopped coming and going and stood there for a moment, panting, his hand soiled by Malfoy’s sperm. This one breathed hard against him, his teeth still in the flesh of his neck. Harry didn’t dare move, waiting for the rest, because his brain hadn’t realized yet.

His mind was still foggy when Malfoy detached himself from him and took his wand to clean them.

**_(Read while listening to "You Do It Well", Saint Motel)_ **

Harry was still completely confused when Malfoy pushed him back to his bed to tip him over.

He had still not regained his senses when Malfoy undertook to lower his trousers. He blinked when he felt Malfoy’s hand grazing his groin when he took off his boxers.

Harry stood up and Malfoy leaned over him to grab his lips in a dizzying kiss that made his head spin.

Malfoy’s hand grabbed his dick, already hard to get him to come earlier and he gave a pronounced groan to that simple thought. Malfoy let go of his mouth and lowered his head into the hollow of his neck to bite his flesh, making him shiver with pleasure. Harry bowed and threw his head back, his eyes closed, his teeth biting his lower lip so as not to scream.

Harry was gasping at Malfoy’s wrist, so precise and so measured that he didn’t know how long he was going to last. He felt Malfoy slip over him, kissing his collarbone, his bust and going down to his belly, then the moves of Malfoy’s hand stopped.

Then, Harry risked a glance at him and saw his face very close -too close- to his glowing sex from the pleasure that overwhelmed him. He contracted the muscles of his lower belly, despite himself. Malfoy anchored his stormy grey eyes in his own and Harry swallowed when he understood what he was about to do.

Once again, he wanted to stop him but Malfoy had already caught his sex and brought up his tongue all along, snatching a groan from Harry. Malfoy licked the head of his cock, licking the few drops that beaded there and Harry moaned louder, his head tipping back, his back bowing under pleasure.

Malfoy then put his lips on the fine skin of his sex and Harry blew a small acute moan. His eyelids beat frantically under the sensations that Malfoy gave him of his expert tongue, so damp, so hot, and terribly skillful...

Malfoy’s lips surrounded Harry’s entire penis and his mouth, get down and rose, in pronounced comings and goings that accentuated Harry’s moans.

Harry moved his head from side to side, losing all control of his body while Malfoy sucked him as if his life depended on it.

Unintelligible words escaped from his lips, feeling his back bow more and his hips produce blows in spite of him, prompting Malfoy to continue his delicious torture.

Harry’s fingers tightened the sheets around him until the knuckles were whitened. He suffered. The pleasure that Malfoy gave him defied all those to whom he had succumbed until now.

He had never been sucked in this way, never to the point of losing his mind and of letting himself totally get into Malfoy’s bed. Malfoy was the only one who made him go through this, making him lose his head so much that he kissed him rather than hit him. Being in need of his gazes and his voice for over a month. Not being able to let go of him when he passed him in a corridor.

Yeah, Malfoy was the only one making him feel all this at once, and Harry was so pissed that he was haunted by him, his _fucking_ enemy...

Malfoy was still sucking it when Harry’s hands came off the bed and stuffed them in blond, almost white hair. He felt Malfoy flinch and this made him moan louder as Malfoy accelerated again the coming and going of his mouth on his sex.

Harry tilted his head forward to look at him and bit his lips, preventing another moaning from coming out.

He found Malfoy handsome while sucking his dick with his mouth. Malfoy was handsome, and it was the first time he see that. Seeing him take care of him made him beautiful and he was coming soon, he knew it.

And as if Malfoy had guessed, he slowly opened his eyes and anchored his veiled gaze in Harry’s. This was enough for Harry who came in a final jolt, without having had time to warn him.

Harry remained for a moment, his eyes staring at the ceiling, unable to move, the muscles of his body visibly having difficulty listening to him.

Malfoy stood up in front of him and licked his lips, before erasing the last drops of semen with the back of his hand. Harry finally seemed to realize that he could now move and rose on his elbows, completely disoriented.

Malfoy said nothing, look at him with a slight smile on the corner of his lips, blushed for having sucked so much Harry.

Harry struggled up and began to get dressed, remembering what had just happened. He blinked, swallowing. He had gone far too far and strangely, even though he felt guilty enough to disgust himself by having undeniably betrayed Ginny, he had no regrets...

It was so...

No words seemed to explain how he felt while Malfoy was taking care of him, but he knew he liked it...

No, it was even beyond just having liked… He had _come_ in Malfoy’s mouth and he still couldn’t touch the ground after all that.

He risked a glance at Malfoy, who was still looking at him, raising an eyebrow. His eyes were filled with apprehension, as if he expected Harry to hit him in the balls for daring to touch him. Harry frowned, thinking that Malfoy cared what he felt at that moment then he remembered that Malfoy told that he messing with him.

So Harry looked down on him, showed him he wasn’t the pawn he hoped for. That he had enough self-respect to stay and watch him without leaving the room after what they’d done.

Malfoy didn’t move, but grinned to see him dare him.

When Harry walked towards the door, cutting off the eye contact, he felt him getting close.

Harry turned the handle and Malfoy took his arm and stuck to his back. His lips grazed his ear and Harry froze in the doorway.

“Next time, Potter” Malfoy whispered before letting go and backing away.

Harry didn’t answer. He opened the door wide and once on the landing, slammed it behind him, sighing.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry stood still in the hallway, until he regained his senses.

He had clearly crossing the line by letting Malfoy _suck_ him like that.

He could have at any moment backed away, refused or even hit...

But his desire for Malfoy had overtaken his reason and Harry had let himself be carried away by it, never to rise again.

He became aware that he was dirty, defiled by his own semen but also by his own actions.

Then, making mechanical moves, he went down the stairs and out of the building, before finding the fresh air at the end of the evening.

Harry walked slowly, without really looking where to go, his steps leading him to his dorm as his brain dictated.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Once in the bathroom, he took off his pants and took off his still sticky boxers from his flings with Malfoy.

Harry slipped in the shower and ran the hot water, still disturbed. He looked at the ground, rubbing abundantly the parts where Malfoy had laid his hands on him. Especially his balls where Malfoy’s mouth had sucked him. He still felt his tongue all over his body, tracing his muscles and tasting his skin.

Harry shuddered despite the heat that filled the room. Malfoy was all over him... and he liked it, he knew he shouldn’t, but it was stronger than him.

Then, he allowed himself one last time, to relive the scene, before resuming the course of his life.

Tomorrow everything would resume as before, he hoped to have quenched his thirst for Malfoy for good. It wouldn’t happen again. It had to...

For him, for Ginny…


	9. Temptation

**_(Read while listening to “Gangs In The Garden”, Black Moth Super Rainbow)_ **

****

**_Tuesday, November 3, 1998, 1:07 p.m., Campus dining hall, Wizard Academy_ **

A few days after his little gap with Malfoy, this one seemed to consider him again. He finally had ceased to act as if Harry had never existed. On the contrary, he seemed quite inclined to show everyone around them, that he was interested in him, which was particularly bothering Harry.

"But what does he have to look at you like that?" Ron asked, wrinkling at Malfoy’s dubious attitude in front of them.

Harry turned his head towards Malfoy, who was staring at him, with a slight smile on the corner of his lips. He felt blush by this more than explicit glance. Harry knew very well why Malfoy looked at him in this way.

He remembered perfectly the last time he left Malfoy, especially _how_... He shuddered as he remembered Malfoy’s emotions and attitude towards him.

“He always had the annoying tendency to look at me to piss me off... It shouldn’t surprise you any more, it’s Malfoy after all” Harry sighed, turning his eyes away.

“I’m sure he’s up to something... He always has something in mind, that fucking ferret,” Ron snorted.

"We’ll see, I have other things to do than deal with Malfoy and you too if you want my opinion" Harry replied, in a weary tone.

That was entirely true, they had courses to study and that was why they had invested part of the refectory to be able to read and eat as they wanted.

But Harry didn’t expect Malfoy to be there too...

He must have known that Malfoy would always be there at the wrong time.

"Yeah, screw that asshole!" Ron said, focusing on his book, not without a last evil gaze at Malfoy.

Harry struggled to ignore Malfoy, despite his insistent gaze upon him.

He felt it as he tried to revise the spells of elemental magic that they would have to reproduce tomorrow morning for their first class of the day.

As usual, he and Ron were doing it at the last minute to study, they had both been very busy.

Ron went to help George manage the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes stocks and Harry, had tried to focus on his relationship with Ginny, whom he had more or less abandoned since the Malfoy episode.

It was very complicated to think only of her while he kissed her and touched her, whereas just a few days earlier, he had let Malfoy do similar things to him and, to his great dismay, he had liked it.

Oh yeah, he had loved that Malfoy wanked him and he had liked even more when he sucked him.

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them again to focus on the properties of the spell that invokes the wind.

Ginny hadn’t noticed, though. His attitude must have seemed natural enough to her that she didn’t notice how much he had forced himself to keep in mind that he was with her and not with Malfoy while he caressed and kissed her woman’s body.

Yet, the last one Harry touched was totally different from Ginny. Because it was that of a man, who therefore didn’t have the same forms, nor the same peculiarities and also because it was _Malfoy_ ’s body.

Harry swallowed.

Malfoy had made him discover every part of his body with the help of his hand before making him touch his cock. Harry tightened his hands on the book, thinking about the texture of Malfoy’s sex between his fingers. He risked a look at him and was happy to see that he was no longer staring at him. His attention had focused on Zabini with whom he was chatting.

Harry realized that his heart was beating too fast and that his breathing had become difficult to bear while he was thinking back to that moment exchanged with Malfoy. Horrified, he realized that he even had an erection while his best friend was sitting beside him.

Harry tightened his legs a little more, lest the bulge of his trousers became visible.

He really had to calm down, he had to forget that scene from the past and focus on his studies and his relationship with Ginny.

He had to.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry was doing everything he could to get Malfoy out of his head, but he was obviously not determined to leave him alone... He kept seeing Malfoy pass by, his seductive smile on his fucking lips that he had tasted and enjoyed the times when he had kissed them.

He seemed to enjoy his reactions, constantly displaying a grin. Harry suffered from being so embarrassed every time he saw him. His senses seemed strangely aroused as soon as he grazed him or Malfoy glared at him.

Malfoy was messing with him. He said he liked making him lose his mind and showed Harry that he wanted to do it again, if he was interested too.

And Harry was...

In his great misfortune, he wanted to do it again but he promised to stop.

So, he passed in silence the beats of his heart that beat too hard against his chest, closed his eyes on his hands too moist to want to touch him again, and blocked his breathing when it became too hard to bear.

Harry struggled to silence his ill-tempered desire to go to Malfoy and start over what they started last time. When Harry thought he’d finally moved on, that asshole was even more visible than before.

Like he wouldn’t give him a break to make him forget.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

His elementary spell class went pretty well, and he and Ron managed to come up with something that wasn’t too bad, even Neville had vaguely moved a notebook on the table when he had striven to exercise the magic of the wind.

Harry, on the other hand, headed for the cold one. He had managed to partially freeze a glass, concentrating his magic flow on his hand. Ron had taken the fire. He had created a very small flame that had consumed for a long time the sheet of paper that he intended to burn.

Those spells were derivatives of the magic they knew. But the most complicated, remained to invoke it. If the basic spells they had learned during their years at Hogwarts seemed easy to them, elemental magic was even more powerful and required much more training and practice.

He and Ron had carelessly settled down on an outside table despite the cold of the incipient winter, the fresh air of the wind had cooled their much-used brains in recent hours.

As they debated how Ron had managed to tame his flame to take it to burn his leaf rather than the classroom floor, Harry again noticed that Malfoy was watching him further away. He was with another man whom Harry found far too close to him to be just a friend.

He had the confirmation when this friend, passed a hand in Malfoy’s hair to put a strand behind his ear with such delicacy that this it was almost indecent.

This fucking ferret reported his attention on the man who now stroked his cheek and took his wrist to remove his hand and lower it with a cold gaze.

Harry, who had begun to tense himself, was relaxed and could not hold back an amused smile in front of the man who seemed outraged at being rejected in this way. He stopped very quickly, however, seeing Malfoy turn his eyes at him with a serious glance before biting his lower lip indecently.

Harry moistened his lips, hardly holding back a moan at Malfoy’s gesture, which was visibly destined for him. He swallowed, however, when the man in front of Malfoy stared at him. Harry quickly turned his eyes to his best friend, who looked at him, worried.

"All right, mate? You look weird these days" Ron asked, frowning.

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be okay?” Harry replied, trying to look as casual as possible.

“I don’t know, you’re kind of... absent... It was Hermione who pointed it out to me and now that she’s told me, I also find you look weird." Ron noticed, looking at him.

“I’m not looking weird! I’m just a little bit tired from the classes, it takes a lot of energy, and sometimes I probably have to burn out more than I need to without meaning to” Harry replied.

“If you say so... But if there was something you would tell me, right?” asked Ron, still worried.

"Of course, you know that I can’t hide anything from you" Harry said, feeling ashamed to lie to his best friend.

“Even if you wanted to, Hermione would find out and go straight to me” Ron sneered.

“I have no doubt, she always worrying about us, even when there’s nothing,” Harry sighed.

“You know Hermione, as soon as she can feel useful, she runs headlong and she’s often right, that’s the most annoying part” Ron grumbled.

Harry laughed, it was true that Hermione saw them as open books. She had the annoying habit of checking you out and looking for what was wrong when she thought something was wrong.

And in this case, she was aiming just once again...

Harry was often in his thoughts, and they were all turned to Malfoy, but whatever he did to keep him away, Malfoy always ended up haunting him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Poison,” Meg Myers)_ **

It had been a week, and Harry had finally conceded defeat.

Malfoy had not stopped baiting him and showing him that he still wanted him. Harry had finally succumbed.

Harry had desperately tried to forget him and focus on Ginny, but even she, had failed to disgust him with Malfoy. Even she, had not succeeded in making him lose the desire that Harry felt for Malfoy.

He had him in the skin and it was impossible for Harry to withdraw him, even after all the moments he shared with Ginny.

But Harry loved her, desired and appreciated, most of all, Ginny’s company. And it was his girlfriend, he was madly in love with her but his desire for Malfoy was even stronger. Harry was as if electrified and all his senses were multiplied every time he saw him.

Then he made a decision which he had thought long and hard, and which he knew would make him an even more pathetic being than he already was, but for too long, he had gone to great lengths to deny the truth. It’s for this reason that he was already in front of Malfoy’s dorm to expel all that he wanted from him.

Harry took his time knocking on the door, like a convict going to the slaughterhouse, to be shot, fully aware that it was the only choice he had left. And when the door opened, Malfoy did not seem the least bit surprised by his presence here. On the contrary, he seemed to have been waiting for him all week, when Harry saw his bloody grin stretch his lips as he faded to let him in.

He had barely walked through the door, that Malfoy was already laying his hands on him. Harry groaned when Malfoy’s hands ran through his back before grabbing his hips firmly and turning him over to face him.

He grabbed his lips without restraint and tasted it in the most indecent of ways, slipping his tongue into his mouth to wrap it around his own. Harry moaned as their tongues mingled sensually. He grabbed Malfoy’s shoulders hard so he wouldn’t waver.

Kissing Malfoy was totally hot. Malfoy’s kisses were feverish and his taste was so good that Harry lost his mind. Malfoy’s hands were already beginning to take off his t-shirt and unbutton his pants, his breath against his mouth becoming shorter and shorter.

But Harry wanted him, he wanted to touch _him_. He wanted to feel what effect he was producing at Malfoy, who pushed him to seduce him in this way. Harry had thought of nothing else since the last time, he had not stopped remembering Malfoy’s cock, which trembled in his hands and Malfoy, which gasped under his wrist strokes.

Then Harry pushed Malfoy against his door and forced him to stop any movement on him. He looked a little taken aback, but groaned when Harry began to remove the buttons from his pants and grazed his erection.

Malfoy threw his head back, closing his eyes and biting his lip when Harry encircled his sex and began to move back and forth on it.

Harry reveled in the sight Malfoy offered him. His moans became more raucous as he exerted this pressure on his sex.

“It’s your fault that I want you... it’s your fault that I’m like this...” Harry blew, between his teeth, while he masturbated Malfoy ever louder.

Harry was biting his lips watching Malfoy lose his mind. It was he who made him moan with pleasure with his hand. And he liked it, he liked it to do Malfoy good. Because it made him beautiful, it made him more desirable than he already was in his eyes.

“Fuck, Malfoy... You’re the one who’s putting me in this state...”

Malfoy’s back bowed, and in a final jolt he came into his hand, a hoarse groan escaping from his lips. His head then settled on Harry’s shoulder where he slowly resumed his breath before anchoring his retinas in Harry’s dark green eyes.

Harry supported his gaze, the erratic breathing of having wanked Malfoy and of having seen him come against him.

He felt Malfoy’s hands pass between them and push him back, until he bumped into something that turned out to be a bed and felt tipped over, his back hitting the mattress.

Malfoy took off their pants and sat over him, blocking his hips with his legs before bending over to kiss him passionately. He then stopped kissing to stand up and Harry became aware of what he was seeing.

He was lying naked on the bed and Malfoy on top of him was practically naked too. He detailed his thin bust his pearly skin so sexy. He lowered his eyes to his belly button and then to his hard-on cock that was pointing at him. His own was just below and he felt blush by this sudden closeness.

He struggled a little, embarrassed to be so glued to Malfoy, but Malfoy tightened his grip on his hips, preventing him from reoffending. Harry’s eyes rose to Malfoy’s face, who seemed to gauge him, as if he expected him to stop everything after having found himself in this indecent position.

Harry was afraid, he felt the heartbeats of his heart failing. He had never been in this situation and felt paralyzed. Malfoy smiled as if to relax him before wrapping his hand on his erection and beginning progressive back and forth, staring at him.

Harry gasped and groaned at Malfoy’s wrist strokes. Malfoy seemed much focused on what he was doing, a line formed between his eyebrows as he masturbated Harry, as if he were trying to find out what movement was working most for him.

Harry was lost in his grey eyes, darkened by pleasure and the strands of blond hair that fell before them. Harry found himself wanting to put one back behind his ear and remembered the man who had done the same and Malfoy had rejected him. So, Harry lowered his arm that he had lifted and caught Malfoy’s sex pointing at him.

Malfoy had a jolt at this contact and Harry smiled to see him so excited too. He already felt that he didn’t have much time left, the expert Malfoy’s hand continuing his more and more enterprising back and forth. He heard himself moaning louder as it moved on his sex.

Harry accelerated the pace on Malfoy’s erection, which in turn groaned under the effect it gave him. Malfoy gasped, and his precise moves at first became more blurred by the wrist strokes Harry offered him.

Several times, he opened his mouth in a silent moan that ripped small noises from Harry, finding him even hotter.

Harry kept his eyes on him, savoring every moment, every movement. He wanted to engrave this vision of Malfoy who let himself go. He, always impeccably straight and his look so cold. There, Malfoy was hot on Harry, his whole being, burned Harry's skin, he was incandescent.

It hurt so much it was good, it radiated and neither of them held back. Malfoy moved against him, their hands winding their erections that shocked each other and this move made Harry moan again, still raising the temperature in his body.

**_(Read while listening to “Dusty”, Ez3kiel)_ **

He should never have been here, he knew it, but seeing Malfoy right above him, listening to his noises of pleasure, feeling him against him, he wouldn’t want to miss it for the world.

And even if it was wrong, even if he didn’t have the right, it was Malfoy, bloody hell, and no one ever made him feel so alive. Never before had he felt so much life sweating under his skin.

All that tingling reminded him that he was alive. And it was Malfoy who made him feel all this, it was Malfoy who instilled this feeling in him and he loved it.

He asked for more, he drank it shamefully, as much as he could…

And Harry noticed the shirt. He frowned and wondered why Malfoy didn’t take it off. They weren’t on an equal footing, he was naked while Malfoy kept his last clothe.

Then Harry raised a hand, while Malfoy continued to wank him between his fingers.

Harry grabbed the shirt and began to remove it, revealing one shoulder, then another. He could see Malfoy’s torso perfectly now, but it still wasn’t enough. He wanted to remove the garment completely, pulling the sleeves, to discover his arms, but Malfoy stopped him, blocking his movement with his free hand.

“N... No... Stop it, P...Potter” he gasped with difficulty.

Harry did not listen to him and freed his arm to pull again on the shirt that masked part of his body. Despite a second attempt, Malfoy did not manage quickly enough to block his wrist

And Harry saw it...

It was there, pinned against his forearm and seemed to taunt him for having always been there. Harry stared at it, stopping any movement on Malfoy that also stopped. Harry held his breath, no longer removing his eyes from the tattoo that Malfoy wore.

The Dark Mark, Harry almost forgot it...

He had always known that Malfoy had been a Death Eater, but had never seen it with his eyes, on Malfoy’s skin.

Harry swallowed hard, squeezing the shirt between his fingers, forgetting everything he did before that.

It was pale, like a tattoo that would have lost its original color. Harry’s hand moved to touch it. As soon as he had laid a finger, Malfoy shuddered. Harry traced it delicately, but only felt Malfoy’s soft skin there.

“Stop it...” Malfoy hissed, backing his arm.

Harry turned his eyes on him and frowned. Malfoy had clasped his hand on the mark and began to lift up his shirt with a hurt gaze.

“Why Malfoy? Are we ashamed of having succumbed? Shame of having folded before Voldemort?” Harry jeered, who felt his anger rising in spite of him.

“Fuck you, Potter... You don’t know anything about my life so don’t talk to get nothing out of it.” He retorted, in a dragging voice.

“It’s true, I don’t know much about it, but this mark proves that he owned you... And that’s enough for me to recognize an enemy.” Harry replied.

“The trouble with you, Potter, is that you haven’t through far enough ahead. You don’t know why I joined him, you don’t know what I went through to “deserve it”. So before you jump to conclusions, shut up, it’s best for everyone." Malfoy jeered, staring at the wall.

Harry had not stopped staring at Malfoy since they were talking, but Malfoy wasn’t looking at him.

He had a bitter smile and held his arm firmly, now covered with his only garment.

Yes, Harry didn’t know exactly why Malfoy had allied himself with Voldemort’s cause, but it didn’t matter to him at the time, the damage was done, he had chosen his clan and it wasn’t his.

Harry had always known deep down that Malfoy would be a Death Eater, it was in his genes, it was the logical follow-up to his fate.

Harry remembered the time when he heard Malfoy bragging about his status with Snape and he had a violent urge to hit Malfoy’s fucking head against a wall after watching the scene. In fact, he had done much worse later...

Harry closed his eyes, remembering the blood on the tile, Malfoy’s already white body losing little of its colors, while he died in front of him, by his fault, by his hands...

Harry opened them, feeling Malfoy moving away. He got up and walked away from the bed to put on his clothes.

Harry remained for a few moments, lying on the sheets, still stained by their lovemaking, before rising up in his turn and getting closer to him.

Malfoy watched him do it without flinching, his glance turned cold again.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m always attracted to you...” Harry assumed, standing in front of him.

And it was true, his erection which had somewhat fallen off during their exchange hardened again facing Malfoy.

Malfoy raised a sarcastic eyebrow and then sketched an arrogant smile. He got even closer to Harry, anchoring his grey eyes in his own.

“All right, Potter, so you’re going to get back on the bed and I’m going to get you off the ground like you’ve never done before in your life.” he assured, his lips a few inches from Harry’s.

"Still as arrogant as I see..., but I wouldn’t be so sure, if I were you..." Harry sneered.

"Oh? And why, I beg you?" Malfoy asked, in a grin.

“Because…” began Harry, with a smirk on his lips.

Harry grabbed him by the back of the neck, brought him a little closer and clasped their foreheads to anchor his eyes in Malfoy’s grey ones.

“I’m a quick learner” he concluded, sealing their lips with a feverish kiss.

Malfoy answered by grabbing the back of his neck in turn and laid him again on his bed.

They were already hard and wet from their recently exchanged lovemaking.

It wouldn’t last long, they knew it, but Harry was sure he wanted it, still feeling Malfoy’s hand on him, jerking him off like he knew how to do it so well and Harry would touch him too because he wanted it so badly.

So, they resumed their position, Harry’s legs not totally on the bed, Malfoy above him and their bodies rubbed against each other, making them moan together with so much shared pleasure.

Harry wrapped his hand again on Malfoy’s wet sex before Malfoy did the same on his and they went back and forth again, lascivious at the beginning, then stronger and longer. Their breath quickly became erratic and both knew they would come soon.

Malfoy kissed him one last time and Harry heard him come in his mouth, so he also came and continued to kiss him, even after.

And later, once their breathing calmed down, they would start again...


	10. Exploration

**_(Read while listening to "Busman’s Holyday", Allah-Las)_ **

****

**_Friday, December 11, 1998, 5:12 p.m., Hogsmeade, Three Broomsticks pub_ **

“Great drawing Dean! You think I can keep it?” Ron asked, impressed by his friend’s sketch.

“Yeah of course, I have many more!” Dean smiled, revealing his white teeth.

“Cool, thanks!” Ron said, turning the scroll to Harry to show him.

Harry, sitting in front of Ron, leaned forward to look at Dean’s sketch more closely.

The drawing depicted them, sitting at the Gryffindor’s table in the Great Hall, feasting for having won the cup of the four houses. Each of them smiled, they even seemed to sing on the drawing, their bodies swaying from left to right, while their lips moved in rhythm.

Dean represented very well the atmosphere at their table a few years ago. He had always been very good at capturing those good moments on paper. Dean had a gift for drawing, it was undeniable. Harry was almost jealous of how easily he transcribed emotions.

"It’s beautiful, Dean!" Harry said, impressed to the rightness of the features that represented them.

"Thanks Harry, I’ll make you another one if you want," Dean proposed, his smile widening.

“Yeah, gladly!” Harry nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, we got it, you’re good at drawing...” Seamus blew, holding his head in his hand, to his right.

“Don’t be jealous, Seam, you also have an outstanding talent when it comes to burning things!” Ron sneered, putting the sketch in the pocket of his winter coat.

“Ah, ah! Very funny Ron, hilarious!” Seamus scowled, dipping his nose into his ButterBeer.

“Stop pouting, Seam, you know very well you've made this weakness a force, now!” Dean added, to make his friend stop sulking like a kid in front of him.

Seamus nodded before smiling and regaining his good mood.

Dean and Seamus had come to spend Christmas holidays in England. Dean had gone to study the arts in Paris and Seamus lived in Romania to care for the Dragons alongside Charlie Weasley.

The small group had met in Hogsmeade to discuss and drink the delicious Madam Rosmerta’s ButterBeers.

It was always nice to meet old friends of Hogwarts and Dean and Seamus had been sharing their dormitory for six years.

“Hey guys!” a voice exclaimed behind Harry, who turned to smile.

"Hi Neville, come and settle down!" Harry replied, pushing himself a little to make room for him.

"Hey Neville! How are you, mate?" Dean added, bending over to give him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“Brilliant! You?” Neville smiled before ordering a drink.

“Great! It’s awesome to see you all back here!” Dean said, excited.

"Yeah, I miss Gryffindor’s common room sometimes," Seamus added, nostalgic.

“Me too…” Ron added, with a dreamy look.

Harry smiled. He was really happy to meet his friends for an afternoon, warming up in the witch pub.

The snow had fallen all night, covering the alleys with its white carpet, the cold wind blowing between the dead trees. He enjoyed these moments.

Three Broomsticks pub door’s opened with a little tinkling and let in a new group of students.

"Here, here, Malfoy and his gang," Dean noticed, staring at them.

Harry tensed up on his chair. He turned slightly to watch them settle down. In particular Malfoy who slowly removed his scarf to gently place it on the edge of the table before take off his gloves.

Harry stared at him for a few more moments before he felt the suspicious glance of Parkinson so he turned away to focus on his drink.

“I had almost forgotten that git” Seamus added, turning to stare at him.

"Still as well surrounded... He still has the annoying habit of pissing you off or he finally calmed down?" Dean asked, curious.

“Strangely, he’s no longer as exasperating as he was in Hogwarts, but he’s still very odd, even... quite uninhibited, right Harry?” Ron explained, turning his eyes to him.

Harry, who drinking his ButterBeer, almost choked on it. He coughed before taking a deep breath.

"Err... Yeah... strange, indeed..." he answered, clearing his throat, embarrassed.

He and Malfoy had been meeting almost every other night for almost a month now to satisfy their common desire to touch.

Because Harry had finally let his urges take over and allowed himself to dump them on Malfoy, whenever he needed it.

Yes, Harry was definitely physically attracted to Malfoy. More than that, he kept wanting him. It was as if his body claimed some as soon as he left him. Like a lack never satisfied, a desire never satisfied.

Malfoy gave him very special moments that he had never known before.

Harry discovered new ways of taking pleasure and he liked it, he liked what Malfoy showed him. And he wanted more.

Every time he came out of Malfoy’s dorm, he wanted to go right back. It never did that to him with Ginny. Besides, he didn’t do much with her anymore. He couldn’t touch her without visualizing Malfoy. Even kissing her became difficult. He always wanted her but not as often as before. Not after tasting Malfoy’s soft lips and skillful tongue. Not after his pleasure increased tenfold in Malfoy’s arms.

It was wrong, he knew it, it was abject to let go that way. But the more Malfoy touched him, the more he discovered new sensations.

Malfoy had become his drug, and he was taking more than enough. The very idea of knowing that he was so close to him electrified him far more than he would have liked.

In a chill, he turned his head again, holding his breath. Malfoy frowned as he listened to Parkinson’s talk. Harry saw him respond in a bad way before turning his eyes at him.

His features relaxed and he raised a taunting eyebrow before grin. Harry swallowed, turning his eyes to the wall, and putting them back on him. Malfoy always looked at him, but his smile was sweeter. Harry’s heart missed a beat without him really knowing why, and he blinked before shaking his head, shifting his focus to the discussion of his friends.

Ron looked at him and wrinkled his eyes but didn’t linger any longer. Ron was right, Malfoy had become weird with him. He smiled too much since they were studying here.

If Harry’s bad faith wasn’t so blinding, he’d think he was smiling more now that they were seeing each other.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “At Least I Have Nothing”, Saint Motel)_ **

"Hmh ..."

Harry closed his eyes, biting his lower lip so as not to moan louder.

“Yes... Just like that...”

“Yeah Potter? Is that how you like?” Malfoy repeated, masturbating him carefully.

“Yeah...hmh...” Harry groaned, under him, his fingers squeezing the bed sheets.

"Let go Harry, come for me, and go!" Malfoy ordered, accelerating his movements.

When he heard his first name, Harry opened big, confused eyes before feeling his back bow and come in a silent cry, his sperm squirting in Malfoy’s hand.

He lowered his head, blowing quickly, until he regained proper breathing before raising his eyes to Malfoy, who was looking at him, grinning.

Harry frowned.

This asshole had just called him by his first name and Harry, fucking idiot, had come right at that moment. He did not understand why, but something bothered him... Malfoy had never addressed him other than by his last name. Harry had never been so familiar and hearing Malfoy call him "Harry" had made him come faster.

“I wish, in the future, you wouldn’t say my first name again please” Harry said, embarrassed, fleeing Malfoy’s gaze.

“As you wish, _Potter_... After all, you’re only here to get emptied, aren’t you?” Malfoy jeered, losing his smile.

"Don’t say it like that," Harry winced, putting a hand on Malfoy’s white torso to keep him away and allow him to get up.

"So, what do you want me to call what we do?" Malfoy asked, in a dragging voice.

“An exchange of good ways. You want me, I want you and we help each other satisfy the other’s desire” Harry explained, casting a cleaning spell with his wand, before buttoning up his pants.

“I’m not a sexual object, Potter. I’m not here to please you at your will» Malfoy hissed, wrinkling his eyes.

“That’s not what I said, _you_ _too_ will get your kicks, Malfoy!” Harry assured, turning to him, slightly pushing him to fall on the bed.

“What if I don’t want to anymore?” Malfoy asked, lying on his back, leaning on his elbows, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

Harry grinned before stepping over his legs to sit on Malfoy’s thighs. He started unbuttoning Malfoy’s pants and his smile widens when he saw his already hard and wet sex.

“Obviously not tonight” Harry jeered, grabbing Malfoy’s cock full-handed and starting slow back and forth.

Malfoy moaned, throwing his head back, always looking at him.

“Where is the Saint Potter that I knew?” he blew.

“He’s not here tonight. Now shut up Malfoy and enjoy the moment, because I guarantee you’ll love it!” Harry sneered, bending over to kiss him, forcing him to shut up at the same time.

Malfoy groaned but made no objection.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"What’s wrong with you?" Ginny asked, looking serious.

“What do you mean?” Harry replied, frowning.

"Don’t messing with me, Harry, you know exactly what I mean" she hissed.

“But what are you talking about?” Harry insisted, annoyed.

“I’m talking about the fact that you hardly touch me anymore, or that you are barely present in moments of intimacy, that’s what I’m talking about!” Ginny taunted, pissed.

Harry sighed. He expected Ginny to do this to him as soon as he saw her. She had waited for him after his last class of the day and had intimately asked him to follow her to her dormitory to talk to him. He would have done the same if he had been in his place.

More than two weeks he was distant with her. Even when they were together, he didn’t seem as attracted to her as he used to be. Her desire to be with her had diminished somewhat and she had obviously felt it.

“I’m sorry Ginny, I’m just tired and I didn’t notice that I was so distant...” he explained, clumsily.

"And you think this explanation will suffice for me?" she hissed, looking down on him.

"Stop that, I’m just exhausted from magic training," Harry winced, condescended.

“Don’t fuck with me, Ron is in the same class as you and he doesn’t seem so distant with Hermione! What the fuck is the problem? Is that me?” Ginny shouted.

“Don’t say anything, you know I love you,” Harry sighed, reaching out to her with his hand and stroking his cheek.

“Yeah, well, I’m not really sure about that” she blew, backing away, thus avoiding the hand of Harry to land on her.

Harry frowned. He fucking screwed up... If Ginny’s eyes threw lightning, the moisture he saw shining there was in no way due to anger.

“Ginny... I’m really sorry, I didn’t realize, I never wanted to hurt you...” Harry said, who felt his heart tighten in the face of Ginny’s bruised look.

Ginny closed her eyes taking a deep breath. Harry took the opportunity to get closer to her and held her tight. She circled his waist and he stroked her hair to relax her.

She smelled good, a totally different smell from Malfoy.

Ginny had the smell of flowers, Malfoy smelled fresh with a touch of acidity with sweet notes.

Harry liked to smell them both. And he cursed himself for it. He didn’t want to think about it. Not when he had Ginny in his arms. So, he slowly backed away without taking off their bodies, putting a strand of red hair behind her ear and smiling before gently kissing her.

Ginny eagerly replied to the kiss, almost immediately wrapping their tongues to accentuate it. She was already lifting his t-shirt to go further and Harry agreed to let her.

After all, he also wanted to, but he had to comfort her.

Harry felt that his desire was not the same as his desire for Malfoy, but he really loved Ginny. And there she needed him. Needed him to show her it was true. So, he let her undress him and put his lips all over him.

The sensations were not the same but they were pleasant and the more Ginny touched him, the more his desire grew. There was always Malfoy with him, in a corner of his head and maybe that played too. Maybe that, too, contributed to his screams when Ginny touched him.

Harry took what she offered him, encouraging her to continue, touching her too so that she could feel his desire even if it were not the same...

It would never be the same...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Get It On”, Fischerspooner)_ **

Magic was slowly grew into him. Harry could feel it through every pore of his skin. It radiated from him now, shivering through his body, rising up to his spine, making iridescent hairs from his arms..

Harry opened his eyes and put his hand in front of the candlestick on the table in front of him.

The other students around him were all focused on doing the same, depending on the specialty they had chosen.

Harry focused the strongest he could, the magic he felt vibrating in him, to direct it to his hand.

It was powerful and didn’t seem to want to be so easily tamed. Harry grabbed his arm with his other hand to keep him from shaking and give him some stability. The magical flux appeared between his fingers, still weak though, but well present in his palm.

Harry made a slight movement of his hand toward the candlestick, which cooled immediately, but did not freeze. A light powder fell on it as his magic reduced in the palm of his hand.

Harry resisted and drew deep down, to bring out his magic even more. The soft blue light between his fingers intensified and crystals formed around the candlestick, replacing the powder that had settled there.

Harry knew he wouldn’t last much longer. His arm was now trembling between his holding hand, preventing him from falling under the weight of magic emanating from it.

The candlestick was almost completely covered in ice now. The blue light was losing intensity, its grip would no longer be enough to keep its arm in place for a long time.

Harry was sweating, his breathing was getting more and more complicated to deal with.

In one last effort, he drew the last remnants of magic that he had in him and directed it to the object. The last inches, still intact, were covered with light ice and the light went out.

He released his arm, painful efforts undertaken. Harry breathed for a long time, his breath being lost on the candlestick to create a little mist. He had partially succeeded. The ice was still too thin, but the candlestick was completely frozen.

Harry turned his head, looking for Ron among the students of the class. He had only created tiny flames all over the canvas stretched out in front of him, but seemed quite satisfied with his efforts for today as he smiled at him.

The practice classes were becoming more and more complicated, their magic was being put to the test and they were completely exhausted coming out of class. After each elementary magic class, he and Ron threw themselves at the food, seeking to fill the abyss that was taking hold of them.

The lack of magic created a gaping hole, difficult to replace. Even after a good meal, it was not enough and only a restful sleep would cure this lack of energy.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Next time we’ll try to get on the bed," said Malfoy’s dragging voice against his ear.

Harry took a deep breath before slowly detaching himself from him.

Malfoy was sitting on his desk, his pants undone, his sex stained with his own sperm, his eyes still darkened by the pleasure that Harry had just given him.

"Sorry, I didn’t really think about the exact spot where I would wank you, on the way here" Harry added, ironically.

“It’s not as if the question is on your mind every time you come…” Malfoy sighed, casting himself a cleaning spell before getting dressed.

"It never seemed to bother you," Harry jeered, beginning to open the button on his pants.

“May I know what you’re doing?” Malfoy asked, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

“What, it’s not clear enough? You got what you wanted, it’s my turn now” Harry incited, opening his zipper.

“Oh! And who said that?” Malfoy added, raising higher his eyebrow which disappeared behind a blonde strand on his forehead.

Harry frowned.

“We were never going to say anything. This is the fair return of things, Malfoy, I have done to you what you wanted, in my turn to enjoy it” he replied, sitting on Malfoy’s bed.

“I’m not sure you understand… I don’t have to return the favor if I don’t want to, Potter" hissed Malfoy, looking down on him.

“It suits you to say that when I just emptied your balls. I still have the sticky hand of your sperm” Harry sneered, rubbing his fingers.

“Charming, Potter…Really…but that doesn’t give you the right to force me to wank you” Malfoy insisted.

“I never forced you to do anything about me. You were the first to tease me” Harry said, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Correction, it was _you_ who snogged me the first time” Malfoy said, wrinkling his eyes.

“Yes, but it was _you_ who kept looking for me and it was _you_ again who pushed me to come here” Harry added, clenching his teeth.

“I never forced you to bring your ass back here, Potter, you did this on your own” Malfoy said, leaning on his desk.

“Well, what’s the problem? You’re going to keep pissing me off or are you going to take care of my cock?” Harry shouted.

Malfoy didn’t move, still looking down on him, obviously not determined to take care of his erection which was beginning to hurt him.

"I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sick of it" he simply replied.

“Sorry? Are you kidding me? That’s not what you were yelling a few minutes ago while I was wanking you!” Harry shouted, suddenly getting up.

“Guess that was enough for me to get bored, then” Malfoy added, in a dragging tone.

Harry opened wide his eyes. He was kidding him, right? This fucking bastard had just come in his hand moaning like a desperate man, and now he denigrated the moment as if he had not appreciated it.

“You won’t make me believe that you didn’t like it, Malfoy, so tell me instead why you decided to piss me off tonight?” Harry hissed, getting close to him.

"I’m tired of being a stress reliever to the _fucking_ Savior! You show up whenever you want and the rest of the time I don’t exist. I’m not a _fucking_ experiment, Potter!” Malfoy shouted, wrinkling his eyes.

“Stop acting like you’re a victim in the story, you want it as much as I do!” Harry spit out, clenching his fists, his face just a few inches from Malfoy.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been extremely patient with you, and I’m tired of having to stop at the limit of what you’ve imposed” Malfoy jeered, staring at him with his grey eyes.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, wrinkling his eyes.

“I'm talking about the fact that there are only simple touching between us Potter and that my cravings go beyond a simple wank that a novice like you is only good at satisfying” Malfoy hissed, with contempt.

Harry opened wide his eyes.

He knew that Malfoy had been very patient with him, he had felt it as he touched him without ever going further in his own actions. He did not however think that Malfoy wanted more.

The truth was, he never really thought about it. Harry had Ginny and he slept with her. He never even considered doing it with Malfoy. For him, his relationship with Malfoy was simply to satisfy his desire and the way he did it, perfectly suited him.

Harry had never wanted to go any further and he had obviously forgotten his rival in the equation.

“I … I can’t, I’m with Ginny, I can’t do this to her” Harry babbled.

"Well, then, we’ll stop there, Potter, either you take it and you cross the line, or you leave" Malfoy replied, in a deep tone.

“Well, then I’m leaving, Malfoy, since obviously the mere fact that I don’t spread my thighs, bothers you so much.” Harry spit out, buttoning his pants with rage and putting on his coat to face the cold.

"Do that, yes, go find your _precious Ginny_ and don’t you dare come back! Anyway, I’d be too busy “spreading my thighs” to welcome you if you ever decide to take responsibility for the facts!” Malfoy hissed, a deep contempt in the voice.

Harry glanced at him, clenching his fists, resisting the burning urge to hit Malfoy’s asshole’s fucking face and opened the door of the dormitory which he took care to slam behind him.


	11. Disillusion

**_(Read while listening to “Ashes The Rain And I/White Summer” by James Gang)_ **

****

**_Thursday, December 24, 1998, 8:42 p.m., Ottery St Catchpole, “The Burrow”_ **

“Will you have some more roast, Harry dear?” asked Mrs. Weasley, holding a well-filled ladle in his direction.

And before he could even refuse, she grabbed his plate and served it to the brim, adding more sauce than needed, thus drowning his dish.

Harry thanked her graciously, taking back his plate, in front of Ron’s sneer, who tried not to burst out laughing.

“You too, Ron, you have to eat! You don’t eat enough, look how skinny you are!” noticed Molly, to her son.

It was Harry’s turn to hold his laugh in front of his best friend’s begging eyes while his mother served him a ladle as big as hers.

Christmas holidays had begun and the whole family had found themselves at “the Burrow” for Christmas Eve.

As usual, Molly Weasley had put on a first-rate-meal to welcome them to their table, Hermione and him. They were always welcomed as princes in this lovely family.

Bill and Fleur were there too, as were Percy and the so-called Audrey, who had recently shared his life. Charlie couldn’t have been one of them that night, but would join them the next day at noon.

This evening was welcome, Harry needed to clear his head after the last exchange with Malfoy.

The vacation would allow him to forget him a little while he stayed with his adopted family for a few days before returning to campus.

He needed time to process their last face-to-face.

He was going to be able to focus on Ginny now. He would have her with him for five days, and he would try to re-establish their relationship the way it was before Malfoy got into it.

Harry couldn’t help but feel a certain discomfort towards Ginny. If she knew what he had dared to do for nearly three weeks with Malfoy, when she thought he was so faithful, so kind, so “Harry”…

He was genuinely uncomfortable touching her, even after he and Malfoy stopped seeing each other.

Harry, of course, never intended to repeat what he had done with Malfoy. They had parted in the middle of one of their many - _too many_ \- dates, just after Harry wanked him. Malfoy had refused to return the favor because he was tired of never going any further.

Harry, who until then had never thought of going beyond the stage of touching him, was surprised by this twist.

More than a month since he had this clandestine relationship in the eyes of all his friends. Harry had been blinded by how he felt about Malfoy and allowed himself to be swept away by his urges and desires, without ever thinking of the consequences of his actions.

He knew it was wrong, but his desire had been too strong for him to control. To be frank, he had very quickly stopped trying to get the upper hand, to the detriment of his relationship with Ginny. Now that all was over with Malfoy, he was cruelly aware of all the harm he had done to her by neglecting her for Malfoy.

He had not been an exemplary boyfriend for the past few weeks, but Harry was determined to fix it, now that everything was back to normal on his side.

Ginny was sitting next to him, tighter than necessary, one of her hands, lying chastely on his thigh.

The meal took place in a good mood in the company of the entire Weasley family, except for Fred, who had been sorely lacking since last year. George looked good, but no one was fooled, the twin was not really the same without his half of himself. Harry expressed deep empathy for him and the rest of the family. Losing a member as charismatic as Fred made meals a lot less fun.

However, everyone seemed very happy to be together and he too was delighted to share this moment with his family.

Mrs. Weasley was bringing dessert, a large cream cake, which she had specially invented for the occasion. Harry used a generous portion of it and enjoyed it.

As he swallowed the last spoon of whipped cream, Harry felt Ginny’s hand move on his thigh, moving slowly inward and he hurried to tighten his legs to prevent it from going any further. Harry turned his head towards her, and she glared at him. She wanted him, and obviously she wanted him now.

Harry swallowed in front of so much zeal while they were at the table in the presence of her brothers and parents, he probably had forsaken Ginny too long for her to react in this way.

Later that evening, he went up to his room quietly, belly full of Molly’s feast, when Ginny caught him on the stairs to take him to her room before locking it.

She turned to face him, her orange eyes peering at his, looking for the same burning desire that he read in her. Harry didn’t really know if he wanted to, but he let her take the lead, too stunned by his infatuation.

Ginny got closer quickly before fiercely putting her lips on his, in a feverish kiss that was not really one for him. Ginny’s tongue made its way into his mouth, wrapping hers to accentuate the kiss, promising that the sequel would be particularly wild.

Harry answered, almost mechanically, his desire was present, but not pressing enough for his taste. He had been much more excited every time Malfoy had grabbed his lips during their chance encounters. Maybe he just ate too much tonight, which would explain why he had trouble following her.

Ginny made them fall on his bed, his hands roaming Harry’s body looking for of more sensations.

Harry laid his owns on her, scouring her feminine forms, appreciating them, but the passion was not the same as when his fingers stroked Malfoy’s soft skin.

To his great astonishment, he heard himself moaning, thinking of the sensation he felt when his hands ran through Malfoy’s skin.

Harry contracted discomfort in the arms of Ginny, who took this reaction for extra desire and lowered one of his hands to put it on Harry’s crotch. He gave a little cry of surprise before moaning when she began to caress him.

It was good, but nothing sensational, nothing like what Malfoy would have done if he had taken care of his erection. With him, Harry’s head would have already gone back, his eyes would have difficulty remaining open and his breath would be more erratic than ever under his touch.

Harry felt that the sensations were not the same, he appreciated what Ginny was doing to him, but everything was almost bland compared to what Malfoy was getting him.

He was missing something in Ginny’s movements, something that would make him lose his mind. This feeling of exploding inwardly into a thousand pieces to reshape all at once.

Ginny accelerated her movements on his cock while foraging her other hand in his undisciplined hair, always tasting his mouth in an indecent way that nevertheless did not make him vibrate as he would have liked.

Harry’s hands were asking for more, scouring the body of the young woman more deeply, looking for the little extra that would make him take off as he had gotten used to doing in Malfoy’s arms. Always trying to reach over and over that moment where his mind would go out and his body would do everything else.

But Harry was far too aware of what was going on. He was far too present in his exchange with Ginny. Nothing seemed to want to disconnect him until that made him come, to have so much pain it was good, to be afraid of it.

It was good, it was hot, but too little to his liking. Harry’s moves became more impatient, always wanting more, wanting Malfoy...

Harry’s heart beat faster when he realized it was Malfoy he was looking for in Ginny and he wanted to stop everything. Finish everything so she doesn’t get hurt. But Ginny took his gestures for wanting to go further with her and began unbuttoning Harry’s pants, her hand slowly sinking into his boxers.

Harry moaned but no pleasure, because fear had taken over his desire. He wanted to stop her, but how to make her understand without hurting her? He moved his hand to place it on his wrist, preparing to lift it to remove it from his erection when a thud made them both jump.

The kiss stopped and they turned their heads towards the door where someone had just knocked.

“Ginny, Mom asks for your help downstairs, I hear you’re doing dishes.” Ron’s voice sneered, behind the door.

Ginny swearing and laid his eyes on Harry, to kiss him one last time before getting up with a sigh and putting on his clothes properly.

"All right, Ron, tell her I’m coming" she replied, in a sad voice.

Harry took the opportunity to quickly put his clothes back on and rose from bed, his heart beating with his own revelation.

“You can stay here if you want. I won’t be long” Ginny said, smiling.

“Thank you, but I think I’m going to bed, I’ve eaten too much,” Harry replied, falsely contrite.

Ginny shrugged her shoulders.

"As you wish" she sighed, with a look of disappointment.

Then she went to the door and opened it, Ron was already gone. She turned her head slightly, a little smile on her lips.

"Good night, Harry" she blew, turning down the hallway, leaving the door open.

Harry remained frozen for a moment, looking at the door, overlooking the landing where the second staircase that ascended to the second floor would lead him to his room.

He was still lost, but strangely grateful to his best friend, for shortening his time with Ginny.

He closed his eyes and realized that Malfoy had not left his thoughts while touching her. Harry contracted his jaws to the done deal. He had sought Malfoy in the young woman, he had wanted her to be… _him_.

Malfoy, though far away now, did not seem to want to let him go…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Make It” Mypet)_ **

The cold winter air blew in his face, drawing the lines of his skin every gust. However, neither the cold nor the snow that fell by large flakes would spoil this moment when he felt soothed and at the same time so energized.

Harry flew, on the broom that had belonged to Fred, and his heart, in spite of a little bit of pain at the thought of the deceased twin, filled with joy.

It’s been so long since he climbed up on a broom… More after the unfortunate accident of his 17th year… He no longer wanted to fly, because he no longer had a broom, but also for what that night represented.

The one where he lost Hedwig, the one where a memory of Sirius was taken from him…

So when Ron came up with the idea of going out to get some fresh air, they had first been in the Burrow’s garden to start a snowball battle, under the amused gazes of Hermione and Ginny, in front of their childishness.

Then George and Bill had followed them, the twin had pulled the brooms out of the storeroom asking them if they were brave enough to fly in this weather. And Ron immediately accepted, grabbing the brooms of his hands and handing one over to Harry.

Harry had at first hesitated, still a little on the reserve when it came to getting back on a broom, then nodded and grabbed the broomstick, which he had placed between his legs, his heart beating with apprehension.

Would he manage to fly after that terrible night? Were his reflexes not withered?

And all his questions had then flown away with him when he had pushed his foot to take off from the ground and felt the speed carry him away in an electrifying discharge.

How could he have waited so long to climb back up?

The feeling that he felt in the air was so pleasant, all his worries seemed to have left him for a moment and only happiness took place in his heart and head as he flitted, the snow falling around him.

Ron to the right, laughed brightly, snaking the air, leaning on his broomstick, pushing a little to overtake him.

Harry grinned, leaned forward and accelerated as well, starting a friendly race with his best friend. He felt a draught to his left, Ginny had caught up with them, her hair blazing, flying behind her.

She gave him an amused gaze while she pressed a little more on his broomstick, overtake him a little.

Ginny had really become strong at this sport, Harry could only see it, seeing her start Quidditch moves to impress him. He smiled at her and lay completely on his broomstick to lose her in a sudden acceleration, taking him very far.

Harry barely heard Ginny’s exclamations behind his back, the speed of the wind blowing through his ears as he moved forward. He was alone now, neither Ron nor Ginny had been able to follow him.

Harry slowed down a bit to give them time to join him, Ginny, falsely outraged, caught up with him very quickly and got close to him until to stuck him. Ron, on the other hand, struggled to reach their heights, being much better in front of a goal than in the air.

Harry broke away from Ginny and hurtled towards the ground, and pulled out of the dive just before hitting it and then went straight, like the Wronski Feint.

He sighed and a little laugh escaped from his lips under the effect of well-being that he felt at that moment.

Flying had always been a pleasure since he was eleven. Harry had always been good at this sport, a gift directly inherited from his father and he was particularly proud of it. He would never again forbid himself to climb up on a broom, the need was too present in his guts to ignore it, because it was in his genes, in his blood.

Whatever had happened, he had now overcome his fear and felt alive before so many sensations. Harry took advantage of the well-being effect of a simple broom, forgetting the latest events, forgetting the discomfort since his last night with Ginny.

Even Malfoy was not admitted during this long-awaited moment of freedom.

Harry’s spirit was freeing up, and if he hadn’t been forced to go home, because Mrs. Weasley was starting to scold them, he would have stayed a long time, maybe all afternoon, just to stop thinking, keep forgetting…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

“Holidays are way too short...” Ron blew, collapsing on the table of the diner hall of the campus, his head in his arms.

Christmas holidays were over and the classes had resumed nicely, for the greatest pain of Harry who had to bear again the presence of Malfoy in front of him.

He had continued to sit at the table in front of their own but no longer sent him any enticing smile.

Harry, who had grown accustomed to seeing him look at him, felt a lack pass through him, for a brief moment, before concentrating on his dish, listening to Ron sigh again.

“Do you realize that every day we have them in front of us? To believe that they do it on purpose” He growled, wincing.

“I don’t think so, Ron. It’s true they’re often placed here, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something behind it” Hermione sighed, annoyed.

“Oh yeah? Don’t you think it’s strange that at every meal we stuffed Malfoy’s face and his asshole friends? They can’t go and eat any further?” Ron jeered, wrinkling.

“It’s true, that now that you say it, they regularly sit at this table” Ginny noticed, glaring them.

"Yeah! Since I tell you that they do it to piss us off, I'm convinced!" Ron claimed, with a big gesture of the hand.

“Ron, don’t be ridiculous! Have they ever chastised you since they’ve been here?” Hermione asked, seriously.

Ron seemed to think for a moment before retaliating.

“No, but it’s their mere presence that bothers me. Already that in Hogwarts we supported them, I don’t want it to happen again. And then Malfoy is so weird lately, look at him, he doesn’t look anymore like that arrogant little prick he was, it seems like he’s impersonating someone else”

“He may have really changed,” Hermione insinuated, shrugging his shoulders.

“As if it could erase his past mistakes…” Ron sneered, shaking his head.

“I think we have to leave the past behind, if you want my opinion, let him move on its own, you can’t blame him because he’s trying to make up for his mistakes.” Hermione sighted.

“It doesn’t change the fact that it’s Malfoy, Hermione, and whatever he’s trying to do, he’s still the son of a Death eater and a Death eater himself.” Ron jeered.

“What you can be stubborn, Ronald, you’d better focus on your studies instead of blaming the people around you.” Hermione hissed, exceeded.

Ron was about to retaliate when Ginny stopped him.

“Ron, shut up, will you? Hermione is right, let them do their life on their side, especially Malfoy, as long as he has done nothing to you, there is no point in looking for him” She shouted, staring at the ex-Slytherins.

“I agree with Ron, Malfoy remains a Death Eater, even if he tries to improve his image as you say, Hermione, I don’t forget what he is and what he did” Harry added, in a deep voice.

“Oh you two are pissing me off, I’d rather go study my next class than hear you get mad at them again” Hermione sighed, grabbing his tray and rising to head for the exit.

“I’m following you too, I’m tired of hearing your fucking bullshit” Ginny added, glaring to them before catching up Hermione.

“Girls… Always looking for good where there is none...” Ron sighed, shaking his head with spite.

Harry nodded in silence, his eyes fixed on Malfoy who, not once, deigned to turn his head to face him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Cloud” Fischerspooner)_ **

Two days had passed since school resumed and Harry felt the anger creeping over him every time he saw Malfoy on campus.

Malfoy had distanced himself since they had agreed that Harry would not spread his thighs for his asshole face and Harry did not think that this situation would hurt his composure.

Harry had foolishly thought that stopping everything with Malfoy was going to be beneficial on his side because he could focus on himself and his relationship with Ginny.

But the failure had been gruelling on his last night traded with her. Since New Year’s Eve, he had not renewed the experience, lest his desire for Ginny be marred by the one he felt for Malfoy.

Harry was frustrated and angry at himself for having felt the urge to replace his girlfriend with Malfoy for a moment of intimacy with her. Anger that grew stronger as he saw Malfoy evolve around him.

His blood bubbled in his veins as Malfoy seemed closer than ever to a young man sitting beside him. Young man whom he identified as Noah the other night, his hand casually resting on Malfoy’s thigh which seemed to listen to him without much interest.

Harry wrinkled his eyes at Noah’s tender gestures toward Malfoy, feeling a wave, he didn’t know what, invading him whole, forcing him to clench his teeth to contain himself. Malfoy slowly turned his head towards Harry, seeming to notice his presence, the first time he had laid eyes on him since the return of the holidays.

His gaze was almost indifferent, as if Harry were nothing to him, as if they had never seen each other before, as if their past were not common. Harry blinked, stunned by so much detachment, at the lack of interest he read in that bloody glance.

Malfoy once again focused all his attention on Noah, totally disinterested in Harry, who opened wide his eyes before sighing with contempt.

Seriously? After everything they’ve done in the past few weeks, there was no one left for Malfoy? Harry had let himself be touched by him, had cheated on Ginny for him, certainly, because his desire was too strong, but from there to no longer exist in Malfoy’s eyes, it was fucking bullshit!

Harry stood up, taking upon himself, but did not fail to push Malfoy and his friend in his path when he reached their height, without bothering to apologize.

It was childish, he knew it, but it was all he could do without risking drawing more attention to him by hitting Malfoy the way he wanted.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Later, Harry came out of one of his classes with Ron, walking down the aisles of the campus towards their dorm.

They were in the middle of discussing how they could use Fire-Making spell to their advantage, when Harry again crossed Malfoy’s path, also heading his dormitory in a hurry.

Harry frowned, noticing that he was not alone. A young man was following him closely, grabbing his hand in his run and shoving it in his, pulling him towards him to grab him in his arms.

Harry quickly turned his gaze away, feeling a spike of pain through his stomach. His jaw contracted, preventing him from swallowing his saliva properly, his hands forming fists as he moved forward in with Ron.

“Honestly, don’t you think he could do that somewhere else?” Ron exclaimed, in disgust as he reached their height.

Harry did not even bother to look again, feeling his stomach contracting painfully.

“That fucking ferret never knew how to do anything but make a show of himself, especially if it’s in his interest, he goes all the way” Harry spit out loud, enough for Malfoy to hear before he overtakes them.

“Like you say, his new hobby is obviously to disgust anyone who sees him snogging to these guys…” Ron winced.

Harry closed his eyes briefly, feeling his heart beat faster at the thought that he too had particularly snogged Malfoy not long ago and that he had very quickly replaced him.

He furiously opened the door leading to their dormitory making it meet the wall and bump into it with a thud before entering the building, forgetting for a moment, Ron behind him.

Harry never saw Ron’s gaze resting strangely on him before turning around to stare at Malfoy and look down as if he had realized something was up.

Instead, Harry went up the stairs, opened the door of his room just as abruptly and threw himself on his bed, clutching his pillow in his hands, making his knuckles bleach. He smothered a hoarse growl against the pillow on his face as his breathing became more complicated.

Footsteps on the stairs forced him to calm down, feeling Ron ready to join him in their room. Harry quickly got up from his bed, taking his belongings and towel and heading into the bathroom.

When Ron opened the door, Harry passed in front of him, sketching a friendly smile, taking the way to the showers in order to relax and calm the fury that slowly seized him.

Harry was not fooled, he had already felt that feeling in his life. He never thought he’d feel _that_ about Malfoy… Only Cho and Ginny brought that feeling to him a few years ago when he saw them on other guys' arms.

Entering the shower, slowly running the water over him, Harry chuckled nervously, slowly losing his mind thinking of Malfoy spending a lovemaking night in the arms of his lover. Tears of anger rose up in his eyes, his hands grasping his hair, the fear rising up in his throat to understand what Malfoy gave birth into him.

The lack had given way to a new feeling that he never thought he would feel now that Ginny was with him. The feeling of abandonment had been eagerly devoured by lust, thus emerging a real resentment towards anyone getting closer to Malfoy.

Dropping his hair, his arms down his body, Harry stuck the back of his skull against the cold tile of the shower, resigned by what his heart proved to him.

He thought he’d come back to a normal life after kindly recalling Malfoy and his explicit need to go further. He had foolishly allowed himself to be consumed by jealousy, seeing Malfoy so coveted by the various young men circling him.

He made the mistake of letting go of that primitive feeling for his _fucking_ ex-enemy.

Yes, Malfoy had also made him jealous…

And it was knowing that, that Harry closed his eyes, letting the water run, until he became cold, too exhausted to stop it...


	12. Rivalry

**_(Read while listening to “Strut” Fischerspooner)_ **

**_Friday, January 8, 1999, 10:46 a.m., Elementary Magic Classroom, Wizard Academy_ **

Harry struggled to concentrate on the magical flow that he felt seething in him with a greater impulse than he would have wished…

The trinket placed on his classroom table seemed to taunt him more than usual, almost exhausting his nerves already fried with too strong a sensitivity.

His emotions were particularly heightened today and Harry knew who was behind it.

He awoke in a mood to make pale anyone who crossed his path in the vast corridors of the university.

Harry had tried to swallow every trace of this vile and primitive feeling which his head had then made germinate into him in recent days, without ever being able to achieve it…

The more he thought of the scene of the day before when Malfoy, in the company of Noah, had stared at him with an empty gaze as if Harry had been non-existent, the more the burn had intensified over the hours.

He closed his eyes, clenching his fists to this painful memory, before reopening them to sting them on the object that he was to completely freeze before the end of the course.

He reached out his hand to the small beige notebook, the cover of which was dotted with golden arabesques, he took a deep breath and exhaled his magic, giving a glimpse of a light blue light in the hollow of his palm.

This one was particularly clear, a little too bright, it should have been dark blue but Harry’s magic was half consumed by his jealousy. Almost entirely tainted by this bullshit of emotion from which he was desperately unable to detach himself.

He forced again, freeing a little of the flow that he felt trembling in him. He repressed a chill, feeling tingling through the pores of his skin, rising up in his arm, to reach his outstretched hand.

The light suddenly intensified, leaving a powder worthy of the firmaments escaping from his palm. The glimmer flew up to the notebook, sprinkled it with a small white carpet, but not enough to completely glaze it.

Harry felt his body stagger under the pressure of the spell, his eyelids flapping frantically to prevent his sight from blurring.

A memory of the day before suddenly came to his mind. Malfoy walking towards him without seeing him, before a young man grabs his arm to turn him in front of him and make him disappear from Harry’s field of vision. Harry, who had not seen the scene, left his mind spinning, imagining the sequel with frightening sharpness.

In his head, he saw the stranger with Noah’s face, stroking Malfoy’s cheek, before coming forward to seal their lips with a feverish kiss. A veil passed before his eyes, when his imagination went further, feigning a groan of Malfoy at this contact, making his fingers tremble with hatred.

His breath pounded against his chest, while the image of Malfoy playing his tongue with Noah was painted before his eyes, diffused by his sick mind. The light in his hand lost its color to be almost transparent, seeming to blink at times, like a light bulb about to give up the ghost.

His magic lost its flow, lost its strength, Harry lost his gift while his imagination drove him mad. The tears of anger rose up in his eyes, feeling his power leaving his body, the light in the hollow of his hand fading away. The dizziness took place, blurring the vision of Malfoy and Noah in his mind.

Harry’s head turned dangerously, carrying his body with her, forcing him to hang on to the office in front of him, to support himself and prevent him from falling. His hands touching the small notebook, now wet, the fine snow having melted almost immediately after his magic stopped.

Harry breathed heavily while a nascent headache, turning his head a little more, making him nauseous. He beat eyelids, a few red drops fell on the beige notebook, impregnating it with more colored liquid this time.

Harry watched one of the drops fall, crashing in a round circle on the back of his hand before figure it out where they came from. He raised his hand intact and passed it under his nose, collecting the dark liquid from which he seemed to soak, thus awakening his mellow spirit.

Harry frowned, seeing the effect of his delusion.

Manipulating elementary spells required high concentration. If the mind accidentally ventured too far from its goal, it was easy to lose control and pay the consequences. Harry had just discovered it to his dismay.

And it was all Malfoy’s fault.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

“Really... You could be more careful next time!” Hermione hissed.

“As if I did it on purpose!” Harry took offence, a handkerchief under his nose, his head slightly forward.

Blood hadn’t stopped flowing since he left class. Only a few drops escaped, but enough to press the tissue against his nostrils to absorb it.

“Anyway, it was impressive! You got very pale all of a sudden and you looked completely different. I could still feel your magic crackling around you! It was amazing!” Ron exclaimed, smiling.

“Ron! Harry almost lost control of his magic! It’s not _amazing_ , it’s stupid!” Hermione shouted, glaring at him.

“Don’t overdo it, Mione, I just overdid it this time, that’s all” Harry added, shrugging his shoulders.

“That’s because you weren’t fully focused on your task!” Hermione hissed, looking furious.

“Mione, it’s complicated magic, I had a terrible headache after me too, you know, it’s not easy to handle” Ron explained, trying to calm down his girlfriend.

“Maybe, but you're not pissing blood from your nose! You stopped at the right time and Harry, I’d like you to do the same, next class!” Hermione insisted.

“Yeah, yeah... I’ll be more careful. It won’t happen again, I promise” Harry assured, raising his eyes to heaven.

Ginny sat by his side, smirked.

“Well, I hope for you, because otherwise I would put you in the same state with my fist!”

Harry sneered at the threat of his girlfriend, before losing his smile when his green eyes met two gray pearls, as cold as the wind blowing around.

Malfoy was a few meters away, surrounded by his friends, a cigarette between his fingers. He looking down on him, in a most neutral expression, before turning his gaze to put it on Parkinson who had called him.

Harry squeezed his teeth, the muscles of his jaw contracting into this brief exchange which once again showed Malfoy’s total disinterest in himself. Harry found it very difficult to bear Malfoy’s gaze upon him. It was the second time since the day before that he crossed his grey orbs devoid of all emotions against him.

Harry, on the other hand, exploded inwardly and see Malfoy so inexpressive as to drive him crazy. It was worse than the period when he totally blacked out Harry and acted like he didn’t exist anymore. There, he _does existed_ , but nothing in Harry seemed to attract Malfoy’s attention to linger on him.

That was offensive. Also weary, because if Malfoy no longer had as much interest in him as before, Harry felt the one who felt him for Malfoy, multiplying tenfold with the passing of days.

It was worse the day before. Malfoy crossed his mind even during his classes, causing him to lose control of his magic, thus endangering his physical and mental health.

Harry looked away, wincing, crossing Hermione’s suspicious gaze, which wrinkled her eyes, turning her head in the direction of his torment and frowning.

She seemed to be thinking for a while. Harry had no trouble imagining the connectors of her brain assembling ideas, scrolling them in front of her, looking for the one that would make the most sense to her. Then saw her go back to reading her book on the table, without any glance for him.

Harry was relieved without really knowing why. He felt Ginny’s hand pass through his hair and sighed of well-being on contact with the warmth of her fingers when she put them on his forehead.

He had not taken another step towards her, but she had not begged. Harry was extremely grateful to her, knowing that he was not in a position to pretend, Malfoy being much too entrenched in his head for the moment.

He closed his eyes, taking advantage of his girlfriend’s warm hand, seeming to appease somewhat the rancor that had been burning him since yesterday.

Not erasing, however, the images of Malfoy flashing under his eyelids.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Never Win” Fischerspooner)_ **

An atmosphere of madness was hovering in the air, under the shouts and cheers of the students seated in the stands where he, Ron and Hermione were recently installed.

The second friendly game of the season was tonight and Ginny’s team had trained hard to face their new opponents.

They had come to encourage her, as well as good numbers of students of the university, Quidditch gathering, as always, the different factions.

By the time of Hogwarts, all the students were there to watch a game, mixing up all the houses, regardless of which one was fighting.

Here, it was no different. When the teams entered the field, everyone cheered them wholeheartedly, clapping their hands and feet.

Harry loved the excitement in the stands during a game, the adrenaline ignited his body, rising up to his spine, making him shudder with pleasure.

The good mood seemed to invigorate him, thus dispelling all his resentments that he had been dragging since the night before because of bloody Malfoy.

His eyes sparkled when the whistle sounded, prompting the teams to begin.

Harry focused on Ginny, spinning in the air under the dark late afternoon sky. The days had been terribly shortened in this month of January, revealing the moon before the end of the day.

A few stars began to appear, slowly illuminating the clear sky, making the show even more beautiful before their eyes.

Chasers took the Quaffle without restraint, skillfully dodging Bludgers that Beaters sent them.

Ginny and the other Seeker stood high above the players looking for the Snitch, the first to catch it, thus allowing their team to win the game.

Harry diligently followed the players' actions, gradually forgetting Malfoy and his jealousy towards anyone who snog him.

Ginny’s team scored a first goal, raising and shouting several students in the stands, he and his friends too. The opposing team equalized just after, however, making him grunt.

The game was tight, both teams were very good and no one seemed to want to give the other a chance to win. The goals were tied from opponent to opponent, the gap being equal for each.

Ron was nervous by his side, commenting on every movement he found impressive, a hilarious smile stretching his lips. Hermione also seemed to concentrate on the match that was taking place in front of them, watching the darkness slowly falling.

Harry shouted again when Ginny’s team scored a new try, clapping his hands, his eyes traveling through the stands. His gaze abruptly ends his run on the grass, in a small recess of the field.

His heart missed a beat, his breath jammed in his lungs when he fell on Noah, a few inches from Malfoy all the way down.

Noah slowly approached Malfoy, who took a step back. But Noah grabbed him by the neck and brought him back to him, thus sticking his body to his own, his forehead pressed against that of Malfoy.

Harry tensed up, waiting for the sequel, hoping it never came.

But that was not counting the hard work of Noah a few meters under him, who leaned his head to the side, ravishing Malfoy’s lips in a most burning kiss.

Harry’s spirit was extinguished at that moment, letting a deep hatred take hold of him, seeing Malfoy respond to the kiss, moving his lips against those of the young man, holding him tighter against him.

Jealousy resurfaces as quickly as it left. This feeling burned all the pores of his skin, at the same time igniting his mind which suddenly came to life, swinging mortuary pictures against Noah who kissed Malfoy under his nose.

It was ridiculous, Malfoy didn’t belong to him, Harry didn’t date him, and he didn’t have any feelings for him. Ginny was his girlfriend and he loved her, he knew it.

However, Malfoy responding to Noah’s kiss a few meters below, put him in a state close to agony.

He wanted to shout so that they would stop, go down as quickly as possible and hit the young man for daring to put his lips on Malfoy… On this fucking asshole who trampled his heart and piled his mind.

Harry wasn’t following the game at all. He could no longer hear the students shouting in the stands around them. A hand on his shoulder brought him to his senses, making him look away and lay his eyes on Ron, who was smiling to his teeth.

“You saw that pass from the opposing Chaser, it was incredible!” He exclaimed.

Harry blinked before figure it out what his best friend was telling him.

“N- No, sorry, I think I missed it…” he blew, mind still elsewhere.

Ron frowned, anxious to see him so disturbed.

“Are you okay, mate? You don’t look good...” he said, in a deep voice.

Harry seemed to remember what he was looking at before being interrupted by his best friend and turned head down sharply.

Malfoy wasn’t here anymore. Only Noah stood in the middle of the grass, throwing his foot into one of the pillars of the stands, looking angry.

Harry looked for Malfoy without finding him.

“Harry? Hey, man, are you all right?” Ron asked, shaking his shoulder.

Harry again turned his eyes to his best friend, his suddenly erratic breathing.

“Sorry, Ron, I’m not feeling very well, I think I’m going home, my head is spinning.” he replied.

“You want me to come with you?” Ron asked, looking worried.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll lie down and it’ll be fine” Harry insured, trying to smile so as not to worry his best friend.

Ron gauged him for a moment before nodding.

“As you wish, but be careful, Mione will not forgive me if something happens to you on the way...” he winced.

“Don’t worry about me, it’s just this morning’s fight. Sleep will do me good” Harry added, smirking.

“I sleep at Mione’s tonight, but I can go home if you prefer?” Ron asked.

“No, frankly, I’d rather be calm, that’s fine!” assured Harry, hardly rising, using the edges of his seat.

“As you wish, I’ll see you tomorrow then” Ron concluded, staring at him.

Harry gave him one last tight smile before heading towards one of the central aisles of the stands.

His head wasn’t spinning, it was his mind that was spinning. His stomach, too tight, was causing him a high heart when he descended one by one the steps of the stands between one of the rows of seats.

Harry’s brain was asleep, his heart was beating painfully in his chest.

When he reached the last step of the stands, he passed in front of Noah, bashing himself aloud with his own bullshit.

A deep hatred took hold of Harry, turning on his misty mind a few seconds before.

Harry shook his fists glaring at Noah when he reached his height. He frowned, seeming not to understand and looking down on Harry.

“Why are you looking at me? You’ve got a problem?” Noah hissed.

Harry squeezed his fists tighter, weighing the pros and cons, but ended up overtaking him, clenching his teeth, thus avoiding confrontation.

Noah did not seem to think so, however, since he grabbed Harry’s arm to turn him in front of him.

“Hey! You could answer when I’m talking to you! What’s your problem, Potter?” he spit out, with a wicked gaze.

Harry released his arm immediately, pushing the young man away at the same time.

“Go fuck yourself!” Harry shouted, turning his back to get back on his way to his dorm.

Noah did not insist, but Harry heard him sneer behind him and the words he uttered made him freeze.

“Oh, I’d like to…”

Harry frowned and turned sharply.

“What do you mean?” he asked, wrinkling his eyes suspiciously.

“I _mean_ , if the guy I’m interested in didn’t have someone else in mind right now, it would probably already be _done_...” Noah replied.

**_(Read while listening to “Topbrazil”, Fischerspooner)_ **

Harry opened wide his eyes, his breath blocked in his chest.

The news flashed at an alarming rate in his head before turning around and running like his life depended on it. It was obvious that Noah had spoken of Malfoy.

Abandoning Noah, he crossed the stadium, with fear in his belly, mixed with hatred towards Malfoy now and what he was probably doing…

How many had already passed in Malfoy’s bed? How many had been used for his own needs?

It was Harry who ended their exchanges, he, who decided to stop everything.

Because he didn’t want to go any further, because he wasn’t free, he wasn’t ready… And now?

Was he?

Harry passed the stadium, arriving on the alleys of the campus, immediately taking the road to Malfoy’s dormitory, as if on autopilot.

It was almost laughable that he knew the way by heart. He couldn’t count the times he’d come in Malfoy’s bed, on his desk or even against the door of his room when his desire was too strong.

His heart beat too fast, his breath burned his lungs as he walked along the lighted paths of the lamps that bordered them.

His legs pounded the ground, the pebbles screeching under his shoes. The building of wellness and health witch appeared before his eyes, in a last effort he ran faster.

It seemed to him that his heart could explode at any moment.

Was Malfoy there? Was he alone?

Harry has redoubled his run at this thought. He had to see him, he had to talk to him.

Perhaps it was too late? Perhaps he had already forgotten him?

Harry stopped at the gate and took his breath while standing at the bars.

His throat was aching, his stomach was contracting dangerously. He had run too fast, without having eaten for a while.

His perspiration mixed with the cold from outside froze his limbs. He was no longer able to go any further at this time.

His running had weakened him somewhat but his determination was stronger than his tired muscles. Then in a final effort, he crossed the gate and ran to the door of the hall which he opened on the fly before meeting a wall and being thrown back.

Harry tipped, his foot meeting the first step of the small staircase that preceded the door and felt his body bending dangerously, preparing for the fall.

Someone grabbed his arm at the last moment to bring him forward.

Regaining his senses, Harry blinked before placing them on his benefactor.

It was Theodore Nott, Malfoy’s roommate.

“Potter? But what are you doing here? You’re not at the game?” he asked, puzzled.

“Why aren’t _you_ there?” Harry asked, breathing difficulty.

Nott raised his eyebrows before sneering.

“I’ve never been fond of this kind of representation, but it seems to me that _you_ were, right?”

Harry did not answer right away, his head was spinning a bit and he had difficulty concentrating on what the young man was saying to him.

“Your girlfriend is playing tonight, right?” Nott asked, in a smirk.

Harry’s heart jumped into his chest.

Ginny… He hadn’t thought of her…

All he could think about was Malfoy, running around like a madman hoping to find him. And now that he was there, once again nothing else mattered to him.

He had to know!

“Malfoy is here?” Harry asked, looking behind Nott.

Nott frowned.

“Why? Why are you-” he began.

“Is Malfoy back yet?” Harry interrupted, in a louder voice.

Nott gauged him for a moment before answering him in a voice almost as dragging as Malfoy’s.

“Yeah… He’s upstairs. What do you want with him?” he asked, wrinkling his eyes.

Harry did not answer and shook him slightly, passing by his side to overtake him.

“Potter, I asked you a question!” Nott added, grabbing his wrist to hold him.

Harry broke free and continued to walk without turning around.

“Talk to him” he replied.

Harry climbed the steps four to four, his heart returning to its frenzied race in his chest.

He climbed up to the landing of Malfoy’s dormitory and held his breath before knocking on the door where his name was written.

"Malfoy!" he shouted, banging on the door.

Harry was no longer restraining himself. His neurons were no longer working. He was in a trance while pounding the door in front of him.

Nott’s voice reached behind him.

“Hey Potter, calm down!”

Nott went up the stairs quickly, probably to stop him in his madness.

But Harry didn’t fucking care, he had to see Malfoy, he had to know if he was alone or if he had replaced him.

“Malfoy, open this fucking door!” Harry yelled, hitting his fist harder, shaking the dial of the door.

The door finally opened in front of Malfoy, looking particularly annoyed to be disturbed.

Harry saw him open wide his eyes when he saw him, and then he became as cold as usual.

With his breath jerking, his arm in the air and his fist closed, Harry looking at Malfoy as if it was the first time he saw him.

Malfoy wore only a simple black shirt, the first buttons of which were open, revealing his neck and the top of his pale bust. Black pants, perfectly fitting his legs in a straight cut. A few strands of hair fell before his steel-grey eyes, which expressed nothing particular. His lips were pinched in a bitter line as he observed it, seeking to understand why Harry was standing there.

Harry found him handsome, incredibly attractive and his heart missed a beat as he looked at him, his mind blurred, his desire for Malfoy growing.

He heard Nott coming behind him, breathing with difficulty.

But he did not have time to intervene, Harry’s heart had already exploded in his chest, his green eyes were already drowning in Malfoy’s grey ones.

So, Harry reached out his hand, already raised, to caress Malfoy’s cheek and grabbed his neck to bring him firmly back to him, sticking his lips against his own in a feverish kiss.

Everything is disconnected in his head, the only thing that mattered now was the taste of Malfoy in his mouth, the texture of his skin under his hand, the fresh and subtle smell of his perfume.

His tongue forced the passage of Malfoy’s half-open lips, making him moan immediately, without him being able to hold back.

He had missed Malfoy far too much, he realized it now.

So, Harry pressed him hard against him, preventing him from making any move to stop the kiss.

He didn’t want to, he didn’t want to let him go…

He wanted more, he wanted _all_ of him…

Forgetting Ginny, forgetting Nott, Harry took a few steps and took Malfoy with him into the room, slamming the door in his back.


	13. Acceptance

_**(Read while listening to "Have Fun Tonight", Fischerspooner)** _

**_Friday, January 08, 1999, 7:28 p.m., Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott’s dorm, Witch Academy_ **

Harry held Malfoy firmly against him, devouring his mouth with a bewildering envy. His hand pressed against his neck, pressing his skin softly, his arm in the hollow of his kidneys pressing to bring him even closer if he could.

Only their jerky breaths filled the room, their teeth colliding under the pronounced assaults of Harry leaving them barely enough time to breathe between every mouth movement, between every tongue suction.

Harry was moaning as he tasted the lips of Malfoy that he had been thinking of for several weeks... He had missed them too much...

Harry’s hands were already beginning to unbutton Malfoy’s shirt, who backed away a few steps, stopping the kiss, making Harry growl, who tried again to taste his lips. He stretched out his neck, leaning forward, feeling the fabric slide under his fingers as Malfoy pulled away from him.

Harry opened his eyes, breath short and frowned when he saw Malfoy irritated in front of him, an eyebrow raised, arms crossed on his bust.

“Potter, what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

Harry blinked, trying as he could to reconnect his mind, already too far from reality.

“You think you can come back like that, like nothing happened? I don’t allow you to come when I didn’t invite you” he added, annoyed.

Harry shook his head and moved towards him, making him further back.

“I’ve changed my mind” he replied.

“I don’t care, I’m not at your disposal, much less to satisfy your needs, especially when you don’t know what you _want_.” Malfoy hissed.

“I _do_ , now”

Malfoy raised a sceptical eyebrow.

“Really? I’m delighted to hear that. And can I know exactly what you want?”

Harry moved forward again, determined.

“You. I want _you_ ” he blew.

Malfoy didn’t blink, staring at him like he didn’t know what he was saying.

“I don’t belong to you, Potter” he said, in his dragging voice.

Harry got even closer, sticking his belly on the arms of Malfoy still crossed on his bust.

Malfoy, prisoner of his closeness, wrinkled his eyes.

“I don’t care…” Harry blew.

“That’s not how it works, I’m not here just when you want it.” Malfoy hissed.

“I’m ready to go further this time” Harry promised.

“I didn’t wait for you, Potter. Find someone else to regulate your cravings” Malfoy replied, in a smirk.

Harry had a bitter grin before lowering his head, which he shook and then raised his eyes to anchor them hard in Malfoy’s eyes.

“No, Malfoy, you don’t understand...” he retorted, getting closer, staring at his grey eyes.

“I hate to see you with all these guys hanging around you, I can’t stand that they can touch you when I don’t...” he added, clenching his teeth.

Malfoy gauged him, staring at him with his eyes always so cold, without showing any expression.

“Once again, I don’t belong to you or to them”

Harry grabs Malfoy’s arms, pressing his elbows into his palms.

“I don’t care Malfoy! I want you every fucking day that goes by, I want to touch you, to kiss you, to feel you… I’m not afraid anymore!”

Malfoy winced under the pressure of his fingers on his arms, but sneered.

“After the scene last time, I really can’t believe you, Potter...”

Harry detached his hold and backed away, looking down at Malfoy, bringing his arms to his sides.

Then, with a tense smile, he began to remove his shoes, throwing them to the ground, removing his winter cloak which fell at his feet.

He lifted up his t-shirt, which he passed over his head and let it fall to the ground, again anchoring his green eyes in the silver ones of Malfoy.

He then unbuttoned his pants, under the gaze of Malfoy who loosened his arms around him, hypnotized by Harry’s moves.

“You think I’d joke if I did that?” he asked, sliding his pant and boxers over his legs, throwing them bluntly into the room, ending up taking off his socks.

Malfoy frowned, visibly not knowing what to say.

Harry, now completely naked, took advantage of the opportunity to quickly get closer to him, making him vaguely startle.

“You think if I wasn’t serious I’d touch you like that?” he added, putting his hand on Malfoy’s crotch and pressing it.

Malfoy let loose a slight sigh under his caresses, but nevertheless remained focused on his eyes, visibly seeking answers to his daring behaviour.

Harry gave a stronger wrist stroke, making him moan immediately.

“Potter…”

Harry approached Malfoy’s face, sticking his nose to his, sticking his eyes to the bottom of the grey orbs.

“Do you think that if I’m messing with you, I'd kiss you that way?”

Harry crushed his lips on those of Malfoy, in a most vertiginous kiss, releasing Malfoy’s erection to wrap his arms behind his back and lift him to deepen the kiss.

He felt Malfoy tense himself against him, contracting all his muscles, while Harry’s tongue rushed into his mouth to delight his taste which he loved so much.

Malfoy relaxed a little in his arms and grabbed his hips with his hands, hugging them tightly, sticking his nails into his flesh.

Harry spent all his emotions in that kiss, trying to express all craving he had for him, all the lack he had felt of having had him so far in the past few weeks. He closed his eyelids tightly, concentrating more than ever on letting all his feelings flow in the way he kissed him. Applied more than usual to show him that he was more than determined.

After making sure he was clear enough in his gestures, he released the pressure of his arms on Malfoy, making him lower and return to his original position, keeping his mouth against his own.

Harry raised his hands to put them around Malfoy’s face, one on each cheek, pressing his lips one last time on his own, before slowly moving apart, opening his eyes. Only a few inches away, his nose touching his own, he anchored his gaze in the perplexed one of Malfoy, who had difficulty catching his breath.

Harry looked at the grey eyes, wondering if he had understood the message.

But Malfoy’s expression was as usual, indecipherable.

“So what do you think, Malfoy? You believe me now?” Harry asked, in a hoarse voice.

Malfoy stared at him for a moment, as if he were analysing the situation, then after a time that seemed particularly long, he agreed to answer him.

“I may be more inclined to do so, yes…”

Harry felt his breath caress his face and could not hold back a grin at Malfoy’s half consent.

Even after all that, he still seemed suspicious. But Harry didn’t want to stop there, he wanted to prove to him how conscious he was of wanting him. He stared his eyes on those of Malfoy, getting his face closer to his, until he brushed his lips.

“So let me show you how serious I am” he said, before moving away.

Malfoy frowned, seeing Harry extend his arm, smiling slightly, visibly not understanding what he was getting at. He gauged Harry’s hand for a moment, before finally placing his own in the palm. Harry drew him to him, dragging him to his bed and inviting him to sit by his side.

He began to undress Malfoy by unbuttoning his shirt with precise gestures, sliding it along his arms, revealing his shoulders and his pearly white skin.

Malfoy let him do it, examining every move he made, visibly expecting Harry to stop and leave again. But Harry, sure of himself, began to unbuckle his belt and blow the buttons out of his pants, prompting him to remove it entirely.

Malfoy looked at him for a moment, arched an eyebrow, seeming to ask him if this was really what he wanted. As if to answer him, Harry stroked his pale bust with his hand, lowering it to his belly, and finally resting on his groin, marking a slight pressure on the erection of Malfoy who contracted his jaw, holding back a moaning. But Harry saw in his eyes that he had understood, when Malfoy got up to take off his last clothes and sit again on his bed, as naked as he was.

Harry made his gaze travel over Malfoy’s naked body, his breathing accelerating as he detailed it. Malfoy was particularly well proportioned, his skin of an almost transparent whiteness, shone as if the moon were reflected on it.

Moving up his eyes to the grey orbs that stared at him, Harry concentrated on his fine features, his well-drawn fleshy mouth, redded by their last exchanged kiss.

A few strands of his hair fell before his eyes and Harry raised his hand to remove them, leaving him all the leisure to admire the grey pearls with silvery reflections.

Malfoy had this particular aspect, giving him the appearance of not really existing. The pure-blooded wizard was of a cold beauty that Harry had never seen in anyone else.

The more he looked at him, the more handsome he found him. Even the few defects in his face that once disgusted him, seemed to have softened now that he had discovered it in a completely different way.

Harry passed his hand over his cheek, down his neck and his collarbone and pressed on his shoulder to force him to lie down. Malfoy tensed himself but let himself be, without letting go of his eyes, his impassive look no longer leaving his features.

Harry knelt on the bed, raising Malfoy’s pelvis to position it in front of him, clasping between his legs. Malfoy looked at him, his empty gaze, seeming not to believe for a moment what he was about to do.

Harry swallowed, his arms along his body, clutching his hands, feeling the apprehension taking hold of him.

He had never done this before, it was the first time he would do it with a boy… With Malfoy…

Harry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and oxygenated his brain to give himself the courage to recover his mind.

He reopened them, blocking his breath in his chest and leaned forward, between Malfoy’s legs, moving forward his face to his own and kissed him passionately.

His hands clumsily covered Malfoy’s body, from the birth of his hips to retracting his thighs, rising higher to grip his neck and strengthen the kiss.

Harry grew a long moan as he felt Malfoy’s tongue touch his lips before going to embrace his, causing him to lose his balance and stick even more on Malfoy’s body beneath him. A hoarse cry escaped from his mouth when their erections met, making him bite Malfoy’s lower lip.

Harry undertook long back and forth while lowering his mouth on Malfoy’s chin, biting the muscles of his jaw, then on the thin skin of his neck which he licked avidly, putting kisses on his collarbone, and accelerating his hand on Malfoy’s sex who no longer restrained his moaning.

Harry went down to his chest, then down to his torso. Malfoy contracted his lower belly by biting his lower lip, his hands squeezing the sheets of his bed when he circled his navel with his tongue.

Harry straightened out slowly and continued his movements on Malfoy’s sex. His breathing was jerky as his eyes met those of Malfoy, darkened by the pleasure he gave him.

One of Malfoy’s hands detached from the bed to go to find Harry’s erection and gripped him firmly, a raucous scream escaped from his lips on this contact and he tilted his head back.

Harry let himself go for a moment, enjoying Malfoy’s meticulous movements over his sex before bringing his head forward and biting his lower lip. He leans forward again to kiss his ferociously.

“Malfoy…” he blew, releasing Malfoy’s erection to grab his wrist that was activating on his sex, thus stopping his movements. Harry stood up slightly, dipping his green eyes into Malfoy's veiled by pleasure.

Harry gradually removed Malfoy’s hand from his sex, delicately placing it on the sheets, exerting a slight pressure on it and gave him a determined gaze.

A gaze promising to go further and that if Malfoy tried to make him come in his hand, he would be unable to show him how far he had decided to go.

Malfoy seemed to understand this time, since his eyes opened wide, seeming to wonder if his own showed the truth.

Harry let go of his hand, using both his arms to rise up completely, the bust straight in front of him, before turning away to fix the wall, the red rising to his cheeks.

“I … I’m not sure I’m doing it right … this is the first time I’ve done this…” he explained, biting his lower lip.

He risked a glance at Malfoy who smiled slightly at him.

"Let me show you" he replied, in a hoarse voice, standing on his elbows.

Harry nodded and Malfoy grabbed his arm to bring him back.

He kissed him feverishly while sliding his hand along his arm to grab his hand and took it to his hole, folding all his fingers to leave only his index finger.

Harry’s breath became more and more jerky, his heart beat redoubled against his chest when he felt his finger touch the rough skin there, Malfoy’s hand forcing it on until he felt it sink to the bottom of him.

Harry uttered a muffled exclamation, feeling his finger move back to sink again inside Malfoy. He guided his index finger, turning from time to time to widen his hole, then stopped for a moment to unfold a second finger that followed the first, sinking into Malfoy’s body.

Harry’s heart filled his chest, feeling successively the heat and cold around his fingers, every time Malfoy made them come and go inside him. He lost his mind while Malfoy licked his lips, little moans escaping from his.

He wanted more, so he began to look for more, searching the interstice of Malfoy by himself, accentuating his movements in Malfoy’s hand, tearing away from him small, plaintive noises.

Malfoy let go of his lips, tipping his head back, opening his mouth in a silent groan, his eyelids frantically beating under Harry’s assaults.

Harry accelerated again while staring at Malfoy, his erection pulsating against him, so strong was his desire for him.

It was so hot to see Malfoy lose his mind. His eyes darkening with pleasure, his small noises making his always more. Harry was biting the inside of his cheek at the sight of Malfoy who was amazing, so _sexy_.

Almost no longer holding on, and because he was more confident now, he took out his fingers delicately, pushing back Malfoy’s hand and put it on the bed and straightened himself up to stand in front of him.

Harry gave Malfoy time to catch his breath before positioning himself more forward between his legs. He passed a hand on his own sex, going back and forth to spread the pre-seminal liquid in order to lubricate himself.

Harry then pointed his cock right in front of Malfoy’s hole, breathing hardly. His jaw was twitching with apprehension and he moved on to Malfoy again, one hand on his sex guiding it on his interstice, the other clinging next to his face, with his arm outstretched.

He contracted his lower belly, his face just above that of Malfoy, anchoring his eyes in his own, waiting for his agreement before intruding in him. Malfoy nodded imperceptibly as he tightened his legs around him.

Harry took a deep breath, and brought his pelvis closer to Malfoy’s hole and pushed against it, penetrating it softly, his outstretched arm contracting, his hand squeezing the sheets between his fingers.

Malfoy tightened himself around his cock and he could not help moaning, resisting the urge to sink completely. Malfoy groaned with pain when he pushed again, making him stop in the middle.

Harry waited a little while, giving him an interrogative gaze before going deeper. Malfoy breathed strongly, biting his lower lip, his fingers squeezing the sheets of his bed, looking at the ceiling above him. He closed his eyes a few seconds before anchoring them in Harry’s and smiling at him slightly.

Harry’s heart missed a beat, he brought his hand holding his erection to lay it flat on the other side of Malfoy’s face, extending his second arm and without letting go of his eyes, sank completely inside him.

Harry uttered a raucous moan when he was fully inside, allowing himself to breathe for a moment before moving back a little. He began a new movement, his eyes still anchored in those of Malfoy who also stared at him with his dark gaze.

He made several back and forth at first very smooth, biting his lip in front of Malfoy’s vision under him. Malfoy let go of the sheets and laid his hands on Harry’s hips, burying his nails in his flesh, a sigh escaping from his lips. When he made small whistles, Harry almost completely withdrew and returned more abruptly, making them moan with pleasure.

Harry accelerated, no longer holding back his moans, staring at the indecent gaze of Malfoy, who wrapped his legs in his back, opening his mouth in a silent cry. Harry took advantage of it to grab his lips, in an angry kiss, while he came and went in him ever stronger.

It was almost too good, his heart was exploding in his chest, Malfoy’s perfume filling his nostrils, his fingers pinching and scratching his skin. He had his taste in his mouth, his breath caressing his cheek, the warmth of his body around him, his muscles surrounding his sex.

Harry had never experienced anything like it, Malfoy was so exciting, his desire for him was beyond all comprehension and felt him there, everywhere on him, breaked down the barriers of his mind. He was no longer able to think anything, he seemed to have put his brain on standby, only his body was functioning, sinking into Malfoy’s body. Striking at the very bottom to touch a sensitive point that ripped away raucous screams at each breath between kisses.

It was strong, it was powerful, Harry felt himself dying in Malfoy’s arms, nothing mattered when Malfoy moaned, squeezing his thighs around his hips, his hands up his back, scratching him a little more, while Harry was banging his pelvis.

He knew he wouldn’t last much longer, his muscles were getting tired little by little, it would soon be over, but he wanted some more, he still wanted to see Malfoy lose his mind.

Harry passed one of his hands between their sweat-soaked bellies, and rolled it up on Malfoy’s sex. He began back and forth and detaching his lips from his own before anchoring his gaze in his own.

Malfoy uttered a hoarse groan and his back bowed as his hands grabbed his shoulders, his head thrown back. He followed every wrist move Harry gave him, openly shouting his pleasure.

Harry accelerated his hand on Malfoy’s cock, hypnotized, always banging against his pelvis, while he moaned louder and louder.

Malfoy bowed harder this time, clenching his teeth, his fingers sinking into his skin, before coming into his hand, in a silent cry, trembling with jolts. At the same time, Harry also came in a long moan, letting go of Malfoy’s erection to extend his two arms, on both sides of Malfoy’s face, before landing on his sweaty body.

Glued together, they resumed their breath, Harry’s face in the hollow of Malfoy’s neck, his forehead resting on his pillow.

Malfoy had let go of his shoulders, bringing his arms along his flanks, his face covered by Harry’s collarbone. Breathing erratically, Harry lifted himself up with his arms, gently withdrawing from Malfoy, before falling on his back next to him.

One arm on his belly, he looked at the ceiling, feeling the sleep win him, while Malfoy seemed to move by his side. Harry vaguely felt the heat of Malfoy leaving his flank, while he hardly rose. He heard him whisper a cleaning spell, as his eyelids were heavier and softly lowered, and finally completely closed.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

When Harry woke up that morning, he felt something was wrong. It definitely wasn’t his bed, it wasn’t even the smell of his sheets.

He blinked and opened them abruptly when he fell on a silhouette lying beside him. The young man had the face of Malfoy, his soft and fine features, as well as the smell of his perfume.

Harry frowned before remembering the night he had just passed.

He remembered attending Ginny’s match with Ron and Hermione, then seeing Malfoy kissing Noah. He had decided to leave the match, feeling the jealousy win to him and had crossed paths with the young man at the bottom of the stands, who making him understand that Malfoy was already seeing someone.

This had made him upset and he ran until he lost his breath towards Malfoy’s dormitory, without really knowing what he was doing or why he was going there.

He had hit Nott when arriving in front of the building, half-snorting him to go and knock on the door of the room he shared with Malfoy, wanting at all costs to talk to him. Malfoy had opened it to him and there again he was not sure what had happened.

He remembered his heart beating too fast when he threw himself at him to kiss him. Malfoy then pushed him away, telling him it was too easy to come back after all.

Harry had was then afraid to lose him at that moment, using everything he could think of to show him, to prove to him that he was serious, that he wanted to…

His heart beat louder in his chest, remembering the sequel, his eyes traveling over Malfoy’s body asleep in front of him.

It was the first time he slept with a boy, with Malfoy…

He had wanted to go further with him, he had wanted to possess all of him.

The holidays had given rise to a deep lack for Malfoy, and the first day of school had brought him out of jealousy.

Harry had crossed the line, he knew it, but he didn’t regret it.

Everything had been too good that night, his desire for Malfoy, already particularly pronounced, had increased sharply when he had get inside him, feeling Malfoy everywhere around him.

He tensed up abruptly, straightening up on his elbow, looking for the exact time, before realizing that he no longer had his glasses, not remembering having removed them.

He stood up carefully, and began to look for them, groping the nightstand with his hand, finally finding them, perfectly folded, before putting them back on his nose.

Harry looked at the alarm clock in the middle of the cabinet, marking 7:30 a.m., and swore in a low voice before picking up his clothes that were littering the floor. He had to get home before Ron came to pick up some stuff himself.

He began to get dressed, making as little noise as possible to avoid waking Malfoy who was sleeping peacefully back to him. The blanket covering half his body, stopping to his hips, revealing his pearly skin that Harry contemplated for a moment, before putting on his t-shirt.

Harry fastened the buttons on his trousers, fastening his belt, before putting on his shoes and quickly tightening his laces.

He grabbed his cape and buttoned it on his shoulders before moving towards the door. He turned his head on the empty bed where Nott should have been, secretly hoping that he had never returned and had spent the night outside or in a dormitory other than his own.

He then shifted his focus to the door and began to turn the handle when Malfoy’s dragging voice behind him startled him.

"Already running away?"

Harry sighed and turned completely to face him.

Malfoy had partially straightened himself on one of his elbows, gauging him with a smirk, his eyes still veiled.

“I don’t run away”

“Oh, then explain to me what you were about to do?” Malfoy asked, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“I’ll just go home to get some stuff and then I’ll go to class.”

Malfoy gauged him for a moment, obviously trying to find out if he was lying.

"And then? " he added, wrinkling his eyes.

"Then what?" asked Harry, frowning, not understanding what he was getting at.

“Are you going to come back or are you going to walk away again?”

Harry raised his eyebrows before sighing again and coming straight at him, stopping at his height. He then leaned his head to the side to give him a feverish kiss, tipping him back, until the back of his head touched the pillow.

He then detached his lips from those of Malfoy, before answering him, anchoring his eyes in his own.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Let’s say it’s a good start, but you’ll have to be a little more demonstrative next time” he replied, in a smirk.

Harry could not stop a grin from stretching his lips before rising. He went once more to the door, and then turned to Malfoy, a glance full of promise.

“Count on it” he said, opening the door with a smirk, before crossing the threshold and disappearing behind.


	14. Closer

**_(Read while listening to “I Don’t Give A…” MISSIO)_ **

**_Tuesday, March 9, 1999, 9:02 a.m., Campus Park, Wizard Academy_ **

The cold has been bitterer in recent days, although the sun is high in the sky, warming the students a little.

Harry was sitting nonchalantly on one of the tables outside with Ron, right in the middle of the park, which extended around the witch academy. They were both revising their next course of Spells, their large open books laid flat on the page of the spell _“Impedimenta”_ that they had to cast nonverbally. Or at least, were supposed to study but, their books were abandoned while they took the sun and breathed the fresh air of the morning.

Other students had the same idea and walked between the alleys of the campus, talking about things and other things, or had breakfast on the adjacent tables.

“It’s obviously impossible to avoid them even by coming here...” Ron sighed.

Harry, who had closed his eyes and rested his head on his hand, opened them softly. He beat eyelids to get used to the sunlight that warmed his face and looked for eyes that Ron could speak of. It didn’t take him long to figure out who Ron thought was ruining their quiet, restful moment. Malfoy and his friends had just appeared and settled down on a nearby table, not far from theirs and seemed to be beginning their revisions too, thick tinted books, open before them.

Harry lingered on Malfoy, who was leaning on his book, a fine mist escaping from his lips, due to the cold weather. A few strands of his blond hair fell before his eyes and masked his slightly lowered eyelids, while he concentrated on his reading.

A young man appeared behind Malfoy and sat at their table as if he had been invited. Harry tensed up on the bench and lifted his face off his hand to look at the scene with apprehension. Noah tried to attract Malfoy’s attention by waving his hands, but Malfoy was obviously not inclined to consider him.

This snatched a discreet smile from Harry who immediately relaxed. The corners of his lips fell quickly when he saw the young man put his hand on the hand of Malfoy who was holding his book, making him raise his grey eyes. Harry held his breath in front of the cold gaze that Malfoy gave to Noah, whose shoulders were slowly sagging, as if nothing else needed to be said.

Harry saw the young man lower his head, and then suddenly raise it up. He nodded and got up before slowly moving away, the muscles of his jaw painfully tense.

“Another who would have done better not to mess with him…” Ron sneered.

Harry glanced at him, frowning.

"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.

“It doesn’t take a genius to guess that this guy just got dumped. Malfoy, and his legendary way of making you understand that you are a piece of shit in one fucking gaze. Who could honestly want to spend time with someone like him?" Ron retorted, with a wicked gaze to Malfoy.

Harry looked at Malfoy again, who seemed focused on what he was reading.

“I don’t know, maybe guys just like him?” he dared in a neutral tone.

“It’s hard to believe, but given the number of guys around him, I guess his bedside skills are better than the rest of him.” Ron hissed, wincing.

Harry stilled. It had already been two months since he met Malfoy in his dormitory in order to satisfy their common desire. So he knew all too well how Malfoy behaved in bed. Although Harry was always on top, it didn’t take anything away from the fact that Malfoy was particularly hot and made him take off every time they saw each other.

“But honestly, it’s Malfoy... One of the most rotten guys we’ve ever met, I can’t imagine him having a conversation, don’t you think?” Ron added.

“Yeah... You’re probably right...” Harry blew, staring at Malfoy.

"And then what would he say? Hey, I’m an old Death Eater, I almost killed Dumbledore, but I didn’t have the balls to do it, because I’m as cowardly as my asshole father? No, honestly... Not a very attractive approach." Ron said, rolling his eyes.

Harry opened wide his own, a knot in the stomach beginning to form.

“He’s an asshole, but he’s not inherently bad.... If he really was, he would have delivered me without hesitation when we showed up at his manor last year... Remember”

He saw Ron turn his head sharply towards him, picturing his wicked gaze.

"You still think that’s true? I can’t believe this prick really recognized you and didn’t say anything" he said, shaking his head. “And for what? Give us a chance? Because he had mercy? No, I honestly think he didn’t suspect a thing and he regretted it bitterly.”

“I still believe that he always knew it was me. I wouldn’t know how, but... I saw in his eyes that he knew...” Harry added, remembering the look of Malfoy on that famous day.

“If you say so, but I stand in my statements” Ron snorted, then went back to his reading.

Harry nodded his head. His eyes had never left Malfoy, who ended up feeling observed because he raised his head and turned his eyes in his direction, in a look that was both piercing and then burning with desire. Harry swallowed, feeling his sex harden in his pants, before clearing his throat and looking down on his work too, trying to calm his nascent erection while Ron was by his side.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Black dots danced in front of his eyes, while the orgasm ran through his body and left him numb.

Harry fell heavily on Malfoy’s chest under him and slowly resumed his breathing.

Malfoy still held his hips firmly, his fingers stuck in his skin. His breath was crashing against his shoulder and he was sweating from the orgasm that had passed through him a few seconds earlier too.

Harry felt him relax as his hands left his pelvis to crawl up his back with his fingertips, which ripped off an impossible-to-repress thrill. Malfoy then grabbed his shoulders and held them tightly before pushing him back to force him to withdraw and lied down on his back at his side.

Harry stayed in that position for a while. The small luminous dots gradually disappeared behind his crooked glasses which he put back straight on his nose.

Malfoy also breathed hard but did not move as he would have thought. Instead, Harry saw him from the corner of his eye reaching out to grab his wand and throw them a cleaning spell, before resting it on his nightstand and turning.

Harry turned his eyes to him and noticed that he had laid down on his left side and stared at him intensely. Harry turned his eyes away, feeling his cheeks burning by the discomfort that Malfoy’s grey gaze caused him.

“What’s going on, Potter? You act like it’s the first time you’ve ever put your cock inside me” Malfoy grinned, with his dragging voice.

“Don’t say it like that!” Harry sighed, turning his head to plant his eyes in his own.

“And how do you want me to say it? That’s what you just did, right?” Malfoy added.

“That’s no reason to use words so bluntly” Harry retorted, straightening himself on his elbows.

"Seriously, Potter? Usually that’s your specialty" Malfoy pointed out, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

“Yeah, well, I don’t like you making me look like a pervert just to " _put my cock inside_ _you_ " Malfoy. You’re also involved, for your information and it seems to me that you particularly appreciate “ _having my cock up your ass_ ”, am I right?" Harry hissed, planting his green eyes in his grey eyes.

Malfoy stretched a smile on his pink lips for having been bitten and kissed too long while Harry was fucking him.

"Well, since you obviously need reassurance on the matter, open your ears and take what I’m about to tell you well because I won’t repeat it. I do appreciate our carnal exchanges and especially when you are “ _inside_ ”, satisfied?” he asked, raising his eyebrow a little more.

**_(Read while listening to “Kamikazee”, MISSIO)_ **

Harry breathed through his nose, a little smirk adorning his lips, before getting up with difficulty to start dressing and looking for his clothes in the little pile at his feet. He took off a T-shirt and put it over his head and unfolded it on his chest, before stopping in front of Malfoy’s burning gaze, looking up and down.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

Malfoy moved his eyes to his body, lingering on his crotch, which he felt hardened again in spite of himself. He then lifted his grey eyes up to his face and planted them in his own before stretching a grin.

“Where exactly do you think you’re going?” Malfoy asked.

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

“Who told you we were done?” Malfoy added.

“Huh? But you-”

Harry was still searching for his words when Malfoy rose from his bed, the blanket slipping on his skin and discovered his completely naked body. He stood in front of him and walked one step forward to surround his hand firmly on his sex.

Harry swallowed, contracting all his muscles as his eyes opened wide. Malfoy’s smile doubled as his erection hardened between his fingers. Malfoy started a slow and calculated back-and-forth movement on Harry’s sex, biting his lips, preventing a moan from coming out.

“Malfoy…” he blew, closing his eyes, trying to contain the pleasure that was rising in him.

“Potter?” Malfoy asked, innocently.

“What you think you want to do, exactly?” Harry added, raising his eyebrows on his closed eyes.

“In a minute, if you don’t mind, I’m going to be a little bit busy, right now.” Malfoy explained, whose voice suddenly became lower.

Harry suddenly opened his eyes to put them on Malfoy, on his knees, his face close to his cock.

“Wha- Oh fuck…” he replied, when Malfoy’s mouth surrounded his erection.

He held his breath, his legs barely supporting his weight after the intensive effort he had practiced a few minutes before, Malfoy’s tongue on the tip of his cock not helping his balance.

Feeling his knees sagging, Harry clung to the night table, wailing under the back-and-forth of Malfoy’s mouth against his sex, which made him lose his mind. He had to go back to his dorm, to make sure Ron would find him tomorrow morning when he came back, but Malfoy’s torture on his cock made him forget his obligations.

His eyelids pounded frantically as Malfoy’s expert mouth rose and descended on his sex. He rolled up his foreskin, which pounded against the roof of Malfoy’s mouth, and put shivers on him that wound up in his whole body.

Harry growled, his eyes half closed and grabbed Malfoy’s shoulders, lifting him up forcefully to bring his face back to his. He barely breathed in front of Malfoy’s blushed and swollen lips for sucking his dick. Harry drew him closer to kiss him fiercely.

He felt Malfoy’s hands grabbing his hair, while he eagerly responded to the kiss and let his tongue enter his mouth to embrace hers.

Harry stepped forward, gently pushing Malfoy to his bed and tipped them over to regain their original position. He felt his reason evaporate completely at the thought of taking the way back.

He blocked Malfoy’s arms on both sides of his face, without stopping the kiss and devoured his mouth with passion. Malfoy moved under him, rubbing their erections against each other and making them moan.

Harry licked Malfoy’s jaw and the thin skin of his neck before straightening up abruptly, with a short breath. He then planted his eyes in his own.

"I hope your ass is ready for a second round, Malfoy, because I’m going to "put my cock _inside_ " as you like so much and like you never _had it_ before this time” he promised, pulling on his pelvis to bring his legs back and block them against him.

And he bent again to stick his mouth against Malfoy’s before he could answer.

Never mind his reason, never mind Ron, his desire for Malfoy defied all understanding anyway. Harry let the wave of desire sweep through his entire being, forgetting all that was not Malfoy moaning openly below him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Harry stared at the cup on his classroom table and closed his eyes. He took a great inspiration, concentrating all his magic flow and let it travel his body. He then stretched his arm with his palm open before slowly opening his eyes veiled by the power inside him.

A soft blue light sprouted from his hand, the colour of which rapidly darkened and let appear some snowflakes that flew inside, in a small whirlwind.

Harry knew, before he even cast the spell, that he would succeed. He had felt it, it was like an evidence, when the power had travelled through his body. So he was not surprised to see the cup freeze instantly when he released his magic on it.

The goblet was completely crystallized, shining from a thousand fires to the light of the room.

Harry swallowed up the power to lock it back into his being and gradually make disappear the blue glow in his palm by closing his fingers on it. He breathed softly, to recover and walked towards the table to contemplate his success.

A smile stretched his lips, when he realized that the object was still as frozen, even after he had stopped his magic.

“Brilliant! How did you do that?” exclaimed Ron running towards him, his eyes wide on the cup.

“That’s perfect, Mr Potter, very good work! I see you’re taking this training to heart.” Professor Featherstonehaugh added, with pride.

Harry did not have time to answer him that most of the students had already gathered around the table to admire his work and made him uncomfortable to attract so much attention again.

“Thank you, Professor, but it was thanks to you that I got this result.” Harry replied.

Featherstonehaugh smiled back as he nodded before asking the students to resume their activities and return to his office.

Harry moved his hand forward, taking the cup to turn it between his fingers and make the light reflect on the crystals that surrounded it.

“I hope to achieve a similar result in a short time too” Ron blew, staring at the cup.

“I’ve absolutely no doubt that if I did, there is no reason why you should not succeed!”

“We’ll see, but if I want to succeed, I don’t have time to waste!” Ron said, nodding. He then cracked the fingers of his hand, before returning to his table and resuming his training, more determined than ever.

Harry stretched a small smile, detailing the object in his hands, impressed to have succeeded so easily, given the last courses where using this magic regularly weakened him. He remembered the time when his jealousy had overcome his reason, exhausting his ability to cast the spell, so that he finally gave up so much power had drained him of his strength.

However, he could not help but think that these improvements were directly related to his feelings and emotions.

Since seeing Malfoy regularly and maintaining an exclusively carnal relationship with him, he had never felt so calm and serene. It’s like being around Malfoy makes him better. His abilities were increased tenfold, he had felt it, even his concentration had improved significantly during practice exercises.

His heart accelerated in his chest at the thought that Malfoy was beneficial to him during his training, since he had agreed to go further with him. To think, fucking with Malfoy made him more adept at magic and amplified his ability to master his power.

Twist of fate when we knew how much they were supposed to hate each other. That even Ginny, his girlfriend, didn’t help him to get better, even though, on the other hand, he loved her…

He no longer saw Ginny as a result of her repeated flight training, making her even more tiring and thus preventing late-night meetings between her and Harry. So Harry was entitled to only a few kisses here and there, as soon as Ginny had time to give him, and even if it was little, he was content.

Somehow, this distance with her suited him, he didn’t have to pretend to appreciate the act as much as she wanted.

His heart held on to this last thought. Harry felt terribly guilty about cheating on her, but he couldn’t help but find Malfoy when he could, when he _wanted to_.

Because he wanted it so badly…

Oh yeah, he got to the point where envy outweighed his feelings for Ginny. Not seeing Malfoy, hurt his belly, a lack that had to be filled as soon as possible. It gave him the effect of an acid, gnawing at his stomach, waiting for his tranquilizer to regain serenity.

Malfoy had become a drug he could hardly do without.

He had not sought to do so since he had been sleeping with him.

Harry sighed, feeling his desire revived at the mere thought of finding him. If he had imagined for a moment, wanting to fuck Malfoy so badly, at the beginning of the school year, he would have gladly cast a spell of lucidity to put his ideas in place, thinking he might have been given a _Confundus_ by mistake.

If at one point he had begun to doubt, Harry now knew that this was not the case and that it was he, all thoughts combined, who wanted to spend time with Malfoy. He certainly did not expect Malfoy to want it too, although he suspects him of wanting only his cock.

Sometimes he would think that Malfoy tolerated him enough to want to see him other than to have a shag with him. Other times, he thought about what it would be like if Malfoy fucked him and how he’d feel. Would he be hurt? Would he like it? But he quickly discarded these possibilities, once he found himself in his sheets to ride him wildly, with his grey eyes darkened him staring with undisguised desire.

So Harry forgot his thoughts and focused on the moment that Malfoy offered him, penetrating his body and sharing this moment of intoxicating pleasure.

And for a few hours, there was nothing else but them.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_Monday, March 15, 1999, 01:23 a.m., Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott's Dormitory, Wizard Academy_ **

**_(Read while listening to “I Run To You”, MISSIO)_ **

“Don’t forget your gloves, it would be a shame to realize that you didn’t have them when you got home, it will be difficult to explain” Malfoy said to him, making a gesture from the chin to them.

Harry, who was sealing his belt, raised his head in his direction and nodded.

He was about to leave Malfoy’s room after a new shag that he had initiated himself. Harry grabbed his cape, wrapped it around his shoulders and closed the clasp against his neck. He then turned to the desk where his gloves were placed and put them on, before turning his eyes to Malfoy, lying in bed.

Malfoy was no longer paying attention to him and holding in his hand a book that he read quietly, looking perfectly relaxed.

Harry sneered inwardly, suspecting that after the orgasm he had given him, he must have been particularly relaxed. Harry set his eyes on the cover of the book where a special symbol stood, imagining that it must have been one of the textbooks Malfoy was studying.

“What exactly do you study?” he asked, his curiosity outweighs the late hour of the evening.

Malfoy glanced at him sideways, raising his eyebrows, and then set his eyes on the clock on his nightstand.

“Potter, you’re going to be late for your diversion to Weasel if you don’t hurry” he replied with his dragging voice, shifting his attention to the reading of his book.

“What, is that a secret?” Harry asked, crossing his arms on his chest.

Malfoy turned his head in his direction, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“You’re not going to make me think you give a shit about my life” he retorted, planting his eyes in his own.

“What if I do?”

Malfoy glanced at him for a moment, before turning his gaze on the book he was holding.

“I would say that you have something to worry about, because sex accelerates the deterioration of your brain cells.”

“Bloody Hell, Malfoy, come on, what do you want to do later?” Harry hissed, annoyed.

Malfoy sighed, surreptitiously closing his eyes and immediately opened them on his book before settling to answer him.

“If you want to know that much, I want to be a Healer”

Harry will loosen his arms, bringing them back along his flanks, raising his eyebrows.

“Really? You- you really want to be a Healer?”

“Obviously, since I’m here studying to become one” he affirmed, without detaching his eyes from his book.

Harry stay still for a moment, before going to sit mechanically on the bed, Malfoy’s feet grazing his pelvis under the sheets.

“I never thought you’d be interested in this specialization…” he replied, staring at nothing.

“I guess you saw me following in my family’s footsteps and plunging into the depths of politic?” Malfoy asked, in a sarcastic tone, moving a little under the covers.

Harry nodded in spite of himself, lowering his eyes on his gloved hands.

“You wouldn’t be the only one, but you as well as the others are on the wrong track” Malfoy added, sighing.

Harry raised his head and stared at Malfoy who was always focused on his reading.

“What made you want to become a healer?”

Malfoy looked away from his book, lowering it slightly to look at him, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

“Are we really having this kind of conversation?” he asked him, looking suspicious.

“If it bothers you that much, we can stop” Harry apologized, reaching out to him.

Malfoy looked at him for a moment, before smirking.

“I never thought I’d have a civilized conversation with you, Potter, let me be amazed.”

Harry blew through his nose, smirking in turn.

“I didn’t think it would happen either. Actually, I didn’t expect to be here at the beginning of the year either, if you want to know everything.”

“It’s true that this is not what I had in mind when I came here to study.” Malfoy nodded.

Harry stared at him for a moment, lingering on the blond lashes that moved as he read. Malfoy’s eyes went through the book from left to right, sometimes frowning when he didn’t seem to understand the meaning of a sentence.

“You’re really… weird” Harry blew.

Malfoy raised his grey eyes on him, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“What makes you think that, please?”

“You told me you had changed, I didn’t believe it, but I see it now” Harry explained, probing him with his eyes.

Malfoy raised his eyebrow a little more before sneering.

“It only took you several months to realize it, it’s impressive! I could have bet you’d be at the same point at the end of the year” he replied, looking down on his book again.

Harry laughed and grabbed the pillow by his side and threw it in his face.

Malfoy suddenly straightened up when he received the pillow. He dropped his book before giving it back.

Harry avoided him skilfully, bounding on him, to grab his wrists, laughing, as Malfoy struggled against him. Harry was always laughing, squeezing his fingers on Malfoy’s wrists as he struggled to get out. Malfoy started a movement, causing him to lose his balance and Harry fell on him, his body stick to his.

Harry was still smiling, his face a few inches from Malfoy’s face, which was frowning. He looked at his fine features and his light grey eyes, feeling his heart beating louder in his chest, the corners of his lips slowly lowering, as his gaze landed on Malfoy’s offered mouth under him.

His breathing accelerated as he leaned his head to the side to delight his tempting lips, which he knew were soft. He breathed deeply, revelling in Malfoy’s perfume, while his mouth moved on Malfoy's own in a voluptuous kiss.

“Potter… you don’t have time for this anymore” he breathed against his lips.

Harry stretched a smile without stopping the kiss.

“Why? Scared to lose, Malfoy?” he sneered, sticking his body a little more against his own.

Malfoy straightened up abruptly, tipping them over and leaning over him to reach out his arms and lay his hands flat on either side of Harry’s face.

“Who says I won’t win?” he retorted maliciously, locks of his hair falling before his eyes.

Harry blinked his eyes at them before he smiled sadistically and replied.

“Because you never did it against me” he said, tilting them to take over Malfoy and squeeze his legs between his own to block them.

“You’re too sure of yourself Potter, I should punish you for daring to be so confident” Malfoy replied, grinning.

Malfoy held one of his hands out to Harry to catch his erection, gently pressing it over his clothes and began to knead it between his fingers.

Harry had a gasp, biting his lip to restrain his groans.

“I bet you come first.” Malfoy sneered, continuing his touching, more and more pronounced, planting his eyes full of promise in his own.

Harry supported his gaze and stretched a grin, feeling his desire go through his whole body to have Malfoy naked against him.

Harry lowered his eyes on Malfoy’s already hard cock, lifting one of his hands up to his mouth to pull his glove with his teeth and spit it on the side. He then surrounded Malfoy’s dick between his fingers, giving a slight wrist stroke that made him jerk and moan.

“Deal.”


	15. Wondering

**_(Read while listening to “Trap Doors”, Brokenbells)_ **

**_Thursday, March 25, 1999, 4:57 p.m., Charms Class, Wizard Academy_ **

Several days the idea crossed his mind, itching his lower stomach and torturing him more than necessary.

This idea had come to him in a dream one night and ever since he kept dragging it everywhere with him.

A combination of blond with grey eyes, two sweaty bodies and a pleasure never experimented.

Harry had woken up, soaked to the bone, one morning at the beginning of the week, with Malfoy right above him as a reminder of his night.

He clearly had in mind the fact that Malfoy was shagging him and that he especially seemed to appreciate it. The condition of his underwear and sheets proved to him that this was indeed the case.

He then jumped into one of the campus showers, to thoroughly rinse the torture that his subconscious had inflicted on him.

Ever since he met Malfoy and they had regular sex, Harry had always been on top. More specifically, Harry was always the one who started their shags and had, therefore, never let Malfoy take over during it.

It was never been an option of who would take the lead while they were doing it. This was done naturally, when Harry had run to Malfoy’s to snog him.

But now that Harry had experimented, more than reason, he had to admit that the idea of being below was particularly tempting.

He was, however, inevitably terrified of being taken by Malfoy, but lust took over the fear, prompting him to want to test, just once to know what it would look like… Once, to experience the pleasure felt in this position, Malfoy seemed to appreciate what he was getting him.

It was right in the middle of that thought that he was going with Ron to Charms class.

Especially since by rehashing his erotic dreams, his cock began to harden in his pants and caused a feeling of discomfort.

Harry tried to calm his ardour a little, without however obscuring Malfoy from his thoughts. He remembered the moment of complicity they had shared, when Malfoy had for a moment abandoned his impassive mask, making him more agreeable than usual and unveiled a facet of his personality that he had particularly appreciated.

Lost in his thoughts, Harry did not see that Ron looked at him strangely, not suspecting that a slight smile stretched his lips since he thought about Malfoy.

They finally entered class, laid down their bags on the ground and sat quietly on their chairs.

Professor Powell was behind his desk, patiently waiting for everyone to take their seats. When they were all seated and all the students looked at him attentively, he spoke.

“Well, today we will learn the _Circumrota Charm_ ” he began, with a move of the hand, while showing an object in front of each student, as well as at his desk.

The students turned away from their teacher to examine the various trinkets on their table. All identical, they looked like a Muggle puzzle, where a few pieces were nested together. Some more in relief, suggested that they had to rotate to match.

“As you will surely have noticed, the object before your eyes was voluntarily assembled in a rough way, the goal being, you will have understood, to make it look different by moving the parts to your liking.” he added, walking in front of his desk.

Powell then took out his wand and cast the spell on the trinket placed on his table. The different pieces turned on themselves, changing place to stick to others and form a whole new object.

“If during your task you are not satisfied with the result, you can always go back and pronounce the _Reverte Charm_ , which will restore the part to its original state.” he added, pointing his wand once again towards the bibelot which resumed its first form.

The students uttered a slight exclamation in front of the demonstration.

“Go on!” Powell concluded, taking his seat back behind his desk.

Harry and Ron began the exercise seriously, each succeeding in moving and turning the pieces, the difficulty being to concentrate well on the direction and degree of inclination.

“Are you all right?” Ron suddenly asked, rotating a piece of his construction.

Harry frowned, turning his face towards his friend.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

Ron shrugged his shoulders, then glanced him sideways before focusing on his task again.

“Don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I’m perfectly fine.” Harry smiled, changing the layout of a puzzle piece.

“You’re often in your thoughts and I feel that you are more distant with Ginny” Ron added.

Harry became tense at the mention of his girlfriend. The muscles of his jaw were contracting while he kept his eyes glued to his trinket.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, in a colder tone than he would have wanted.

“The way you talk to her, you don’t really look at her anymore.” Ron continued, in a strangely calm voice.

“Stop saying shit like that.” Harry hissed, between his teeth.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ron sigh and turn his face toward him.

“Look mate, I’m telling you this because I noticed that you two were less together, I’m just worried.”

“Is it Hermione talking or is it you?” Harry retorted, turning your head to Ron in a wicked gaze.

"Stop acting like an asshole! It’s the two of us okay? It’s my sister we’re talking about, I know her and I know when something’s wrong"

Harry sighed, detailing Ron’s anxious features.

“I assure you that everything is fine, there’s nothing wrong”

Ron winced and snapped his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

“That’s not what comes out when you’re together, sorry to tell you this but it really sounds like there’s a serious problem”

Harry surreptitiously closed his eyes before turning them again to Ron.

“I’m telling you everything’s fine, can you stop pissing me off now?”

“So what, I’m imagining things, right? Hermione too?”

“Exactly! You’ll be nice to mind your own business. I’m not interfering with your relationship!” Harry hissed.

“Okay, bad idea… I won’t talk about it anymore, but look out for her, okay? Because if you ever hurt her, you’ll have to deal with me, best friend or not!” Ron retorted, pointing his finger at him.

“Thank you, Ron, I know, you already gave me this one…” Harry jeered, rolling his eyes.

“It’s just a little reminder shot in case you forgot” Ron sneered.

Each then took up his task seriously, carrying out the spell repeatedly, turning and moving their pieces with attention.

“And about Malfoy?” Ron’s voice suddenly made.

Harry, who was in full execution of his spell, had a slight startle and turned the piece of his puzzle a little too quickly, which rotated another quarter turn.

“What, Malfoy? Why are you talking about him?” he sighed, correcting his blow.

“I know something’s up and you’re not telling me everything”

“You get the wrong idea, nothing happens with the bloody ferret”

“You’re acting weird when he’s around, I didn’t realize it right away, but the more we run into him the more I think there’s something there.” Ron continued, obviously not willing to let go.

“Ron…” Harry blew, closing his eyes to contain his anger.

“No, it’s true, Harry, since we got here, I see him everywhere we are, thinking he’s doing it on purpose to piss us off!” Ron hissed.

Harry exhaled loudly, opening his eyes to plant them in the blue ones of his best friend.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, he studies here, it’s perfectly normal to meet him from time to time, it doesn’t mean he’s following us”

“That’s not what I said, I feel like he’s never far from us, like he wants to keep an eye on us, on you.” Ron added, in a serious way.

Harry grunted before giving up his work again.

“But what happens to you today to ask you questions like that?”

“It’s not just today, since we’re been back in school, he’s been acting weird too, both of you, you’re not like before, not like at Hogwarts.” Ron explained, frowning.

“We’re adults now, Ron, it’s no longer a matter of pissing each other off like we used to.” Harry jeered, rolling his eyes.

“Merlin’s balls, I’ve never said I didn’t, but he is there very often and he sometimes looks at you and you look at him sometimes.” Ron insisted heavily, glaring at him.

Harry felt himself pale, his heartbeat accelerating with Ron’s revelation.

“I’m not looking at him, at least not consciously, you’re getting your head up for nothing, because there’s clearly nothing to say about it.”

Ron paused, then sighed before resuming.

“Look, I want to believe you, but I can’t help but think there’s something fishy going on.”

Harry sighed and gave him a look of spite.

“Believe what you want, but I assure you there is nothing. Malfoy makes his life on his side and I make mine.”

Ron simply nodded, turning his eyes away and posing them on his work.

Harry was trying as hard as he could to stay focused on his task, while his heartbeat resumed a normal rhythm. If Ron had noticed that Malfoy never stood away from them and that he had also caught him observing him, it was that he had not been as discreet as he had thought.

He promised to be more careful, because if Ron had realized that something was going on, Hermione for his part would have felt it for miles around and she was much more perceptive than the two of them combined.

Yet, it was stronger than him, to look at his former enemy had become a habit. It was already like that in the days of Hogwarts, and if it didn’t seem suspicious before, it was clearly because only hatred came out. Now, there was a very different glow in their eyes and he was convinced that Ron had seen it.

Yes, he definitely had to be much more careful in the future.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “The Ghost Inside”, Brokenbells)_ **

“Malfoy… I really have to go” Harry sighed, fastening his belt with his eyes closed.

“Hmhm…” Malfoy whispered, against his skin.

With his head back, Harry was biting his lower lip under Malfoy’s tongue.

“Bloody hell! Malfoy, let me go, now!” he growled between his teeth, without making the slightest gesture to get rid of his hold.

“Leave if you want, I’m not holding you back” Malfoy blew, ripping off long chills that rose to his spine.

“Eating my neck like that is not going to make me want to leave!” Harry hissed, annoyed, leaning his head a little more to the side to give better access to Malfoy.

“You make me sorry…”

Malfoy was pinned to Harry's back and wrinkled the skin of his neck by biting it, licking the epidermis in places to make him moan with pleasure. His hands had slipped under his t-shirt, which he had just put on, and was hurtling through his chest with lust, lingering on his belly, stroking his abdominals and then retracing with the tips of his fingers the line of hair that went down to his groin.

“Okay, that’s enough now!” growling Harry, getting out of Malfoy’s embrace.

Malfoy sneered, holding him by his shoulders.

“Oh come on, Potter! One last time” he blew against his neck, before biting it between his lips.

Harry shivered, closing his eyes under the damp and warm effect of Malfoy’s tongue against his skin.

He was about to let himself go again when one of Malfoy’s hands went down quickly to grab the edges of his underwear.

“Fuck, no! Ron already knows something, and I’m not going to give him anything to suspect me more…” he said, definitely moving away to catch his cape and wrap it around him.

“Oh I see… All right, then leave, my opinion doesn’t matter after all” Malfoy jeered, in his back.

“No, it doesn’t” Harry simply replied, closing the clasp he held between his fingers.

He then turned to face Malfoy, planting his emerald eyes in his metallic irises.

Malfoy stared at him for a moment before grin and turning away.

Harry followed him with his eyes, seeing him return to his bed to lie on it, completely ignoring him. Malfoy then took a book from his bedside table, and opened it on a page and immersed himself in his reading.

Harry couldn’t help but wonder if Malfoy was really upset, or if he really didn’t care.

Part of him seemed to want Malfoy to really want him to stay with him, the other shouted to him that he was just a way out, a way to deal with when he was bored.

Maybe Malfoy really liked him? He himself found his company rather pleasant when they did not spend their time insulting each other.

Harry loved to find him so he could share their moments with each other, where time stopped. The past was a mere formality and no longer a bulwark between their lives.

A world where Malfoy was no longer Malfoy and _he_ was no longer Potter…

A reality where seeing them both laugh together was proven. Completely ignoring their rivalry.

Harry blinked and shook his head to regain his spirits. He finished dressing up before opening the door and making a vague move of the hand to Malfoy.

Closing the door behind him, Harry ran down the stairs before leaving the building to reach his room with a quick step.

With his hands in his pockets, he hurried across the driveway, still feeling Malfoy’s body against him as the desire to turn around drew him.

It was almost terrifying this need to see him, to want him that way. Admitting it, was even more disturbing. It had been very complicated to feel desire for his lifelong enemy and if now Harry had gotten used to the idea, he just couldn’t believe it even though they had just had sex.

He had a bitter smile when thinking of Ron, although he could imagine it, it was obvious that such thoughts would never cross his mind.

Until some time ago, he himself never thought it possible…

Yet…

Yet, he was getting to the point where he was having trouble leaving. Leaving Malfoy when he was vibrating in his arms, when he was doing all these things to him…

He trembled with anticipation to know that he would find him to share their forbidden passion, letting it swallow him up, devour him whole.

Harry was no longer able to fight when Malfoy touched him. He nevertheless had to force himself to leave him, so as not to arouse further suspicion.

Because he didn’t belong to him and he wasn’t even close to him.

Because it was Malfoy…

He had almost reached his building when he swore in the void and banged his forehead when he remembered a book he had inadvertently forgotten at Malfoy’s.

He had been to the library just before he went to find him, killing two birds with one stone since it was on his way to Malfoy’s dorm.

Harry then turned his heels to return to the road he had just completed and tried to ignore the heartbeat that redoubled in intensity at the thought of returning to see him. He arrived much faster than he had left and climbed four or four steps up the stairs before breathing again once he reached the landing.

Harry opened the door without knocking and entered the room without being invited.

Malfoy, still seated on his bed, turned his eyes in his direction before raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“Missing me, already?” he sneered, closing his book.

Harry, who was still struggling to breathe from running back here, looked through the little room, looking for the object of his coming.

“My book?” he asked between two breaths, finally looking at him.

Malfoy looked down on him for a moment before he waved his chin towards the office.

Harry turned his head, his book was there, strolling among the scrolls of Malfoy.

Without further ado, he raised his arm and stretched it out thinking about the Summoning Charm to order the book to land in the palm of his hand.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Malfoy having a slight startle and turned his eyes towards him. He was frowning at the book.

“You control the nonverbal spell?" he blew, looking impressed.

Harry shrugged his shoulders.

“Some of them, yes, not you?”

Malfoy then looked up at him with a sarcastic eyebrow.

“We are obviously not all in the same boat, but as the Saviour of the wizard world, I imagine you have extraordinary abilities.” He jeered, in his dragging voice.

Harry sneered, rolling his eyes.

“Cut the crap, it’s just practice, I’m no better than anyone else.”

Malfoy made his eyes run up and down on his body before diverting them to rest on his book.

“Allow me to doubt it…” he added, slowly turning a page.

Harry raised his eyebrows, a smile stretching his lips.

“Wait… Malfoy, you… I can’t believe you just gave me a compliment?”

“Don’t dream too much, Potter. Far be it from me to flatter the _Boy Who Lived’s_ ego.”

Harry’s smile turned into a wince as he snapped his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

“Fuck's sake Malfoy, stop with the recurring nicknames you want, it’s really boring in the long run.”

Malfoy glanced at him in an angle, looking pensive, before a slight grin appeared on the corner of his mouth.

“You’re not wrong, you already have a head as big as a Quaffle to add more.”

Harry scowled at him.

“You bastard” he hissed, wrinkling his eyes.

“Please, no need to thank me for pointing out that the _great Harry Potter_ was one of the best of his generation and was fully aware of it.” Malfoy sneered, looking back to his book.

“Shut the fuck up! It’s wrong and you know it!” Harry growled, plunging his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“This is what most wizard’s think.” assured Malfoy, turning a new page of his book.

Harry sighed, annoyed.

“Well they’re wrong, I’m just another student and I also need to study to improve, it’s not innate!” he protested, raising his eyes to the ceiling.

Malfoy glanced at him sideways, staring at him for a moment before shifting to his reading.

“Meanwhile, you’re the only one who knows how to do magic without a wand in this bloody room.”

Harry raised his eyebrows and blinked.

Having no answer to his last reply, Malfoy finally turned his head in his direction.

“So? Still as sure as you don’t have a gift?”

Harry felt the edges of his mouth quivering as he stared at Malfoy without believing it.

“Malfoy… would you be jealous?”

“Absolutely not!”

Harry laughed.

“Fuck, but that’s it, you’re jealous of me!”

Malfoy snapped his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

“Screw you, Potter, I’m not jealous of your _fabulous_ magic prowess.”

“It sounds like it is.”

Malfoy raised his eyebrows before scowled at him.

“It’s because you’re not observant enough to know you’re wrong.”

Harry sneered again, before rolling his eyes.

“And you, definitely in bad faith!”

Malfoy did not answer, content to turn his head towards the clock before again placing his eyes on him.

“Shouldn’t you go back to Weasel to avoid reinforcing his so-called doubts?” he asked.

Harry swiftly turned his eyes to the dial of the clock, which had a time of 00:30 before he placed one hand on his forehead.

“Fuck, yes!” he swore in the void, before rushing to the door.

With his hand on the handle, he began to turn it before interrupting, weighing the pros and cons. With his eyes fixed on his hand, he agreed to turn around and face Malfoy, still immersed in his reading.

"Malfoy?" he called, unsure of himself.

Malfoy slowly raised his head and raised an eyebrow as a response.

Harry bit his lip, hesitating, before clearing his throat.

“Would you like me to teach you two or three nonverbal spells?” he asked, sticking his eyes into the metallic irises.

Malfoy frowned slightly, looking down on him for a few moments, seeming to find where the trap was.

Harry didn’t blink, suddenly breathing hard without really knowing why. The beats of his heart echoed in his ears, not remembering when they had redoubled in intensity and for what reason.

“To compete with the _Saviour of the Wizard World_?” he added, in a nervous little laugh.

Malfoy ended up stretching a sarcastic smile at the corner of his lips before answering him.

“Why not… If it will allow you to learn humility…” he sneered.

The book which he held in his hands was suddenly propelled to the side and landed on the mattress completely flat.

Malfoy flinched slightly, following the book with his eyes, before turning his head sharply towards Harry. His usually impassive mask had cracked somewhat and revealed a slight uneasiness as well as a semblance of astonishment.

“And yet, I could have shoved it right in your face.” Harry said, grinning.

Malfoy wrinkled his eyes and glanced at him, leaving him to guess that he obviously did not appreciate it.

“You piece of sh-”

Harry, who had seen him coming, rushed to him to steal his lips, thus preventing him from finishing his sentence. His mouth stuck to Malfoy’s, he accentuated the kiss by moving a little to force him to lay his head on his pillow.

He felt him slowly relaxing against his mouth. One of his hands climbed up into his hair to grab them and pull him back, freeing his lips.

“Potter…” Malfoy blew, in a dragging voice.

Harry forced his hold on him to kiss him again and held his mouth against his own. A muffled moan escaped from Malfoy’s lips, visibly annoyed to see himself cut again in his remarks.

Harry deepened the kiss, moving his lips with passion, biting them with envy before slowly detaching himself and plunging his eyes into the grey eyes darkened.

“Yeah, it’s definitely better when you shut up!”

Malfoy wrinkled his eyes. He lowered his hand, which still held a few strands of his black hair between his fingers, and pinned it on his neck to draw him sharply towards him.

Harry was carried away by Malfoy’s bewitching kiss, moving his tongue to find his own and embrace it with devotion. He groaned under the texture of his full lips, eagerly breathing in the tangy odor, and then finally backed away from the delicious taste of Malfoy.

Harry barely got up while Malfoy tried as hard as he could to restrain him and once again walked to the door before opening it.

“We’ll start the workouts next time.” he said, beginning to cross the threshold.

He was about to close the door when he passed his face through the crevice with a sneer.

“We’ll see if you’re not too bad.”

Malfoy scowled at him before he grabbed his pillow and threw it in his face. Harry was faster and immediately closed the door where the sound of the pillow echoed with his laughter.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Dry and Dusty”, Fever Ray)_ **

**_Friday, 09 April, 1999, 04:35 a.m., Dormitory of Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott, Wizard Academy._ **

A gentle warmth spread in a precise place of his body, enveloping him in a cocoon of well-being, in an unparalleled sweetness. Although extremely pleasant, this strange sensation made him blink, and brought him out of an already agitated dream.

Harry had dreamt again of Malfoy who took him with lust, while he moaned under his assaults and his hips were tumbling against his pelvis.

With his mind still clouded, he blinked again and discovered that he was still wearing his glasses since his vision was not disturbed. Once he was accustomed to the darkness of the room, he realized that he was not in his room, the colour of the walls being different. He frowned, quickly understanding where he was and tried to remember how he got to sleep here.

Harry had the memory of finding Malfoy late in the evening, to teach him to control a nonverbal spell. The rest of the lesson had quickly slipped. He remembered that Malfoy, being frustrated by his unsuccessful attempts, had accused him of being a bad teacher.

Harry had then told him to fuck off, telling him that he was perfectly explaining how he should do it and that the problem was certainly not with him. So Malfoy had retorted a salacious remark and cleverly diverted the conversation to his advantage, going as far as touching Harry to make him lose all desire to keep practicing those bloody spells to focus on his fucking dick.

And everything had then shifted, starting on the desk, toppling Malfoy’s scrolls, banging the furniture against the wall in their infatuation. Then they landed on the bed, Harry sat on his pelvis, grabbed his wrists firmly on either side of his face to prevent him from touching him further and punish him for not staying focused, not having listened enough.

Malfoy had once again blamed him, repeating that he was far too distracting to simply look at him without wanting to make him lose his means. Harry had then replied that it was not with this kind of attitude that he would succeed in progressing, that he had come to train him and not only to fuck with him.

But like every time Malfoy found himself in trouble, he ran away, taking advantage of what he had mastered, knowing full well that Harry would let himself go because he too was terribly in the mood.

The rest of the evening was a little fuzzy, although he remembered very well abusing Malfoy more than reason.

However, he did not understand what he was still doing here. He didn’t remember sleeping in his bed.

As he slowly emerged, he felt a weight weighing on his right flank and lowered his eyes to determine what it was. Harry discovered with astonishment one of Malfoy’s arms curling his waist, his hand strolling in the void and his long thin fingers grazing the blankets.

Harry instantly froze in front of the proximity, which had yet nothing special compared to everything else they had shared in the evening. He noticed that he did not feel Malfoy’s body behind his back, since he was obviously not attached to him. Only his arm was in direct contact with his skin and diffused a gentle warmth there.

The position was not unpleasant, even though the weight was more present now that he had realized it. This movement disturbed him more than he should have, accentuating the strange complicity that settled between them.

Imagining that Malfoy had surely turned in his sleep and had, in an uncontrolled reflex, surrounded his waist, greatly disconcerted him.

The beats of his heart became distraught, before the importance of this move, showing there a kind of possessiveness, as if Harry were his. Like Malfoy wanted to keep him.

It was really ridiculous, it was obvious that Malfoy had done it unconsciously, but Harry could not help seeing this innocuous gesture as a reflex of a couple being together for several years. A gesture that transforms fear into trust, leaving a feeling of security, equal to the relationship he had with Ginny.

But Harry was scared. Because it was Malfoy and he didn’t trust him at all. And even though he desperately wanted it and his lust for him was bordering on indecency, their relationship was based only on sex, nothing more.

Then why wasn’t he getting out?

Did he even want to?

Feeling comfortable with Malfoy also bothered him, but what troubled him all the more was the well-being he felt with his arm against him. He even caught himself wanting to caress him, to feel Malfoy’s soft skin under his fingers, to bring his hand back to his face to kiss him and breathe his scent.

Harry shook his head to come to his senses, afraid of what Malfoy was provoking inside him.

He had to get out of his grip, because having Malfoy so close made him lose his mind. After the dream he had just had, his thoughts were not as clear and led him to do things he was not sure he really wanted to do. He was absolutely unable to put that strange feeling on the blow of fatigue or if he really wanted to keep him close to him.

Harry lifted up one of his arms and grabbed the fine fingers between his own. His heart missed a beat when he felt the texture of his skin burning his own at that touch.

He froze when he heard Malfoy sigh on his back and subconsciously squeezed his grip on his hand. Harry swallowed with difficulty, hoping that he would not wake up when his fingers quivered gently between his own.

He gently pushed Malfoy’s arm to the side to bring it back along his flank and carefully disengaged from his accidental embrace by shifting to the side. Harry got up with his hands and took great care not to touch Malfoy when he got out of bed.

He then began to search for his clothes scattered all over the room during their eventful exchange in the evening. Harry dressed in haste, his heart still beating against his chest, foolishly fearing that the beats he heard so loud in his ears would awaken Malfoy.

When he had finished, he proceeded cautiously to the door and took a look at the clock on the wall, revealing that the night was already well under way. He then turned his head to the bed opposite the one he had just left to find that it was empty. Nott probably had to sleep somewhere else and he was quite reassured.

He instantly froze when he heard Malfoy moan a little behind him.

In a reflex, he closed his eyes strongly by pinching his lips as his pulse accelerated when he immediately stopped breathing. Harry risked a glance in his direction, hoping that he was still asleep and gave a sigh of relief when he saw that he had not moved.

He finally reached the door, stealthily and turned the handle carefully before finally breathing when he closed it behind his back. A strange sense of emptiness invaded him as soon as he left the building to find his own, as if he missed Malfoy’s presence.

Biting cold from the outside reminding him of the gentle warmth that his arm spread against his flank. He managed with great difficulty to silence the desire to find Malfoy’s sheets to stick against his body and find his cocoon.

Harry forced himself to think of something other than the embarrassing proximity he had witnessed. He then turned to something less sentimental, more hormonal, like the dream he had before waking up in Malfoy’s dorm.

The more he replayed the scene, the more he wanted to experiment, to go to the end of what his body was screaming at him.

Because he was thinking about it all the time, he’d been obsessed with it for a while… Having him inside him and feeling him moving inside him.

Was he really ready for this?

Was he really going to give in?

Let Malfoy have the upper hand.

Just once…


	16. Anxiety

**_(Reading while listening to “Kiss And Swallow,” IAMX)_ **

**_Wednesday, April 14, 1999, 7:17 pm, Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott’s Dorm, Wizard Academy._ **

“Can you please make an effort and focus?” Harry hissed, planting his green eyes in those of Malfoy who slowly began to piss him off.

“Just so you know, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do!” Malfoy replied, scowling at him before focusing on the book exposed in front of him.

“Well, it doesn’t look like!”

“Yet I assure you that this is indeed the case…” Malfoy insisted, frowning, always looking at the book which he was trying in vain to get back to his hand.

“Then try harder!” Harry retorted, who strongly doubted his partner’s investment in his willingness to learn to practice nonverbal spells.

It was only the second session and Harry was already looking forward to the end of this whole improvised course thing.

A malicious smile stretched Malfoy’s lips without ceasing to look at his target.

“That sounds strangely like what I could tell you while you’re fucking me.” he scoffed, while the book still did not move an inch.

Harry rolled his eyes at Malfoy’s lack of subtlety. He was fully aware of his scheme, but it didn’t work. As soon as Malfoy was in trouble, he persisted in masking his discomfort and his disappointment at not being able to master this nonverbal spell by doing everything he was capable of to try to destabilize Harry.

“Malfoy…” he threatened, looking at him sideways.

“Potter?” Malfoy grinned, raising an innocent eyebrow.

Harry sighed in spite as he shook his head.

“Shut up and focus!” he hissed, more and more irritated by the childish behaviour that Malfoy was pleased to maintain.

Malfoy sneered, extending his arm in front of him.

“Where is your sense of joke?” he taunted, raising his eyebrow a little more, his gaze firmly set on the object.

 _“Not too far from your fucking ass!”_ Harry thought, clenching his teeth.

Losing patience, he snapped his tongue on the roof of his mouth, turning completely to Malfoy, who did not give him the slightest attention.

“Blimey, are you still so boring in class? Or is it just me?”

Malfoy’s smile intensified, revealing some of his white teeth as he finally turned his eyes to him.

“I do make it a point to reserve this aspect of my personality only in your presence.” he affirmed, with his dragging voice.

Harry rolled his eyes, trying to keep the calm he felt slowly stagger.

“Of course… Well don’t do it, because I’m not going to last long at this point!”

“That also sounds vaguely familiar…” Malfoy taunted, a malicious glow shining in the background of his grey eyes.

“Oh bloody hell… Seriously? Stop with your bullshit allusions, it’s just wasting our time!”

“You don’t have to go on and you know it” Malfoy hissed.

“That’s true, but I thought after your little speech the other day that it was something that was particularly important to you.” Harry replied, challenging him to say otherwise.

"And so it is," assured Malfoy, scowling at him.

“So what’s the fucking problem?”

“You. You’re a very bad teacher… I’ve rarely seen so little control during the lesson.”

Harry opened wide his eyes, at first stunned by Malfoy’s bad faith, before squinting them dangerously in a deadly gaze.

“Maybe it’s because their student isn’t always reporting everything to _sex_ , don’t you think?”

Malfoy, who had completely abandoned the book now, turned his eyes on a corner of the room and pretended to think.

“Now that you mention it, I also find that you’re noticeably uptight, a little good time wouldn’t hurt you” he replied, stretching a perfectly haughty smile.

Harry sighed loudly, his shoulders collapsing with exasperation.

“But who gave me such an asshole…”

“What delicacy, really…”

“You are hopeless, _really_!” Harry added, by clenching his fists strongly along his sides, restricting himself not to hit him.

Malfoy raised a surprised eyebrow before displaying a slight grin on the corner of his bloody lips.

“This is one of my main qualities, indeed” he sneered arrogantly, raising his chin to look down on him.

Harry grinned, raising his eyebrows.

“I honestly doubt it will be, unless I’m a total masochist, no one can stand having you as a student, you’re too exasperating!”

Malfoy squinted his grey eyes and glared at him behind his blond, almost white eyelashes.

“Your compliments go right to my heart”

“Oh fuck you, Malfoy!” Harry hissed.

Malfoy’s eyebrows rose as a malicious smile stretched out his lips.

“Oh, that’s an interesting idea! What are we waiting for?”

Harry closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them to scowl at him.

“I give up, it’s useless! You don’t make any effort!”

He had really thought that Malfoy wanted to learn to practice magic without a wand, he had obviously deceived himself about his expectations, once again.

“Oh come on Potter, just relax, it’s not like it’s really serious.”

Harry raised his eyebrows.

“It is for me! “It’s a complicated exercise, and if you can’t focus two minutes on a _fucking_ spell, I really don’t see the point in offering to help you master it in nonverbal!”

Malfoy raised a sceptical eyebrow, staring at him for a long time before answering him.

“I knew you were sensitive, but I never thought you’d really care about our tutoring. I remember a pretty lax Potter when it came to learning his lessons.”

Harry stared at him, a determined glimmer shining down his irises.

“You should know that when it comes to Defence Against the Dark Arts, I am particularly attentive”

A veil passed through Malfoy’s grey eyes, obscuring them dangerously as a strange smile drew on his lips. One of those who leaves you cold and sent Harry an uncontrollable shiver that he was unable to repress.

“Oh yes, I have no doubt about that. You’re so focused on the subject that you deliberately cast a spell of dark magic that almost killed me in our sixth year.”

A heavy silence settled between them, while Harry assimilated the words that Malfoy had formulated. He blinked several times, trying to understand where he was going and why this story was coming up again.

“I don’t see the connection.”

Malfoy’s smile expands on one side in a grin distorted by a certain resentment.

“The connection is that in addition to being pretty good at it, you also know some spells that, I remind you, you are supposed to be fighting against. Isn’t that totally ironic?” he grinned, the bitterness of his voice echoing directly into the chest of Harry who felt his breath block.

Swallowing hard, Harry took the time to find his words so that they would come out exactly as he had repeated them a few years ago. He remembered locking himself in his dormitory, convinced himself that he had nothing to do with it, that it wasn’t really him who hurt Malfoy.

Fully aware that he was lying to himself, he could not help but repeat that he had only used a spell invented by a certain _Half-Blooded Prince_ from which he had often drawn inspiration. He had not, at any time, had the idea of wanting _to kill_ voluntarily.

He had never liked Malfoy, but he would never have gone so far as to kill him. _Never_.

“It’s not ironic, I didn’t know the effects of that spell. It was an unfortunate accident.” He breathed in a harsh voice, planting his green eyes in Malfoy’s diabolically grey eyes.

“An accident that almost cost me my life…Unfortunate, indeed…” he added, with his dragging tone, his smile fading instantly.

Harry looked at him without blinking, the anger gradually settling in the flow of his blood, beating inexorably within his veins.

“Don’t be so stupid! I never wanted to… _cut you_ … the way I did. I never intended to kill you! I was only defending myself and I am convinced that if you could, you would have done it without hesitation!” he hissed, annoyed to be held solely responsible.

Whatever Malfoy said about it, he had only responded to the spell which he had cast to him, thus engendering an interminable series which had concluded with the famous _Sectumsempra_ which Harry was silent.

As usual, he had spewed the words without really thinking about how they would turn out, without necessarily seeing the impact. Harry knew Malfoy wasn’t a murderer for watching him lower his wand in front of Dumbledore. He knew that Malfoy would never have gone so far as to kill him in spite of all the hatred he felt towards him, a feeling he too shared at that time.

Malfoy looked down on him for a moment, perfectly still, no expression betraying the fine features of his face.

“Perhaps so…” he finally breathed, in a cold half smile.

Harry had a recoil movement as he opened wide his eyes.

He could not believe that Malfoy was telling the truth, but the doubt settled when he did not move, his eyes resolutely stuck in his own, looking down on him. His breathing intensified, his heart beating harshly against his temples as he stared at him with apprehension.

“Really?” he agreed to ask, frowning, fear in the belly to know the answer.

Malfoy did not reply at once, leaving doubt to the end. Harry’s heart exploded against the walls of his chest, his fingernails sticking into the palms of his hands as all of his muscles painfully contracted.

Strangely, it wasn’t the anger that was blocking his breath, but the terrible fear that Malfoy wanted him dead that day. Harry had a horrible feeling about the pain that Malfoy might have intended to kill him. That night, when he caught him in a moment of weakness in the fourth floor bathroom.

Harry realized he didn’t want Malfoy to willingly attempt on his life. He was painfully hoping that Malfoy never wanted this. Because imagining the opposite reached him more than he thought, terrorized him more than he wanted.

“No Potter, if I wanted to kill you I would only have cast one spell and you know it…” Malfoy finally replied, immediately soothing the sensation that was crushing his heart.

Harry nodded, suppressing a sigh of relief while the tension that bound his muscles slowly diminished.

“That day, I just wanted you to suffer” Malfoy added in a faint breath, turning his eyes away to plant them in a corner of the room.

Harry stared at them for a moment, frowning, thinking he could see some pain shining in their depths.

“I wanted to hurt you too. Even though I hadn’t thought of going that far…” he replied, the end of his sentence desappearing in a breath.

Malfoy shrugged shoulders before turning his head towards him, planting his grey eyes in his own.

“You may not be as good as everyone says you are if you don’t know the effects of a spell before you cast it.” He taunted, sarcastically.

Harry squinted his eyes in front of the slight arrogant smile he displayed, fully aware that Malfoy was trying to calm the heavy atmosphere between them.

He thought strongly about the Banishing Charm and sent the book straight to his face. Surprised, Malfoy barely avoided it by leaning slightly to the side, the pages of the book grazing his cheek, the propulsion making fly some blond highlights of his hair that fell back before his eyes.

“Shut up, Malfoy and just master this one, it’ll be a good start.” Harry hissed.

A smirking smile stretched Malfoy’s lips after blowing on the strands of hair that seemed to obstruct his sight.

“And what will be my reward if I succeed?” he asked, raising an innocent eyebrow.

Harry frowned his own with incomprehension.

“And why should you get a reward?”

Malfoy sneered slightly, putting back the hair strands behind his ears which were inexorably falling back in front of his face.

“You need to motivate your troops, Potter”

Harry raised his eyebrows, caught unawares, and then rolled his eyes before smiling deviously. He turned his gaze to the clock on the night table and proceeded with a calculating step towards Malfoy.

“If you succeed in time, I’ll fuck you on your bed and take you apart _so hard_ that you’ll have trouble getting up tomorrow.” he affirmed, when he reached his height, his bust meeting almost his own as he stared at his eyes intensely.

 _“Or I’ll even let you do it to me…”_ Harry thought. He took the time to stare at him before putting a strand of rebellious blonde hair behind Malfoy’s ear. “Is that reason enough for you to properly learn to master the bloody nonverbal spell?” he added.

Harry saw Malfoy swallowing with difficulty, his Adam’s apple, rising up and descending in a slow rhythm while a glimmer of desire took place in his metallic eyes.

“Let’s say it’s a good start.” he nodded.

Harry grinned slightly, extending his arm to retrieve the book he called silently and then to rest it on the desk.

“Fine. So let’s go!” he concluded, moving away from Malfoy to take his initial place, arms crossed against his chest.

Malfoy blinked his eyes before positioning himself in front of the desk and stretched out his arm, focused.

Harry couldn’t help but look at him, with a tender smile stretching his lips in front of Malfoy’s frown.

A gentle warmth spread slowly all around his heart, while the memory of the dream where Malfoy moved above him obstructed his mind, the idea of knowing the feeling of having him inside of him more and more persistent.

Closing his eyes, he tried to calm down the beats that hit strongly against his chest and failed lamentably when he opened them, to stare at Malfoy’s teeth biting his lower lip.

It was undeniable, Malfoy definitely had too much control over him…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Reading while listening to “Chasing Your Shadows All Around The World” Zeigeist)_ **

**_Saturday, April 17, 1999, 2:07 pm, Wizard Academy Park._ **

Harry was leaning against a tree, his scarf covering the top of his chin, his head leaning slightly forward as he read the Standard Book of Spells, Grade 8.

Ron and Ginny had gone to visit their brother George at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes shop and Hermione had insisted heavily that they take advantage of reviewing their respective last courses.

Sitting crossed-legged beside him, her nose was plunged into a book three times bigger than his. He looked at her sideways and could see that she was absorbed by her reading, the small crease between her eyebrows regularly wrinkling as she read the different lines of the grimoire.

Harry couldn’t help but smile at the seriousness of the young woman rather than go with Ron on the only days their schedules allowed them to spend time together.

However, he was not surprised. She had always been particularly studious and even though Ron was her boyfriend, he came second well after his studies. Although Ron understood, he maintained that weekends were meant for us to rest from the course week and not to work more.

Harry giggled in his scarf thinking of their complicity, which had never been so beautiful. He was almost jealous to see them so close while he and Ginny gradually moved away. He slowly lost his smile when he thought of the young woman whom he was abandoning more and more for the benefit of Malfoy.

Ginny didn’t ask any questions and just focused on her future career as a professional Quidditch player. Of course it did not prevent them from staying close, smiling or bickering from time to time, while he took her in his arms, breathing the sweet flowery perfume of her hair. She remained his girlfriend although Malfoy was omnipresent in his mind.

It’s been several weeks since they slept together and she wasn’t complaining. Harry had already seen her give him a few stealth glances, without insisting when she saw that he was not receptive to his request.

During some more intense kisses, she had sometimes tried to lower her hand which stroked his hair to move it subtly to his neck, bring it back on his chest and slide it slowly against his belly. She then let it rest wisely before grabbing the elastic of his underwear which sticking out of from his trousers.

Harry froze, completely afraid to go further with her when his desire went straight to Malfoy, even when it was Ginny who touched him. He was stunned to realize that he still wanted her but that it was totally increased when he was with Malfoy.

And it was scary how Malfoy had the upper hand over his whole bloody reason.

So Ginny delicately put her hand away, tightening her fingers on a fold of his t-shirt that she pressed hard, as if to calm her intention to go further, to swallow her desire to sleep with him.

Harry was suffering from this situation. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep with Ginny when he was thinking about Malfoy, but he couldn’t stop seeing him. He felt in the depths of his being that if he suspended everything, he would lose his oxygen, one more reason to live on this blooded planet, one reason to have survived this fucking war.

And that too, it was terribly disturbing that it wasn’t Ginny that made him feel that way, but he loved her and for nothing in the world he would leave her.

So Harry was completely stuck.

He sighed, noticing that he had not advanced more in his inner reasoning than in his lesson of the day. Raising his head, he leaned it against the tree, staring at the partly cloudy sky to rest his eyes.

Harry followed the various birds flying from tree to tree to feed their young before slowly straightened up. He looked at the various tables invested by several students, seeking to occupy his mind as he could.

His heart missed a beat when he saw Malfoy’s profile among the students, his blond hair denoting with those darker than all those around him. He also seemed to have in mind to study his lessons, a great book exposed before his eyes which he seemed to read with some boredom.

The beats against his chest intensified as he stared at Malfoy with a certain appetite, feeling all his senses waking up when he was doing nothing more than reading a _fucking_ book without giving him any _bloody_ attention.

Harry tensed his hands on his book, the blood flowing quickly along his cock as he bit the inside of his cheek to swallow his urge to get up to touch Malfoy. He wanted to grab his shirt and turn him in front of him and ferociously steal his half-open pale lips that moved while he seemed to recite his course.

“He looks like he’s really changed, doesn’t he?” Hermione’s voice made, beside him.

Harry had a slight startle before suddenly turning his head towards her. He tightly tightened his legs around his book to hide his erection while the discomfort went straight up his cheeks.

“What- Who are you talking about?”

“The one you’ve been staring at for a few minutes now.” she replied, slowly lifting up her eyes to put them on the table right in front of them.

Harry felt his stomach twisting, swallowing hard as he tried to regain control of the situation.

“I’m not looking at anybody.”

“Oh yes? Not even Malfoy?” Hermione added, turning her brown eyes at him.

Harry looked at her for a moment, then looked away at his book, sighing.

“I didn’t intend to look at him. He was the one who stood right in front of us, I just noticed that he was there.”

It was true, he had never intended to run into Malfoy, but Ron was right, he was obviously never far. Part of him started to hope that he was the reason for it while the other one was panicking to understand that maybe that was the case.

“So what do you think?” Hermione asked, after a few seconds.

Harry focused on her, frowning at the slight smile was stretching her lips.

“Huh?”

She sighed, her shoulders sagging as she seemed to lose patience before his lack of eloquence.

“Do you think he’s changed or not?”

Harry blinked, disturbed by his question, which he was absolutely not prepared for.

“I- I don’t know…. Maybe.” he replied, looking away, unable to face the young woman's piercing eyes.

“Anyway, he doesn’t look at you like he wants to finish you off right away.”

Frowning, he slowly turned his head toward her, disturbed by the innocent tone she had just displayed.

“How do you know that?” he asked carefully, his breathing getting more jerky at the thought that she had noticed something unusual as she had always done.

Hermione, who had resumed his reading, turned completely to face him.

“Cause he looks at you, Harry. A lot.”

Harry stared at her without blinking, swallowing painfully while her heart missed a beat to hear that Malfoy was watching him regularly.

“And I think you look at him too. Sometimes.” Hermione added.

Harry had a brief startle and felt pale to find that Hermione was far too far-sighted for his own good and for his too.

Perhaps she had already guessed everything? Perhaps she had already understood everything?

But then if she did, she would have told Ginny everything and clearly murdered him for betraying the young woman and lying to everyone.

The beats of his heart beat in his chest, imagining Ron’s disgusted look if he heard that he was banging Malfoy while he was dating his sister…

Hermione was now staring at him, slowly raising his eyebrows until he answered.

Harry breathed deeply, trying to empty his mind to assess the situation.

If she really knew, she would have already yelled at him and lowered him to the ground without bothering to ask him questions. She must have had something in mind, perhaps had suspicions about his relationship with Malfoy, but should not have grasped the conclusion. So he had no alternative but to deny everything to protect his privacy and to try as hard as he could to cover his tracks.

Yes. Lying was his only way out if he wanted to make sure she didn’t look any further until she found out the truth. The terrible truth he’s been hiding for months now.

His fucking addiction to Malfoy that made his heart beat way too hard for it to be nothing, for it to be merely _ephemeral_.

And he was terrified of it.

“I already told you I wasn’t looking at him.” He hissed, in a tone made too dry by the fear of the frantic beats of his _fucking_ heart. Fear increased as Hermione continued to look at him to see him through.

She always stared at him, squinting her eyes a little, probably trying to figure out what he was hiding.

Harry was no fool, he had never been able to lie and have Hermione as his best friend for more than seven years now had never helped to keep any secrets from him.

He remembered that she had finally guessed that he was in love with Ginny before he could even put words into the feelings that were burning in his heart, devouring his bowels when he saw her flirting with Dean at the time.

How could he hide a secret as heavy as sleeping with Malfoy when she could find out at any moment?

Harry did his best to appear natural, challenging her to go further in her reasoning.

That was all he had left and it had to work.

Fuck, it had to!

Hermione stared at him for a few moments before giving him a little smile and nodding his chin and then focused again on his book.

“Fine. Just… be careful.”

“Why?” Harry asked, frowning.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, still looking her book.

“I don’t know, but do it, okay?”

Harry looked at her for a moment before taking a look at Malfoy to see if he was still there.

He had turned slightly to his side, an arm holding his head while he read the left page of his book, his whole body pointing in his direction. His eyes moved from left to right before they rose slowly and finally met his own.

Harry held his breath under the depth of Malfoy’s gaze. The metallic grey of his eyes caught him as if he wanted to imprison him, never let him go again.

A look that cried out for him.

A look that seemed to mean “you belong to me”.

And shamefully, Harry was hoping it was.

Malfoy turned his attention to his book, completely ignoring him while Harry kept looking at him, hypnotized by his way of liquefying him from within with a simple glance.

Just one _bloody_ glance.

Closing his eyes to regain some capacity, he stretched a bitter smile thinking back to his recurring dream that had been pulling him for a while now.

Tonight.

Squeezing the corners of his book, he opened his eyes to put them on Malfoy again.

Tonight, he would surrender to him.

He made his decision.

Tonight, he’ll let him get the upper hand.

Because it was stronger than him, he absolutely _wanted_ it.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**_(Read while listening to “Demons”, Empathy Test)_ **

Harry was climbing the stairs that he was beginning to know by heart now, until the little crack in the middle of the course that he felt under his fingers grabbing the railing.

His heart was beating very hard, while he counted the different steps that separated him from the seconds when he would open the door. Where he thought about what he was about to do.

And he was going to.

He then arrived at the top of the landing and quickly knocked on the door before entering directly without waiting for Malfoy’s answer. This one was sitting at his desk with his back to him, a quill in his hand, seeming to scribble something on a scroll.

Malfoy moved his head slightly without stopping to write, without even saying a word to him.

So Harry closed the door behind him and went to sit on the bed. He glanced vaguely at Malfoy leaning in front of his leaf, looking totally focused on his task before lowering his eyes on his fingers, which he shredded nervously.

Harry could feel his pulse accelerating against the thin skin of his neck, beating at the rate of his jerky breathing as he tried to contain his discomfort and apprehension.

“Do you want to keep ripping your skin off or will you tell me what’s going on with you? Your nervousness is so palpable that I can barely finish my work.” Malfoy said with his dragging voice that made him shiver when it still rang in his ears a few seconds later.

Harry slowly raised his head to see that he was looking at him from the corner of his eye with a deeply annoyed look, as if the mere fact of asking this question was already a huge torment that he was trying to do.

“Maybe if you stopped acting like I didn’t exist, I could even show you.”

Malfoy raised an eyebrow, seeming to weigh the pros and cons, then turned his attention to his scroll and began writing again.

“In a minute, if you don’t mind, I work in case you haven’t noticed.”

Harry frowned at the icy tone. He didn’t seem to have done anything wrong, and they hadn’t seen each other since the last nonverbal spell class he gave him.

Of course, it ended pretty badly. Malfoy, having failed to move the book by the sheer force of his mind, had grabbed his wand and sent it to crash against a wall under anger. Harry had to calm him down and explain to him that it took time to get there the first time, and that after that, everything would go by itself without really needing to concentrate.

It had not been easy to temper him, but he had finally succeeded and Malfoy almost threw himself on Harry to kiss him wildly while removing his clothes.

They had had sex that night and it had been without sweetness. Malfoy had dropped him on the bed and impaled himself violently on him, hitting his pelvis hard against his own while Harry grabbed his protruding hips and his fingers were sinking into his translucent skin. His fingernail's marks were still there when it all stopped and Harry just loved it.

He loved when it was so passionate, in pain and anxiety. Because it had always been like that between them and that’s what defined them best. And tonight would not be an exception, even if this time it was he who would be under Malfoy.

Losing patience, Harry rose from the bed and moved closer to Malfoy, sticking his pelvis against his chair. He grabbed the base of the quill to stop his movement before lowering his hand to surround Malfoy’s hand firmly, exerting gentle pressure on it to prevent it from breaking free.

“Potter…” he threatened, turning his face toward his captive fingers.

Harry’s other hand went to catch Malfoy’s second, lying carelessly on the desk to keep her flat. He leaned slightly forward until he glued his mouth to his ear.

“I told you to stop what you were doing.” he whispered before he bit his lobe, which caused Malfoy to quiver under his teeth.

Harry lowered along the jugular, dropping wet kisses while biting the light skin before licking Malfoy’s clavicle abundantly and retracing the small hollows it formed. He let go of his grip and then slipped his fingers along Malfoy’s arms until he climbed up on his shoulders. He grabbed them firmly and then tipped him back, the back of the chair wobbly meeting his bust.

Malfoy was in balance, eyes wide open, staring at him upside down, mouth slightly open. Harry stared at the few blond strands that strayed from his forehead and had an unstoppable view of his metallic eyes that still had a fucking effect.

Leaning his head gently forward, he could feel Malfoy’s warm breath caressing his face as he inevitably approached his thin lips, inviting him to take them. Harry filled the last inches, crushing his mouth against Malfoy’s mouth, sticking his tongue in to revel in the taste of Malfoy who tore a deep moan from him.

Malfoy accentuated the kiss, embracing his tongue around his own, searching for it more and more, passing it on his teeth, while he moaned in return for having it in his mouth.

Malfoy’s long fingers awkwardly grabbed his hands anchored on his shoulders, visibly trying to detach them without succeeding.

Harry stopped kissing him as Malfoy’s face stretched towards his own as if to prolong the kiss. Harry then stood up and moved his hands on the back of the chair. He grabbed it firmly and brutally turned it over to force Malfoy to face him. He then sat immediately on his thighs before Malfoy had time to protest.

Harry took Malfoy’s face into his hands and kissed him again. A more violent kiss than the previous one, rubbing his body against Malfoy’s body without restraint while his erection hit strongly against his stomach.

Malfoy’s hands grabbed his waist, scratching his skin over his t-shirt and grabbed it by the edges and rolled it up until he completely unveiled his back. Harry broke the kiss to put the garment over his head and eagerly resumed his lips by caressing his neck, his shoulder blades before going up in his hair to grab some of the strands.

Malfoy’s hips rose up against him, exerting a pronounced upward and downward movement against his buttocks. Harry could feel his dick pulsating over his pants, showing all of Malfoy’s cravings for him right now.

He began to unbutton his shirt, wrestling against those bloody buttons that did not open properly before casting a non-verbal spell on them to blow them up mercilessly.

Malfoy recoiled his face, breaking the kiss to scowl at him.

“Bloody hell, Potter! You better fix it right after or I swear you’re really going to regret it!”

“Shut up, Malfoy, and just make me get a hit.” Harry hissed, giving him a deep pelvis blow that tore away a hoarse moan while his eyes were veiled with desire.

“Get up then so I can take you up on that.” Malfoy retorted, lifting his pelvis to force him back.

 _“Or take me…”_ Harry thinking.

Harry raised his eyebrows, smugly, while completely detaching himself from Malfoy’s thighs. He lingered on the half-open shirt, revealing the milky skin of his torso as well as the fine line of blond hair that went down to his groin. Harry stared at it for a long time before looking down at the bump that Malfoy’s erection was forming through his trousers, holding back a moan knowing that he was directly the reason.

Malfoy took the time to unbuckle his belt and then opened the zipper before rising to remove his trousers and his underpants. He then moved closer to the bed and sat delicately on it.

Harry watched his every move carefully, without letting him out of his sight.

Malfoy lay down on the mattress after pushing the blankets to the edge, already folding the legs and placing a pillow under his back to raise his pelvis.

Harry, who was too absorbed in his movements, did not immediately understand what he was doing, then shook his head to come to his senses and frowned.

“What are you doing?”

Malfoy turned his face in his direction, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“It’s not clear enough for you? You want a user manual maybe? It seems to me that you’re no longer in your first time.” he grinned.

Harry rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Stop being dumb!” he winced, then began to remove his own pants, pulling off his underwear and throwing them carelessly to the side.

“And you, stop wasting time and come fuck me!”

Harry walked towards him before he froze for a moment and blinked.

“No, not this time.” he blow, while his heart was beating louder against his chest.

Malfoy looked at him and frowned, puzzled.

Harry then climbed up to the bed, observing the offered body lying on the white sheets in front of him while the beats of his heart were now hammering hard enough to start hurting him. He passed his hands under Malfoy’s pelvis to remove the pillow and put it behind him.

Malfoy straightened slightly on his elbows, observing his gestures while a mute question shone in his grey eyes. Harry held out his hands to grab Malfoy’s arms, pulling him to him while he lay delicately against the mattress and Malfoy leaned over him.

Malfoy squinted his eyes, stretching his arms on either side of Harry’s face to gain his support, a few strands of his blond hair framing his fine face. Harry could read the incomprehension in his eyes while he remained silent while looking at him strangely. A slight smirk stretched his lips, convinced that he was looking for where the trap might be and whether he would fall directly into it.

“Tonight, _you_ fuck me.”

Malfoy opened wide his eyes and froze instantly before suddenly regaining control of his reaction.

He looked at him for a few moments, his expression still impassive before grinning.

“Are you sure, Potter?”

Harry looked down on Malfoy’s body before lingering on his cock, pointing in his direction.

His breathing became more difficult to control when he already imagined it take apart with him like in his many dreams and he licking his lips just thinking about it.

He almost instantly raised his eyes to Malfoy who raised an eyebrow visibly waiting for his answer.

“Absolutely sure.”

**_(Read while listening to “Cuffs”, Zeigeist)_ **

Malfoy stared at him for a moment, then nodded before he pulled back gently to position himself between his thighs. He then placed his hands on Harry’s knees and gently spread his legs to reveal his entire pelvis.

Harry watched him suck one of his fingers to cover him with saliva and quickly turned his eyes to the ceiling when Malfoy pointed his finger at his orifice.

His breathing became more and jerkier as his heartbeat became restless against his chest and he pressed the sheets tightly in his hands when he felt Malfoy’s finger lay against his skin.

Harry blocked his breath when Malfoy pushed a little on his flesh until gradually sinking into him, making him wince with discomfort.

“Okay?” he asked.

With his eyes always resolutely turned up, Harry nodded frantically, biting his lower lip.

He felt the finger move inside and then gently pull out before starting a new movement in his being. Slowly, Malfoy pushed his finger in and out and Harry slowly began to get used to this intrusion before feeling the nail of a second finger caressing his skin.

He instantly froze when he felt it pushed, too, to join the first finger still inside his flesh and closed his eyes under the pain he felt going up his spine.

A slight groan escaped from his lips that he bitten heavily while Malfoy pushed his fingers into a calculated slowness, making them turn, go in and out to stretch him further.

And it hurt. It was pulling, rubbing and burning but somewhere, far behind the pain that was going through him, it was fucking good too. Harry felt his flesh stretch as pleasure gradually invaded him every time Malfoy’s fingers struck further inside him.

His little raucous groans filled the room now, covering the gasps of Malfoy who tried to prepare him to facilitate his entry.

Opening his eyes, Harry risked a look at him, looking at his face focused on his task, his eyebrows wrinkled, his head leaning slightly to the side while he bit a corner of his lip, making meticulous gestures that made Harry vibrate.

Malfoy was beautiful. It was suddenly obvious, as if it were the first time he saw him. A heat wave invades her, trapping her heart in front of the beauty and delicacy of her features.

Harry had always found that Malfoy had too sharp angles on his face that brought out his cheekbones too prominent and his nose too sharp but everything seemed harmonious at that moment and all the faults he had long hated shouted to him that Malfoy was beautiful now.

He blinked his eyes to refocus himself when the fingers struck so far that a long moan escaped from his lips and raised Malfoy’s eyes to his face which crossed his gaze veiled by pleasure.

“Do it now” Harry blew between two gasps, his hips joining Malfoy’s movements without him being able to control it.

“I think a third finger wouldn’t be too much if you-”

“No, I said, do it _now_!” Harry insisted, no longer holding back his groans, which were now accentuating.

Harry felt that if Malfoy didn’t take him now he might die from it so much pleasure he felt was intense. Malfoy fulfilled his wish by delicately removing his fingers, which caused Harry to growl, to lose the sensation that had become pleasant to have them inside him.

Malfoy then applied lubricant along his cock, breathing small sighs as he caressed himself to soak it in the gel and spread his legs a bit to position himself between them.

Harry stared at the way Malfoy grabbed one of his hips, pointing his sex in front of his ass by biting his lower lip as if to prevent himself from coming at the moment so excited he seemed at the sight of the little pleasure pearl that was shining on the top of his cock.

Holding his breath, Harry no longer detached his eyes from Malfoy and contracted immediately when he felt the tip of his cock rubbing against his ass.

Malfoy gently pushed every inches of his dick against his ass, slowly getting inside him. Harry was impressed by the delicacy he displayed contrary to his own habits. He had always been brutal when he took Malfoy and prepared him quickly without being tender. He always did according to the moans he made and as soon as he seemed to get a hit, he entered into him without even asking him.

Malfoy stared at him attentively as he creeped into him gradually, his fingers sinking into his waist as he tore Harry apart by forcing his way through.

The pain was immeasurable and Harry squeezing his teeth tightly while his hands grabbed the sheets. Malfoy’s face faded when he closed his eyes, unable to resist the violent sensation that was passing through his body. He groaned with pain between his teeth when Malfoy’s sex slowly retreated to withdraw entirely.

“Potter, we can stop if you prefer.” Malfoy said, seeming worried.

Harry instantly opens his eyes and planted them in his own.

“Fuck, no! Keep going!”

“Potter…”

“Keep going, _please_.”

Malfoy stared at him intensely before taking a deep breath and pushing back into him. Harry could feel the burning of the rubbing of his sex that made him wince while his nails crossed the sheets to anchor in his palms.

The movements were slow and meticulous, as if Malfoy was extremely careful not to hurt him. When the pain eased a little, Harry began to feel again what surrounded him. The texture of the sheets between his fingers, the pillow becoming moist against the bottom of his back and the slight caress rubbing his hip.

He blinked his eyes before turning them to the place that made him shiver, because the touch was so soft. Malfoy’s hand was always anchored around his waist while his thumb moved delicately in a circle as if to reassure him, to intimate to him that it would go well, that everything would go well.

Frowning, he lifted up his eyes and planted them in Malfoy’s eyes and froze when he met his eyelids, his head leaning backwards while his lips half-open let out some pronounced gasps.

Harry’s stomach twisted, taking his breath away from Malfoy’s figure taking pleasure, sinking into him. He swallowed hardly when he felt his heart frantically panic at the sight of Malfoy letting himself totally go between his thighs, striking inexorably against his pelvis, touching a place in him that ripped out to him a raucous moan and rolled his eyes back a second before starting again.

Malfoy’s second hand grabbed his other hip, his thumb following the movement of the first in a gentle and reassuring caress that made him contract his lower belly at every bloody time.

And in the midst of the pleasure that crossed him, between Malfoy’s caresses and calculated movements, Harry understood.

Malfoy was not fucking him. He was not shagging him as he had expected, as he had implicitly asked.

No, he was doing a lot more than that. He was going way beyond anything Harry had ever imagined. And he just couldn’t stand it.

It was like taking a cold shower, like waking up in the middle of the night after a bad dream. All the sensations of pleasure burst away and left nothing but cold that surrounded him all.

“Stop that” he gasped, moving his hands on Malfoy’s to stop them stroking his hips.

Malfoy straightened up and froze immediately as he began a new pelvis movement against his own.

“I’m hurting you?” He asked, in a breath, frowning.

“Stop being so fucking soft!”

Malfoy frozen his hands against his hips, unconsciously sticking his nails into his skin.

“What? Would you prefer me to be more violent?”

“Yes!”

A dangerous glare passed into Malfoy’s eyes, who instantly removed his hands from his waist and placed them on either side of his pelvis.

"Really?" he asked, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

Harry sighed.

“Bloody hell, Malfoy, go harder!” he replied, bringing his pelvis closer to his in a sudden movement.

Malfoy smothered a groan and surreptitiously closing his eyes.

“Who do you think I am?” he jeered between his teeth.

“Do as I say.” Harry hissed, giving another hip kick to sink deeper into Malfoy’s cock.

Malfoy grabbed his thighs to block the movement and then planted his metallic eyes in his.

“No.”

Harry opened wide his eyes.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I was very clear earlier, I asked you to _fuck_ me, not to _make love_ to me!”

“Never. Not when it’s your first time!”

Harry sneered nervously before rising by pushing on his arms.

“So we’re done here because I’m not going to let you continue” he announced with a sharp blow, painfully wincing when Malfoy’s sex completely withdrew.

Malfoy uttered a pronounced exclamation, scowling at him while Harry hardly rose from the bed to stand.

“Do you realize how ridiculous you are?” he hissed.

Harry turned his head to look him down.

“Maybe so, but I can’t bear to see you so caring, it’s not you, it’s not me, it’s never been like that between us, so respect it!”

A clear and cold sneer escaped from Malfoy’s lips, his abdomen shaking with small tremors as he continued to scowl at him.

“So because we’ve always hated each other, we have to keep doing it?”

“Fuck, yes!” Harry exclaimed, making large gestures of his arms and then came towards him to find himself a few inches from his face.

“Show me how much you hate me and hump me, Malfoy!”

Malfoy’s eyes squinted dangerously, staring at him a few seconds before a wince stretched his mouth into a disgusted pout.

“Okay, that’s enough. Get out of my room!”

Harry could not prevent a victorious smile stretching his lips in front of Malfoy’s recognizable hate look. One of those he had long seen draw his face at a time when everything seemed simpler between them. When cravings didn’t fit in.

“Yeah, like that! That’s how I want you to be!” Harry replied, getting closer to sticking their noses.

“Get the fucking out!” Malfoy shouted, brutally repelling him before rising in his turn to recover his clothes scattered on the ground.

Harry watched him sorting the clothes with anger before sending his own into his face which he would receive clumsily.

“What don’t you understand when I tell you to _get out_?”

Blinking, Harry stared at him for a few moments, impressed by the hatred that deformed his still fully relaxed features when he was still inside him.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving, I should have done it a long time ago!”

Harry took the time to put his underwear back on so as not to go out completely naked in the hallway but finished dressing on the landing after he slammed the bedroom door.

Going down quickly the steps that he would surely never climb again, he could not prevent the deaf anger that ignited him.

It was Malfoy’s fault.

It was all his _fucking_ fault!

He didn’t have to be so gentle with him. Harry himself had never been. The first time they had had sex, he had been clumsy, anxious and feverish. Not as thoughtful as Malfoy had been!

His heart was shaking, when he thinking about it.

An immeasurable need to cry came up to his throat, imagining that he had let him make love to him, that he had let him touch him delicately, the indescribable glow shining in his grey eyes when he was preparing him.

Harry was thinking about the warmth he felt in his heart every time he looked at Malfoy, every time he smiled at him, and it scared him terribly.

He was starting to like him, he had already noticed it, but that feeling was stronger, it was putting him in apnoea every time the sod looked at him.

It was painful and hot, fragile and powerful and it kept him from breathing properly.

He stopped thinking, forgot who he was, forgot what he’d done.

Malfoy was no longer Malfoy but becoming…

And that, Harry couldn’t stand.

And somewhere in his mind, he couldn’t stop a little voice from blowing him that he was wrong and that he was perfectly stupid.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to read :)
> 
> Kisses,
> 
> Zee


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